A Chance Meeting

Several years ago, I had a moment with a person that I think affected both of us positively. It was while I was working for Deere in Iowa. I was sent down to the South to a test site to measure the noise of a new line of tractors. While I was there, the program had a celebration at a local bar. I was from out of town, and not an intrinsic part of the group. Acoustics people are often on the outside looking in. I am not a particularly social person and I was not familiar with most of the people gathered there. I stepped in and looked around briefly. I saw that the crowd was at tables, but the bar itself was sparse. I sat at the bar next to a person that was there. I ordered a beer, we looked at each other and said, “Hi”.

I had grown into a young adult in Arizona, and into adulthood in California. I had grown up with friends and classmates of many colors, creeds, genders (of course, though very mysterious to me) and sexual preferences. I have always been more focused on equations and the physics of how things work than the particulars of the people around me. This person was a very dark skinned African American. He was also a very strong looking person, both physically and in countenance. I remembered him from walking around the Product Engineering Center. He often had an imposingly grim look to his face.

At the bar, I offered him my hand and I introduced myself. His face opened, his eyes lit up, he smiled and shook my hand. We sat, sipping our beers and we talked about our careers. He had been in aerospace as had I. It became clear to him that I had only been with Deere a couple of years, as had he. He expressed his surprise at this. He said that he had seen me around and had assumed that I had been there forever. He asked me how I had gotten myself to fit in so well there. Here, I will say that at that time, in engineering there, the population was heavily bent toward old, white-haired, heavy, men. There were few people of color and fewer African American people. I have been in situations when I have walked into a room of people obviously different from me. This is the closest I have come to what was probably his experience. Not close, but I try to understand. It is damn uncomfortable, whether because I was a man, or not gay, or blondish, or of light skin color, or whatever was the difference. So, I understood that there was more going on than just a shy person trying to survive in a different surrounding. I had noticed uncomfortable differences from myself when I had started at the Center.

So, at the bar, this person asked me how it was that I had gotten myself to fit in so well and so quickly. I thought about my experiences and what may have been his experiences. I noted that I had moved around the country working for many companies. I had changed jobs and companies many times. I had a lot of experience trying to fit in. I was a highly educated expert in a narrow field. I have changed companies for various reasons. Companies either need an expert at a particular time, or they don’t. You either generalize and stay, or you move on to the next company that needs that expertise. Some companies were start-ups that failed. Some companies were on a slow decline. Also, my family growing up had changed cities and towns following my father trying to stay employed to finance our large family in difficult economic times. So, I had learned to fit in.

Back at the bar, I told my companion there what I thought had helped me. I remembered seeing him with an imposingly grim face and then recognized that this was probably his defense mechanism. I don’t know for certain, of course. I told him that I try to present a friendly, open face to people. I go out of my way to look accepting of others. I greet people and try to address them with respect. I said what I could to try to help. I am not an expert in friendliness, so I won’t go on about it.

Upon my return to the PEC, one of the engineers on the program noted to me that I had spoken with this person. He was curious about our conversation. I said that I didn’t know, but that we had a nice time. He said that some in the group thought this person was going to move back to Alabama. It might have been Georgia, pardon me, it was several years ago. I said, “Oh?”. He noted that the company spends a lot on getting people there, and then they just up and leave after a couple of years. Over the time of my employment at Deere, there were obvious attempts and successes, I think, of trying to broaden the spectrum of people that worked there.

So, a few times, I passed the person I had met at the bar. We said, “Hi”, in passing. I noticed that he was presenting a much friendlier look. I don’t know if it was my imagination, or just that was how he happened to look at that time. I did not interact with this fellow through regular work, and I am most typically in my own head. I did not go out of my way to be his friend. I don’t do that for anyone. Sometimes I wish I was more open to making closer friends. After some time, I never saw him again. I don’t know where he ended up, but I wish him well on his journey.