CHAINS 2024

I never wanted to be that girl?

“What happened to Dionna?”

I used to ask other people this question, when it came to talented people leaving the scene.

I’m at a severe place of instability & WTF moments? Is my life truly over? Should I even continue believing in myself, my brand, my work? I wrote in a previous entry, about experiencing a mid-life crisis and I think I’m definitely there! Is this what it feels like? To devote your entire life to something, then realize that you actually no longer have what you used to have?—?you are now unseen!

Then I begin to have a broader question…are you only deemed worthy in dance, if you’ve danced for a big/upcoming artist or choreographed for a big/upcoming artist or you’ve done a Broadway show or you’ve worked for a top company in concert dance or even won tons of accolades in hip hop competitions? I ask these questions because none of what I listed above, have ever been a part of my life trajectory. Some would say I wasn’t focused enough or had the right mindset. And to that end, I would partially agree with that because I truly believe that you just “don’t know what you don’t know” and you only maneuver in spaces that make you feel alive… We are all focused on something, but it may not be the vision that the universe has for our lives. And maybe the things that you should have learned how to do earlier on, you were in your <tunnel vision phase>, where the only thing you were actually doing?.?.?. was staying present. Isn’t this what is preached to us now? Staying present and finding/practicing ways on how not to become so distracted with social media and our cell phones…also, not to allow our jobs to be the holy grail on our personal identity?

All that to say…

The title to this piece is CHAINS. Why you may ask?

Is everything I listed above considered a chain???

A good friend brought this to my attention in conversation one day. But the way he prefaced it was more so along the lines of: things holding you down, holding you back. And this is in actually what a chain is. Not the fashionable type, the type that you recall our ancestors being restricted to, in days past. But invisibly succomed to, in the present.

So what am I trying to say?

Have we built chains into the fabric of our being by the societal construct that other peoples fame makes you “famous” acknowledged, respected and SEEN by association?—?that it’s a key determinant of your value & your worth, from an unconscious level, but on a conscious level?—?you will begin to have more power? But if you really think about it... most of the power is still in the hands of white leaders and some aren’t even “doing the work” towards true change, they are merely running a business and practicing performative support with our talent. And even if these entities are not ran by white leaders, then they are ran by leaders who’ve yet to take a PUBLIC stance on how they truly feel…in their support for you or those like you. These leaders are “saving face”?—?their businesses. Where I understand their plight…it makes it so difficult for those of us who really and truly want to create change, verbally showing people that we care and stand for something!

This has gotten off subject but I’m asking: are we that blinded by the bag and the external validation of what association gives to our names or was this the only way we feel like WE can be seen…because of the deep insecurity and traumas that we internally hold. Does it really make us feel better on the inside or only for that moment?

I guess what I’m actually alluding to is what happens to the rest of us?—?the ones who are never enough to reach those dreams or goals of ours? Have we just been at the wrong place at the wrong time? What did those other people have that we didn’t? Aren’t we all just as deserving, especially when we’ve put in the work!

What happens to us?

Do these chains keep us as a symbol we all once read about in our “history books” or is it the conscious societal awareness that we’ve obtained?

CHAINS

Am I chained?

Are you chained?

Are we chained to the fact that we are only valuable and appear valuable by others, IF we do what they do and get what they get? Say what they say?

And “LIKED” by_________________________ (you fill in the blank)

Lastly, as I am…why don’t you sit with some deep reflection, doing some soul work and ponder how YOU are chained?

~deeply