Change That Endures

I think the one thing we can all agree on is the past few months have changed our lives in ways we couldn't even imagine. Many of us have been working from home along with trying to juggle our kid's routine and home schooling has become the new norm. Life as we knew it has definitely changed and may never look the same again. Our family knows all too well how life can change and never be the same but not because of the quarantine.

It all started on September 10th, 2016 with our doorbell ringing at 2:30 in the morning. Now that's a sound that no parent ever wants to hear but especially at 2:30 a.m. Our son Austin was just starting his Junior year at Wabash College where he was majoring in Economics and minoring in Business. He had plans to go on to graduate school or possibly attend law school, but the ringing of that doorbell changed his plans and our lives forever.

Earlier that day I facetimed with Austin for 45 minutes. He told me all about his new classes that Fall and how he had worked out that afternoon. We even talked about his weekend plans to go watch the Notre Dame game with his friends on Saturday. Little did I realize that would be the last conversation I would ever have with our son. Later that evening, Austin would lose hope for a split second and make a decision that would change the course of his life and have a profound impact on our family.

One thing I have learned over the past few years is that grief is definitely not something you can postpone, avoid or side step. You actually have to walk right through the middle of it and when you come out on the other side, then you have to make a choice. You can either withdraw or you can move forward but you cannot do both. I realized that if our story could spare even one family from living through what we have then I would need to move forward and tell it....and so it began.

On October 17th of 2018, I shared our story for the first time to 60 teenagers and you could have heard a pin drop. It was hard....they cried and I cried, but what happened later is why I knew I had to tell it again. Even as I type these words a year and a half later, I am still in awe of what has taken place. I have now shared our story with groups as small as 25 teens to a major fundraiser with over 700 in attendance. That evening I was invited to be the keynote speaker (my talk is on YouTube if you would like to listen).....and they raised over 225K to put licensed clinical therapists in schools. Our story was meant to be shared to save young lives and I have now shared it with thousands of young people. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death in 10-25 year olds and this quarantine and isolation have only made those statistics worse.

By sheer coincidence, Austin took his life on Suicide Prevention and Awareness Day. I would like to say that was the last loss his beloved Wabash College would have on that day, but tragically it was not. On the two year anniversary of Austin's death, we received a text message from one of Austin's former roommates. He wrote..."Mrs.Weirich, I don't know if you heard yet but Evan Hansen (who was the Co-Captain of the Wabash Football Team that year) took his life today and I just didn't want you to hear about it on the news, especially today." Our grief which we were still learning how to navigate through, was now compounded as we shared it with the Hansen family of Carmel, Indiana. Evan was about to graduate with a double major in Spanish and Biology and had just been recognized two days earlier on Senior Saturday with his parents....and just like my son Austin....Evan had plans to make the world a better place.

So this quarantine has given me so much time to reflect on the past few years and think about what I want my own legacy to look like. I believe if my son Austin were here right now that he would tell me to press on. He would tell me to keep sharing our story if it saves lives. So after a great deal of soul searching and prayer, I have officially resigned from my position as the Talent Acquisition Manager for Interra Credit Union to devote my time to traveling and speaking throughout our state. I was actually scheduled to speak at 6 more schools this Spring before Covid-19 shut everything down. When they reopen....I will be ready to go.

There have been so many times when I come home from speaking and I am just weary. I actually say to myself that's it....I just can't do this again because it's too hard to keep reliving our story. Then my phone rings the next week and someone is telling me about another young person who has taken their life.... and I know I have to tell my story one more time. I recently heard someone refer to me as a Suicide Prevention Advocate and I suppose that could be true. However, I would much rather be remembered just as a mom who shared a story with a strong message of hope that flattened the curve of youth suicide.

Genesis 50:20