Champion to Many, Invisible to Many More

(WOW. I can't believe it's been 5 months since I wrote a new article for Wong Not White. It's not like I was getting married or anything! ;-) I've been really busy getting my life together and managing all that work and life brings me. I was neck-deep into wedding planning, got a new fur baby - first-time cat mom! - prepared and presented my first big speech, applied for Canadian Permanent Residency, and prioritized putting my health first. Enjoy this post I wrote a few weeks ago!)

If leaders were all the same, they'd be robots - thousands, maybe millions of them - that would lead companies towards success.

But, that's not reality. Every leader is not the same. We differ in opinions, values, aspirations, drive, and most importantly - style.

It takes a lot of work to be the leader we want to be. It takes hands-on experience, practice, and consistency. Leaders also don't have to have the formal title. A title makes you a leader, but it doesn't make you a good or effective leader. A good leader shows up regardless of the title they hold.

We tend to focus on developing one leadership style - the one that aligns best with our personality, strengths, weaknesses, goals, and values. But, one leadership style will never work. The best leaders adapt to different leadership styles depending on the needs of their team. It's less about what the leader needs; instead, it's about others.

My natural leadership style is a combo of affiliative and democratic. I'm learning how to develop my other leadership styles - such as authoritative - without feeling guilty.

Something about being 'authoritative' scares me. In my head, it feels non-inclusive, like I'm the expert (which is a term I hate because who is ever actually an expert in anything?), and it gives off the aura that I have no care in the world for what others believe or think (which I absolutely do, being the sappy, empathic, people-pleaser I am). But, part of me is getting over that deep insecurity. This year, I've just begun to be proud of my strengths that others deem as their weaknesses. Seeing how others have decided to pursue other opportunities, given up, or failed, as well as watching others succeed and accomplish their dreams, has helped me carve my awareness around what makes me a proud AAPI leader and how my weaknesses and strengths contribute to my success with not only myself but with my team.

I finally gave myself some credit! And, accepted that I can absolutely be authoritative and inclusive.

Last year, I sat in on an interesting talk by my friend James Lee, CFP?, CRPC?, AIF? for our FPA Asian-American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Knowledge Circle, where he explained the double bamboo ceiling for AAPI women and how traditional AAPI culture shows up in the way we show up in the workplace. This talk was one of the few that validated my AAPI leadership experiences and put deeper meaning into who I am as someone who identifies as an AAPI woman, such as:

1. My slow email responses might upset some people - and I'm cool with that. As AAPI, I value community and family first. On big decisions, I always ask my team and others for feedback before making a decision so I'm thoughtful and can form a collective response. This causes my emails to be delayed, but for good reason - to ensure I'm making the right decision since it doesn't just affect me but all stakeholders. But, there's no doubt I read EVERY single email I receive and I will never fail to respond.
2. I'll be a champion to many and invisible to many more. Since the beginning of COVID, I've dealt with an internal battle of how to show up as a leader not just for myself but for my team. As I was learning more and more about DEI and not only the POC v. Non-POC racism, but I was also learning about racism between different POC groups. Regardless of others' perspectives and biases towards the AAPI community, I can only control how I show up for myself and for others. While I can educate others, it's not my responsibility to change everyone's perspectives.
3. AAPI women are the most underutilized resource. You will not find a harder-working individual than an AAPI woman who can both lead, execute, and build communities around them. After working closely with so many AAPI women from my sorority, in the non-profit space, and in financial services, I'm always amazed by both the leadership and hardworking nature of AAPI women that it's truly inspiring. It's always the AAPI women that have their shit together.

Cheers,

M