Change it By-The-Rule!

Call it coincidence or excellent planning by me (it is the former, believe me!) but my 5 year old started her new school and I began my new assignment almost at the same time. And like every CHANGE it started with chaos - rushing through the morning chores; balancing the to-dos with the emotional state that she was in about going to a new school, unknown faces, travelling by bus and the works; ensuring each one of us remembered the essential (like I almost left behind my laptop one day!!); and of course, screaming at the unsuspecting (read: unparticipating!!) “man of the house” when things go awry.

But what I learnt in the last 10 days is CHANGE management all over again.

So, when I broke the news of this amazing coincidence to the family, everyone got excited and anxious all at once. My mom offered to come down and stay with us for a while to help settle things and I totally jumped with joy!

Rule 1 of managing change is “Say YES to every support / help you get.” No point playing super-(wo)man and then getting flustered right. When you get the right people and right intent as a combination just grab it… it makes the transitions so much simpler. The people involved already have bought-in to the idea so you don’t have to expend your energies in explaining them the how and why; they will pick up the threads & feel empowered to contribute to their areas.

It then moved to Rule 2, communicating and over-communicating the change! We went for a short holiday and even while experiencing the surfs & sand we talked about how our routines will change now. My daughter was very tentative about this “over enthusiasm” that I projected about her new school and new friends. “I don’t need new friends, mumma. I have enough and they are all awesome.” And then she had her 1001 questions “What about my old friends? Will I never meet them? What if the new teacher doesn’t like me or scolds me? What if I don’t like the colour of the uniform!! I am only a baby mumma, how can you let me travel by bus?” Patiently, with optimism and realism in the right blend I tried attempting them all. Assuring her that making new friends doesn’t mean losing on the old ones; gave her real examples of how I made different friends at different schools / colleges and had I not gone to new schools I would never have met some of the uncles & aunts that she is so fond of. It went on – systematically, ad hoc, sometimes the conversations seeming really ridiculous in my head. But I would like to think, it prepped her!

And then the d-day(s) arrived. As expected on the day, we were both bundle of nerves. After spending years building your credibility, the stakeholder support, team fun, rapport with the manager, soaked in one culture I gingerly stepped into what was to be my new workplace. My daughter’s day was a lot more dramatic - hugs, heart wrenching cries (like I was this ruthless mom sending her baby away!), my mom & hubby weeping silently too (ok, I accept I shed some tears as well). But when we reached back home she was a lot more upbeat!

“Mumma, I made two new friends in class and one in bus. Because I was crying in the bus I could make only one friend,” she justified. Wow, so many so soon – I mused. “How did you make friends, sweetheart? Why don’t you teach me as well,” I asked the little expert who was howling her lungs off just this morning.

And then came the words of wisdom. “Mumma, you just walk up to the one you want to make a friend. Then you say Hello / Good Morning I am Khevna, what is your name? Would you like us to be friends?” The simple and straight forward approach that could be only a 5-year-old’s was astounding. Needless to say she made a huge progress in “making friends” in the week that followed, which brought me to the fundamental & final Rule 3: Pick yourself up. Be yourself. Get to action.

While change is often expected to be a gradual evolution, takes time, takes nudges & pushes what I learnt from this particular event was “change is immediate” - like a band-aid pull off, if I may use the cliché. Not necessarily painful but you expect resistance as a natural human tendency. Preparing for change could be a long drawn, systematic process but once the change is effected I think it best is “immediate”.

What would be your thoughts?