CHAMPION CHAT

This week in one of my coaching groups I was talking about prospecting. All of the members of this group belong to the same organization and represent the same carrier. As we talked, I realized that the carrier they represent provides them with prospecting and sales scripts that are all about statistics, facts and figures. Folks, That's not what gets you appointments, helps you make sales or have a successful enrollment! Emotion does.

When I started in the voluntary benefits industry I quoted facts, figures, stats, etc. However, when a client/friend died a horrible death and I got to deliver a $700,000 check to his grieving wife, I finally got it. Because I did my job she was able to stay home, raise her kids and not have to worry about how to financially adjust to the death of her spouse. That policy did not replace him, but it replaced his earning power and that experience changed me forever.

After that I became the trusted advisor who utilized emotion, tonality, gesticulation, volume and stories to steer business owners to the right decision to offer voluntary benefits and employees to make the decision to protect themselves and their families.

Below is my coaching module on emotional intelligence. Read it, digest it and use the tools and skills in this module to help others make that right decision.

If you are a leader who wants me to help you communicate this concept to your team, just click on the link below to set up a time to talk for 30 minutes at no cost on zoom:

https://calendly.com/championcoachjoe/discovery-coaching-call

WINNING WITH EQ

Discussion Questions

? What would other people who are close to you say regarding your self-awareness?

? When was the last time you had a personality conflict with a coworker or client and how did you resolve it?

? Have you ever lost a sale due to the social environment not being conducive to a buying environment.

? Have you ever studied emotional intelligence (EQ)?

? If so, how would you rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 regarding your EQ? Why?

Key Concepts

? People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

? Selling is not telling. Selling is listening and asking great questions.

? Selling is a transference of emotions.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional intelligence (or EQ, Emotional Quotient) allows you to connect with others at an emotional level that leaves them knowing that you care about them and have connected with them. As a top producer, it’s important to keep in mind that in any given selling situation, two sets of emotions are involved—your own and those of the buyer. People buy because they like and trust you, and at its core, selling is a transference of emotions.

To understand the importance of EQ, it’s important to understand how your brain processes information. As you use your five senses to process the world around you, that information travels through different parts of the brain. These signals begin at the spinal cord and then travel through the limbic system before arriving at your frontal lobe, where rational thinking takes place. The limbic system is where you process your emotions.

So, before you can process anything rationally, you are first experiencing it emotionally.

EQ requires effective communication between the emotional and rational centers of the brain and is a skill that can be taught. EQ is the ability to be aware of and manage your own emotions as well as the emotions of others.

This is broken down into four parts:

1. Self-Awareness

2. Self-Management

3. Social Awareness

4. Social Management

Having EQ puts you in control of the situation. If you’re able to manage your own emotions about closing the sale and truly listen to your buyer, you’ll be able to hear what the buyer is telling you instead of pushing on to the next phase of the sales cycle.

Being aware of the situation and what the buyer might be thinking or feeling allows you to think on your feet and better control the situation. It also allows you to address any objections or concerns that you may not otherwise have noticed. You can get to a certain level in sales by working the numbers—making your calls, setting your meetings, and efficiently following up.

But if you want to reach that next level, you’ll need EQ. Top producers are masters of the four parts of EQ. The key to EQ is to constantly seek improvement. There is no finish line when it comes to learning about and improving your EQ.

The moment you think you’re emotionally intelligent enough is when you need emotional intelligence the most. At the end of the day, improving your EQ will help you adapt to others’ emotions and leave them feeling better than before they met with you.

As Spencer Hays, said, “It doesn’t matter what you say to someone. All that matters is how you make them feel.”

SELF AWARENESS

To be a master of EQ, you must first seek out self-awareness. Without self-awareness, you won’t be able to work through the other three areas of EQ. Self-awareness is an ongoing process. There is no point where you will magically be deemed self-aware. It requires constantly checking in with yourself and becoming increasingly comfortable with who you are, especially your emotions and how you react to the world around you.

To become more self-aware, you can seek out more information about yourself and how you come across to other people.

It’s important to be open to feedback, especially in areas where you might have weaknesses.

STRATEGIES FOR SEEKING SELF-AWARENESS

1. Observe your feelings with a neutral point of view. It’s important to remember that your emotions do not determine who you are as a person. The way you react to them does.

2. Discover who or what pushes your buttons. Figuring out what your “hot buttons” are allows you tune into what or who might cause you extra stress or set you on edge.

3. Start a journal and focus on your emotions. Journaling helps you process your emotions more effectively. Sometimes it’s hard to name an emotion in the moment, but the process of reflecting and writing the experience down can bring it to light.

4. Think about why you do/don’t do certain things. Are there activities you really enjoy and seek out and others that you avoid? Part of self-awareness is knowing what those situations are.

5. Learn what your values are. Values are your deepest desires for how you want to behave. For example, they could be treating everyone fairly or constantly challenging yourself to grow.

Below is a partial list of some common values. You can find a complete list by searching for the words value list online. Pick the top five that are the most important to you. You can use this list to determine how you should be spending most of your time.

Authenticity Fame Growth Happiness Autonomy Balance Boldness Compassion Creativity Determination Diligence Fairness Fame Growth Loyalty Happiness Honestly Influence Kindness Knowledge Leadership Love Openness Optimism Nurture Peace Pragmatism Reputation Respect Responsibility Security Service Spirituality Trustworthiness Wisdom

6. Constantly seek feedback. Asking others who know you well about what you are like and how you come across to other people is one of the best ways to seek self-awareness. Those close to you can see things that you might not otherwise notice. A good way to approach seeking feedback is to conduct a Self-Awareness Interview, which is covered in the next section.

7. Notice how you react under pressure. Maybe you talk faster or start to fidget. Being able to manage your emotions under stress is an invaluable resource. To do that, you’ll need to be aware of how you react under pressure.

8. Use self-assessment tests.

9. What are some good strategies for self-awareness that you can put into action now?

SELF-AWARENESS INTERVIEWS

One of the best ways to get started is to conduct Self-Awareness Interviews with those who know you the best. The Self-Awareness Interview is a system for getting honest feedback. Through asking a series of seven questions to the people who know you best, you can learn about areas in which you might be excelling and other areas where there might be room for improvement.

Pick three to five people in your life that you’re fairly close with who would be extremely honest with you about your strengths and your weaknesses. It could be a significant other, a parent, a best friend, or a coworker. The key is to interview people who will be extremely honest and forthright. You can help by creating a safe environment for them. Tell them that even if it’s good or bad, you want to hear it because you’re focused on growth and accountability. The Self-Awareness Interview Questions

1. What do you see as my strengths in my everyday life and business?

2. What are my weaknesses in my everyday life and business?

3. What do you think my blind spots are regarding my self-awareness?

4. What are things that people can depend on from me?

5. What are things that people can’t depend on from me?

6. How do you think I make people feel in social and business environments?

7. Are there any situations you know of where I’ve lacked empathy?

In order to become truly self-aware, you have to be vulnerable and totally open to feedback, both positive and negative. In the space below, list three to five people who are close to you and would give you open and honest feedback to the questions above.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

SELF-AWARENESS IN YOUR SALES PRESENTATION

In order to build self-awareness of how you come across to prospects during the sales cycle, it’s important to record your presentation and perform a self-evaluation. This is one of the most effective ways of improving as a presenter. If you get in the habit of recording and watching yourself, you will see exponential improvement. The purpose of this exercise is to take note of your unconscious actions. You may not be aware of something you say or a nervous habit you have when presenting.

METHODS OF SELF-AWARENESS FOR YOUR PRESENTATION

METHOD 1 ? WATCH YOUR VIDEO ON MUTE

o Watching your video on mute allows you to notice the gestures that you use during you presentations.

METHOD 2 ? WATCH YOUR VIDEO WITH YOUR BACK TO THE SCREEN

o Listen to your vocal variety and how you use intonation in your presentation.

METHOD 3 ? WATCH YOUR VIDEO IN FAST FORWARD

o Once in fast forward, it will be easier to pick up and notice nervous or annoying gestures that you have while presenting.

METHOD 4 ? WATCH YOUR VIDEO IN NORMAL SPEED

o This allows you to see how the entire presentation comes together.

METHOD 5 ? SURVEY THE AUDIENCE AFTER YOUR PRESENTATION

o Surveying the prospects after your presentation will give you immediate feedback from several people. .

METHOD 6 ? ASK YOUR MANAGER OR YOUR PEER TO WATCH YOUR PRESENTATION

o Seeking feedback from someone who knows you and the insurance industry will also provide you with valuable insight on what you do well and what could use improvement. After watching your presentation, ask yourself, would I buy from me? In the space below, list the areas that you could focus on improving.

SELF-MANAGEMENT

The next step in achieving a high EQ is self-management. Self-management is using your self awareness to manage your emotions and determine your actions in any given situation.

Once you’ve started to become more self-aware, you can start to focus on self-management. The person who can best manage their emotions during an interaction is usually the one who comes out on top. Whether it’s a sales presentation or a personal conversation, if you can be aware of your emotions and know how to manage them, you will be more successful in your interactions with others. Managing yourself is about taking the time to put your best self forward. A lot of this is determined by your preparation and what is going on behind the scenes.

The steps below are good ways to practice self-management.

1. Step back and wait.

a. A huge part of self-management is not reacting immediately. Take the time for self reflection and wait to make a decision or to respond. Practice focusing on your breathing if you’re in a stressful situation. Sleep on it if possible.

2. Schedule time to work through your problems.

a. Worrying is a waste of time because it doesn’t fix anything. If you build time into your schedule to work through problems you’re currently trying to solve, you can avoid worrying about those problems outside of that assigned time.

3. Schedule down time.

a. Just as you schedule your most important meetings, you should schedule time to recharge. This may be going to the gym. It may be planning a date night with your significant other. It may be blocking off a night at home to watch a movie. Any activity that you find helps you recharge should be scheduled on your calendar with the same importance that you would treat any client-facing meeting.

4. Spend time focusing on your strengths.

a. Once you’re aware of your strengths and what brings you the most satisfaction, your time is well spent focusing on those things at which you excel. For example, maybe you’re great at and enjoy teaching others about your business.

5. Surround yourself with people who are good at your weaknesses.

a. You don’t want to spend time worrying about your weaknesses, but you can take steps to improve in areas that might affect your quality of life or business. If you’re not great at cold calls, shadow someone on your team that is good at getting past the gatekeeper. If your presentation and speaking skills could be better, seek feedback from your team or join Toastmasters.

6. Establish good morning and evening routines.

a. Taking time for yourself at the beginning and the end of each day is a great way to practice self-management. You can use this time to meditate, journal, and practice other self-awareness activities. Also, making sure you get a good nights’ sleep can help ensure that you are always operating at your best.

b. Completing the same routine each night will help signal to your body that it’s almost time for bed and make falling asleep easier.

The following is an example of a good basic evening routine if you want to be asleep by 10 pm:

Time Routine

8:45 pm Turn off all screens (TV, phone, etc.) and plan for your morning. Layout your clothes, pack your gym and/or work bag, prep your coffee, and do anything else that might save you time in the morning.

9:00 pm Brush your teeth.

9:05 pm Read your affirmations out loud in the mirror.

9:10 pm Journal, meditate, or do yoga, etc., for 15 minutes. Focus on what you did well that day

9:25 pm Change into your pajamas.

9:30 pm Get in bed and read or listen to a book. (Reading as little as 6 minutes at a time has been proven to lower stress.)

9:50 pm Turn out the lights.

7. Practice positive self-talk and visualize your goals.

a. Studies have shown that your brain can’t tell the difference between a real event and an imagined one. Taking the time for positive self-talk can change the pathways in your brain to think the way you choose. If there are areas that are weaknesses for you or particularly challenging, including these in your positive self-talk can help improve your confidence in those areas. Taking the time to visualize achieving your goals will help rewire your brain to make them possible.

b. Before you can actually believe in a goal, you have to have an idea of what achieving it will look like. Visualization can help prepare you to reach that goal. The purpose of visualization is to create a strong mental image and stay motivated to reach your goal. On the next page are some steps you can take while visualizing your goals.

Visualization Steps:

1. Close your eyes and think about your goal.

2. Imagine yourself achieving that goal.

3. What will happen when you achieve that goal?

4. Go through the five senses.

a. What will achieving my goal look like?

b. What will it feel like?

c. What will it sound like?

d. What will it smell like?

e. What will it taste like?

5. Write it down, draw a picture, or map out a diagram as another way of visualizing your goal.

8.Talk to someone who is a neutral party.

a. If you are actually dealing with a problem, it’s important to seek out advice from someone who is not as emotionally invested in the situation. This person might be able to provide a point of view that you would otherwise have missed.

9. Accept that change is a part of life.

a. Life can be difficult. Self-management can be choosing to accept that problems will arise. If you can change your mindset to be accepting of these challenges as a part of life, it will be easier to manage your emotions during these situations. What are some good strategies for self-management that you can put into action now?

Write your ideas on a sheet of paper.

SOCIAL AWARENESS

As you now know, self-awareness is noticing your own mood, reactions, and emotions. Social awareness is recognizing others’ moods, reactions, and emotions.

Developing a high EQ means being able to sense what other people are feeling and noticing where they might be coming from in a situation. This step begins with self-awareness and self-management.

Recognizing your own emotions in a situation and managing those emotions will give you a clearer head and a better ability to recognize the emotions of others. This means you must do more than listen to their words. You need to take note of their nonverbal cues and put yourself in their shoes.

Sun Tzu talks about this concept in the bestseller, The Art of War. He says, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.”

There is a reason so many leaders and businesspeople study this book. Sun Tzu’s strategies often apply to life and business. Your prospect during a sales presentation isn’t the enemy, but if you know yourself and your business inside and out and learn nothing about your prospect’s needs or concerns during that presentation, that isn’t considered a victory, and the odds are you won’t make that sale.

Social awareness is something that can be learned. Even if you have this skill innately, it can constantly be improved upon.

The following are some steps to developing your social awareness.

1. Listen.

a. This is more than just listening to the words that someone is saying. A person may not be comfortable telling you how they feel, especially in a business setting. What are their facial expressions and body language telling you? What about their tone of voice?

For example, are they saying they understand but still look confused and sound unsure? Should you take their words at face value? No. You also need to be an active listener. Nod your head and make eye contact. Ask questions to learn more. Get clarification when needed. This can also be as simple as repeating back a key point the other person has made in order to show that you are listening and understanding.

2. Consider the person’s situation.

a. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Consider their motivations and their fears. Ask yourself, what is their mission? It’s important to think about the whole picture rather than just the situation you are in currently. Are they going through any personal or business stress? Are there any other steps you can take to help them further their mission?

3. Be aware of your surroundings.

a. Sometimes there is more to a situation than what you first notice. Is there anything going on with the group dynamic? Are you in a distracting setting? If you’re on the phone, what is going on in the background? What does the person’s tone of voice tell you?

4. Practice people watching.

a. You won’t get better at reading people until you commit to practice. Each interaction is an opportunity to learn and improve. Being intentional about improving your ability to read social cues is the key to bettering your social awareness. People watching at the airport, a coffee shop, or somewhere else where people gather is a great way to practice developing your ability to read people. From a distance, notice how others reveal their moods and express themselves. Most likely you’ll be able to pick up on what might be going on without even having to speak to them. Below are some suggestions of what to notice when you practice people watching.

b. What are they wearing? For example, are they wearing any sports paraphernalia? If so, they’re telling you about a team or region with which they instantly identify.

c. How are they carrying themselves? Maybe they have good posture with their shoulders back and appear confident. They might be hunched over and appear closed off or sad.

d. What is their emotional state? By observing someone’s facial expressions, you can often tell a lot about what they are feeling. The same is true of actions. They might be fidgeting and appear nervous.

e. Do they appear introverted or extroverted? They might be smiling at others and appear friendly, welcoming conversation. Introverts may avoid eye contact or keep to themselves.

5. Improve your capacity for empathy.

a. Empathy requires you relate to another person’s situation without judgment. Everyone is going through life in a different way and has his or her own mission. When it comes to your prospects and clients, it is your job to help them in that mission as it pertains to your product or service. Empathy is more than knowing from where someone is coming; it’s making the effort to understand.

b. Social awareness is having enough empathy and respect for other people that you do not want to offend them. It’s important to be aware of what might offend others. Many people think offending others is funny, but it’s not. You’re not getting paid to offend people. If you chalk it up to “That’s who I am and I don’t care,” that means you lack EQ.

6. Remember names and use them.

a. A name is deeply personal and a part of a person’s identity. It feels good when someone calls you by your name. Using names is a great way to connect with others instantly. It automatically makes your interaction more personal. Recalling names might take some concentration and practice, but it’s an important step in social awareness. Below are some quick and easy techniques to use when you’re trying to remember people’s names.

b. As soon as you meet someone, repeat their name back to them three to four times in conversation and ask if they have any nicknames.

c. Associate the person with someone you know who has the same name. Picturing that person with the same name in your head helps you associate the person you just met with the person you know.

d. Use word association. If the person’s name has an alternate meaning, like a place or object, think of those as you repeat the person’s name back to them.

e. If you know you’re going into a meeting with some people you don’t know, ask the organizer to tell you the names of the attendees in advance. Write them down. Look them up on LinkedIn or the company website before the meeting.

7. Understand that everyone plays by different rules.

a. The key to relating to others is to treat them how they want to be treated, not how you want to be treated. Someone’s culture or personal values strongly influence their rules of relating to others. The best thing you can do is to first sit back and observe as much as possible. How does the person interact with others? How do they show appreciation? The next step is asking questions and getting to know them better, which might be best done outside of an office or meeting setting. What are some good strategies for social awareness that you can put into action now?

Write your ideas on a sheet of paper.

HOW DO YOU EMPATHIZE WITH A QUESTION?

At its core, EQ is empathy and being considerate of others. One of the best ways to put EQ into practice is through listening. Instead of waiting for time to say the next thing on your mind or recite the next part of your sales presentation, it’s important to slow down and listen to what the person you’re talking to is asking. Your goal is to give the person asking the question the actual information they need and not just what you think they need to hear.

Once someone asks you a question, take the following five steps in order to form your best answer.

1. First ask yourself in what emotional state is this question being asked?

a. There are six basic emotions.

i.Happiness

ii. Sadness

iii. Anger

iv. Fear

v. Disgust

vi. Surprise

b. Next, pause and think about their situation in life/business at the moment.

2. Repeat the question back to them.This allows you to:

a. Acknowledge you’re listening

b. Have time to craft the best answer by taking the rest of the steps

3. What is the best next step for them to help further their mission?

a. Your answer should be based on helping them move forward in that mission.

4. Look at your surroundings and notice who else can hear you.

a. Re-ask yourself the question from their point of view. Sometimes your answer isn’t just about the person asking it. You need to consider the missions of the other people who are listening.

5. Create an answer that considers all these factors.

a. Sometimes the first thing that comes to mind is not the answer the person needs or even the right answer at all. If you’re practicing EQ, you are in tune to your own emotional state and not just responding to prompts others give you. You are truly listening and empathizing with.

SOCIAL MANAGEMENT

Social management is the final stage of EQ. In order to become a Master of Social Management, you must become well versed in self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness.

Social management is a skill that uses each of these areas.

Social management is the ability to navigate relationships and social situations. By managing your own emotions and being aware of the emotions of others, you can strategize to make the best of any situation. This is especially important in a selling.environment .

1. Foster relationships.

a. This will be easier with some people than with others. You may already foster relationships naturally in your personal life, but it’s something you should do at the office as well. It may not be in your job description, but it is essential to social management at the office. If you’re willing to be open and share some of your motivations and experiences, other people will better understand from where you.are coming. Fostering relationships also requires you to be interested in others. Ask your coworkers questions about themselves. You’ll learn something new and develop a deeper connection. This doesn’t mean you have to bear your soul or get into anything you consider too personal, but understanding people, their goals, and motivations is a keyway to practice social management.

2. Focus on your communication strengths, but don’t ignore your weaknesses.

a. You have a natural way of communicating with others. Your Self-Awareness Interviews and your Navigate assessment can help you determine what your communication style is. Use your natural communication strengths to enhance your relationships. Maybe you’re a storyteller or a great listener. Those are skills.that can help you connect with others. Also consider your weaknesses. What are some areas you can improve? Maybe you tend to interrupt other people before they are finished speaking or you tend to have a hard time focusing and tune others out. If you choose a couple weaknesses to work on changing, you can improve your overall communication.

3. Be polite.

a. Good manners can be hard to come by these days. A “thank you,” “please,” or “I’m sorry” can go a long way in any relationship. Think about how often you say these words. If it’s not often, work on incorporating them into your relationships—personal and business. People appreciate hearing “thank you” when they’ve done a good job and “I’m sorry” when it is needed. Being able to own up to your mistakes can help with social management. Acknowledging there has been a wrongdoing is the first step in diffusing any negative situation.

4. Tell the truth.

a. To practice social management effectively, the people with whom you have relationships—personal or business—need to trust you. Authenticity is one of the foundations of building trust. You should mean what you say. If you apologize to someone but don’t feel sorry, they will probably be able to tell from your body language or facial expression. If you’re true to yourself and have consistency in your word’s actions over time, that will build trust with others. This takes time. Identify the relationships in your life that could benefit from more trust and take the steps to build it.

5. Accept what you cannot change and adapt.

a. You deal with difficult people and difficult situations every day. They can’t be avoided, but they can be improved upon through social management. For example, you have a coworker that gets under your skin. If you didn’t have to interact with him, you wouldn’t. However, you sit next to each other, and your manager has asked you to let him shadow you. The only way to make the best of this situation is to manage your emotions, which starts with self-awareness and knowing why he gets under your skin. Meet with him to plan out how the shadow day will go. Maybe he has some skills you aren’t aware of or maybe you get under his skin too. Focusing on his strengths and understanding where he comes from will help build the foundation for a working relationship.

6. Control the controllables.

a. Just as there are situations that you cannot change, there are aspects of any situation that you can control. It’s important to identify what those controllables are and come up with a plan. For example, if you’re going into a meeting with your manager and you know they tend to lose focus, it might be helpful to send over an agenda ahead of time to make sure you stay on task. Sometimes controllables are the logistics and sometimes it’s your own attitude. Planning can help ensure success in any social interaction. What are some good strategies for social management that you can put into action now? Write your ideas on a sheet of paper.

ACTION ITEMS

1. Conduct a self awareness interview with at least 3 people you can trust

2. Record your appointment setting approach and your sales presentation and share them with your coach, manager and accountability partner

3. Make a list of some of the ways you can use EQ right now.

4. Practice empathizing with questions

Recommended Reading:

? Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greeve