Celebrating 24 Years in Finding Significance & Living my Purpose

So, when I unpack the last 24 years in America (08/09/99), which is 50% of my entire life and the vast majority of my ‘grown up’ life, it has been helpful to think about it through the lens of the 3S’: survival, success and significance.

Rather than unpacking a chronological story, the 3S’ story, while it represents an evolutionary perspective over time, also reflects the realities of how and when some of the traumas, challenges, opportunities and perspectives have presented themselves. Also, it helps me evaluate how each of these elements may have shown up differently in the 6 different spheres of my life (self, friends & family, job, workplace, community, money) by understanding that I’m one person, not 6, and thus considering the correlations and overlaps between these areas, has been important.

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In looking back:

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Survival was about getting and keeping my head above the water, managing periods of intense workloads with personal priorities to minimize overwhelm. Navigating divorce and periods of feeling lost, along with career transitions and injuries, that required a change of focus. It also included managing chronic stress over a few years culminating in being on the verge of broken- financially, professionally and emotionally - often the confluence of these elements together. I am grateful these experiences have been metaphorical for survival rather than physical. They were sometimes hugely emotionally challenging but my support system, focus on physical wellbeing and ability to maintain hope about what was to come and belief I could get there, always got me through. I have been close to some friends who have not been so lucky.

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Success periods came on the rugby pitch in the earlier days accumulating wins with my team (Old Blue NY) and earning selections for the USA; and at work via promotions, pay increases. Then, having founded and in leading a non-profit organization via growing employees, beneficiaries, revenue, sponsors, achieving professional accolades, titles, grants & awards. These are the traditional measures of success and for many of us, this is where we spend a good portion of our careers.

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Significance has shown up in pursuing and living my purpose. It turns out, I discovered this on a long rocky road, following my passions without tangible direction but knowing and being determined we would always progress. The motivation throughout was around impact and the more clearly I have defined that impact (on others) over time, the clearer my direction and the more accurately I have been able to articulate meaningful ambitions to drive towards. This has enabled me to be intentional about going forward as my best, authentic self and making a meaningful difference along the way (which is ultimately, the thing I care about most in life).

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That intentionality has been largely focused at work which was strongly connected in the community, and in relationships over time. Having experienced success and failure in all these areas, it’s fair to say that significance didn’t guarantee success, rather made the journey meaningful. When you truly care, some of the failures hurt even more, but that can drive you forward. At home now, significance has grown more organically with my family - wife (anniversary in 2 weeks) & 2 kiddos (turning 4 & 1 this weekend). We are also incredibly grateful to be part of an amazing community of families with little kids where we live (and of course Dad’s 10 years younger than me)! I’m even coaching the local U5 soccer team this fall. Me. Soccer. Ha!!

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Significance provides meaning. It’s meaningful relationships and experiences that drive much of our happiness and fulfillment in life. Significance inspires us, reframes our view of success and measures of self-worth by transitioning our focus from me, to we, to world. It encourages us to evolve beyond the urgent to the important, in a sustainable way. We still tick the success metrics off- it’s just our motivations sit beyond these metrics.

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So here are 5 steps you can consider, if you’re looking for more happiness, fulfillment and inspiration in your life. You’ll get there by intentionally seeking out moments of significance that provide meaningful experiences for you:

5 Steps to Living a Life of Significance with Purpose:?

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1. Self Reflection

• Where are you with these 3s’ right now?
• Where do you want to be?
• On a scale of 1-10, picking the most relevant ‘S’ for each, how would you rate yourself against the 6 spheres of your life- self, friends & family, work, workplace, community & money??
• Take notes as to how these scores may have changed during different seasons of your life.

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2. Seeking Desires

• Based upon the scores above, what would you like them to be in 3 years time
• What initial?things come to mind when you think about closing the gap
• What is your desired outcome for achieving your score?

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3?Discovering Purpose

A. PASSION: First consider experiences that have embraced your passions and best-self contributions:

• What do I care about?
• What do I believe in?
• Looking back on past experiences across your life, what as lit me up and energized me?
• What am I good at and what best-self characteristics does this encourage me to exhibit?
• What do I really enjoy and what is it about it that brings me joy?

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Boil it down to a couple of short phrases: At my best I am (1 - 2 character / action words) and I uniquely do this by (1 - 2 descriptive words). That’s the first half of your purpose statement.

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B. IMPACT: Second think forward to the impact you want to make in the world, on 3 dimensions:

• Me - How do you want to feel having supported your own wellbeing and having made a material impact on others?
• We - For those you surround yourself with the most, what growth have they experienced as a result of having known you?
• World - What would the ripple effect look like? What about other things you want to be involved with that reach beyond your we? What does impact look like there?

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Keep these as your direction, if you like- your North Star, as these represent where you’re trying to get to in terms of the meaningful difference you want to make in the world. Then, consider for your ‘we’ statement,?what does this growth enable these people to go on and do/achieve/experience? Boil this down to a few words and this is the second half of your purpose statement. It often helps to have a coach or another person work through this with you, to get you to something that feels great – “yep, that’s me to a tee”!

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4. Game Planning:

OK, so you have a good idea of your purpose. That is a significant statement. But that’s all it is, until you do something with it. So, the next two steps are to create and then implement a plan to guide the intentionality of your time and energy short-term and longer term, so that you can bring your purpose to life.

Consider:

• What are 3 life ambitions 3 years out, representative of the whole you?
• What are the primary commitments you need to make THIS YEAR, to make a dent in these ambitions?
• What are the actions you need to take now (and in the next 100 days) to advance, make progress and celebrate some quick wins? Note, for every new action (i.e ‘do this’ or ‘do more of this’, ideally you’d want to include a ‘dump’ or ‘delegate’ so you’re repurposing time, rather than just adding more to your plate!

The plan sets your intentions for the APPLICATION of the sources of your Purpose (PASSION + IMPACT) that enable you to transition from success to significance, and to live your purpose.

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5. Acting & Embedding:

Looking at your commitments and actions, consider first -

• Who do you want to share your purpose and game plan with?
• What elements might resonate with which people?
• As an extension to this, who might you want on your support team, who can help you advance or amplify certain areas of your plan?
• What may be some obstacles you would experience?
• How can you mitigate these, and who can support you and hold you accountable to where you want to be?
• Finally, consider each day, how you can align your energy to contribute in the most effective way, going forward to your ambitions and impact?

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Consider, what generates excitement and enthusiasm for you. How do you like to get things done (not just what are you doing). Each day, intentionally align your energy towards more of these things, look for them. You may need to coordinate this with your team / manager / assistant, as often the magic here is in what you do less (dump and delegate- and doing that the right way), in order to free up time for doing more optimal contributions.

I have now made a career with PurposeFused in guiding leaders and teams through this process. PurposeFused is the vehicle through which I live my purpose professionally, applying my passions and talents by using purpose to unlock people's potential by vitalizing their wellbeing & leadership, to optimize their performance, relationships and impact. I love it and it has been transformational for hundreds of people, to date....many, many more to come!

If you'd consider working with us and would like to learn more about the various individual and team programs we offer, visit https://www.purposefused.com/ or simply email me for more information: [email protected].