How To HACK FEARS that Might Be Holding You Back

"Fears don't keep things from going wrong. They keep things from going right." Sam Horn

Is there something you want to do, but something is holding you back? Fears? Doubts?

We were discussing this in a SOMEDAY workshop in Hawaii, after the group had filled out their HAPPINESS BOX, which is a shortcut to turning SOMEDAYS into TODAYS.

I asked what people had put in Box #2, "What are you NOT doing that you WANT to do?"

A woman named Brenda said, "I'd stop being such a scaredy cat and start taking more risks."

I said, "One way to do that is to give yourself a pretend S.E.E."

"What's an S.E.E.?"

"It's a Significant Emotional Event. Unfortunately, most S.E.E.'s are dramatic or traumatic. We get fired, go through a painful divorce, have a health crisis, lose a loved one. We realize the clock is ticking which motivates us to do more of what matters now, not someday."

I told the group, "The way I see it, why wait to have a painful S.E.E? Why not have a pretend S.E.E. so we can get the epiphany without the pain?”

Brenda said, “Makes sense, how can we do that?”

“Just ask yourself, 'If I only had a week left to live, what would I do?'”

“You’re asking us to imagine we’re going to croak in a week? Isn’t that a bit morbid?”

“Thinking about our mortality isn’t morbid; it’s motivating. Sometimes it’s just the incentive we need to stop taking our life for granted. It can be a catalyst to take a wise risk instead of letting fear define and defeat us."

She said, “Okay, I’ll play along. If I only had a week to live, I'd be more adventurous.”

“What's an example of how you'd be more adventurous?”

“Well, I'd go into the ocean. Here I am in a Waikiki hotel right on the beach, and I haven't even stepped foot in the water."

"Why not?"

"I watched JAWS when I was a kid. Big mistake.”

I told her, "Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 'Don't be too timid about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.'

"I agree with that in theory. How do I do it in practice?"

"Put a date on the calendar of a risk you want to take - something new you want to do - so you don’t wiggle out of your good intentions. When are you leaving the islands?”

“We fly out in two days.”

“Then tomorrow is the day. Schedule a 6 a.m. wake-up call. And when the alarm goes off and you’re tempted to roll over and go back to sleep, ask yourself, ‘What will matter a year from now? That I got an extra hour of sleep? Or that I got up, got outside and gave myself a one-of-a-kind experience I’ll always be grateful for?”

“It’s worth a try. But why 6 am?”

“Because sunrise is at 6:30 am and you want to be at water’s edge, ready to go into the ocean the moment the sun rises over Diamond Head. It will be what Hawaiians call a ‘chicken skin’ experience.

Experiences are more meaningful when they’re metaphorical. You’re not just stepping into the ocean, you’re stepping into a more adventurous life.”

"I'm still afraid of sharks though."

"Got it. The way to hack a fear is to distill what's scary into achievable steps. You don't have to go swimming in a deep ocean, go in the super safe ocean pool by the Natatorium. It’s only three feet deep, it's got a sea wall around it, and there’s only one small opening so the surf can’t get in and neither can the sharks."

"Okay, what if I'm still tempted to back out at the last minute?"

"Pick a buddy and promise to send a picture of you doing this, so they can hold you accountable and you have someone to celebrate this achievement with. Who's that?"

She pointed at me, "YOU!"

Guess who sent an "I DID IT!" text the following day? Yep, a grinning-from-ear-to-ear Brenda who had just gone for an exhilarating wade in the ocean.

Your turn.

What is a change you want to make? A risk you want to take? Something you want to do but fear has been holding you back?

Use these five steps to HACK A FEAR and motivate yourself to DO THE NEW.

1. Get out your phone and put a date on the calendar right now.
2. Give yourself a pretend S.E.E. to stop procrastinating.
3. Make the daunting do-able by distilling what scares you into achievable steps.
4. Make the experience metaphorical so it's more meaningful.
5. Pick an accountability buddy and share an "I DID IT" photo of your success.

Tina Fey says, "You can't be that kid standing at the top of the water-slide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute."

Tina's right. At the end of your life, you don't want to be that kid who stood at the top of the waterslide never going down the chute of adventure and opportunity.

Remind yourself that change doesn't take courage, it takes clarity.

Clarity that the clock is ticking. Clarity that the next time you're about to back out of something that will make your life more fulfilling, you ask yourself:

"What will matter a year from now? Will I regret backing out this opportunity - or will I be grateful I went down the slide of potential and made the most of my life?"

Remember, as Super Bowl coach Bruce Arians says, "No risk it, no biscuit."

You will never regret doing more of what puts the light on in your eyes. You will only regret playing it safe, letting fear win, and taking yourself out of the game of life.

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Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency, is on a mission to help people create the life and work of their dreams. Her 3 TEDx talks and 9 books have been featured in NY Times, on NPR, and presented to Intel, Capital One, NASA, Boeing, Cisco. This is excerpted from Sam's latest book SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week. Want to host a book club with Sam for your organization to motivate people to stop waiting and start initiating? Contact us.