Challenging the Illusion of Balance

“I have exciting news—I’m pregnant!” I was ecstatic to hear a colleague, fellow woman, and someone whose career I admired reveal this news to me. I am typically the one reaching out for advice from her, so I was flattered when she followed up her announcement with, “How do you balance it all with your boys?”

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“Oh, you don’t need balance. You’ve gotta find your harmony!” I quickly replied.?

I have been challenging the illusion of “work-life balance” for a while now.?

Why?

Because balance implies that there is something off—that there is something not 100%, the equilibrium will falter and then something falls, breaks, or fails. (Hence why I’ve never liked that assertion.) It’s not a fair assessment of the vital parts of your life, and so instead, I choose to look at work and life through the lens of harmony.?

Harmony is the mastering of progression. As you focus on simultaneous efforts, you’ll see the unison of your hard work blending into something beautiful, kind of like a choir! I won’t lie to you and say that a harmonious life does not take internal discipline, but with determination and some rehearsals, you’ll get there. Like a choir, it takes a lot of individual practice to find that perfect harmony.?

To me, a deliberate breakdown of how to approach your intended harmony is where the real fun begins, but it’s also a test of your self-discipline. Your mindset will not shift without dedicated and repetitive time spent finding your synergy.?

This is where I recommend calling in the expert and purchasing Danielle LaPorte’s book Desire Map to help you gain clarity on where to focus your energies. That being said, I will always default to knowing HOW you want to feel as the most potent (and important) clarity you can have while generating your harmony. The next challenge is identifying the priorities in each lifestyle area (as Danielle refers to them): Livelihood and Lifestyle, Body and Wellness, Creativity and Learning, Relationship and Society, and Essence and Spirituality. Similar to a chorus, each section plays an integral role in the overall function. And there can be endless focuses and variations within these sections—they truly are intrinsic to you!?

For my harmonies to stay synergistic, I have learned that I need my morning routines, or, as I call them, Miracle Mornings—a term you might recognize from the brilliant Hal Elrod—this is where all of my priorities convene into their harmonious sections for a successful day.?

My mornings are work, but they are worth the discipline. This is a lesson I learned the hard way months ago when my boss and mentor passed away abruptly. It was a shock and a stressor for many reasons. On top of losing someone I looked up to and respected, suddenly I was jolted into his position, his job, with a laundry list of responsibilities and slack to pick up from his absence.?

My mornings, unsurprisingly, took a hit.?

I stayed up past midnight working on financial models for investors, slept in, and abandoned the body I was in. It was not a good situation. Everything—my relationships, my mental health, my physical health, all faded into disarray. Like an orchestra missing its entire string section, everything came to a screeching halt, and it left me with no harmony.?

A few months later, I turned that tune around. For good. I returned to my Miracle Mornings.

My husband sat and worked with me as I set boundaries on things I didn’t even know were affecting my harmony, like striving to meal prep, falling into the comparison trap of social media, or losing sight on what was actually a priority at work and I found the synergy I had lost. My relationships, work output, and mental and physical health all did a 180 for the better.

If I had been focusing this entire time on balance, I doubt I’d be where I am today. Balance encourages you to absorb the challenge into your life, sacrificing priorities in their place. Harmony allows you to inspect what is working and what is not and edit the outliers not serving you or your peace so you can absorb the shockwaves and adapt to what works best for you.?

For me, life is about persistence in service of harmony. And when those harmonies click, synergistic magic ensues.