CEL-E-BRATE GOOD TIMES, C'mon!

Think about the best party you have ever been to! Bachelorette/Bachelor parties! Weddings! Milestone anniversaries! Birthday parties! Graduation parties! New Year’s Eve parties! Retirement Parties! I bet there are very, very few people who haven’t been to some amazing party that they deem, “This was the best night ever”!!! What do the majority of parties have in common?!? They are usually symbolic of an end or a new beginning. And they help close (or open) the chapter! And they are f-in’ F-U-N, FUN!

(Cue dance track of your choice)

After Jan 21, 2020, my tears were gone. It’s like they dried up on my drive home never to return again (except for one moment many, many months later). It didn’t mean I was no longer sad. But I felt like I had some control over myself again. I took my vacation days and got 3 massages in 5 days, got that mouthguard I mentioned, went for lunch with a friend I had put off for a while, walked my kids to school (who knew there was sunshine in January!), slept. Sleep was important because I had just gone through 7 months of positive and negative stress. Four months of “We need to put on an amazing employee conference and do all the other things that are asked of us in our regular jobs", followed by 3 months of negative stress, processing the organizational change and its effects on my friends and myself.

What I also did was send out my departure announcement, filled with an accurate yet general thank you: “Thank you! It is not the assets, plunger lift systems, compressor buildings, office locations, flights, long drives, or the occasional boat tour that I will remember, it is the people that took the time to teach me, learn from me, collaborate with me to solution (some of) Husky’s problems, socialize with me, support me and feel support from me; those are the memories I will cherish and hold with me for a lifetime.”

If you don’t know me, and if you haven’t guessed, I’m a fairly social being. And my teenie, tiny baby career years, when I was an Internship student, taught me the old school tradition of having a buy-out when leaving a company, no matter the circumstance. And I couldn’t just leave without hugging each and every one of my work friends. I just couldn’t. So I invited over 100 people to my “retirement” party. And WOW, did we have a great time! Well at least I did ??

What I didn’t know at the time, was how important of a moment that “retirement" party would be for me. Not only did it provide a happy memory marking the end of a personal era, but it also fueled me for weeks, if not months. My "bucket" went from almost bone dry to overflowing. And all I had expected was to treat my people to a drink, some pizza, and a Debbie hug to let them know how much I would miss them. 

What the heck does she mean by "bucket"?

In 2015-ish, the Manager of Diversity and Inclusion (ZH) loaned me the book “How FULL is your bucket?” by Tom Rath and Don Cliffton. I loved it. (So much that I didn’t return it until the days leading up to my departure…..oops!) The message was so obvious, it's like I could have learned it in kindergarten - which I probably did! If you haven’t heard of it or the concept essentially the message is “Each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it's empty, we feel awful. Each of us also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people's buckets -- by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions -- we also fill our own bucket. A full bucket gives us a positive outlook and renewed energy. Every drop in that bucket makes us stronger and more optimistic.” (Gallup, 2004) 

To me, this description can also be summarized and called: fuel for resilience. 

So how do we make sure we are full and ready to be resilient? Fill your own bucket; fill someone else’s bucket, which will fill your bucket too. 

In tactical terms:

1.     Take 10 deep breaths and make sure you are in a positive headspace. Take pen to paper and write down 2-5 accomplishments in the past 1, 2, 5, 10 years are super proud of times you ROCKED IT; a time you were soaring. Don’t let the improvement cycle creep in. Honor the successes as they were!

2.     Look into the accomplishments and see the people that were aiding your victories. You likely didn’t go at it alone. Reach out to these people. Give them specific examples about how important they were to your successes, your direction, or your life in general. Usually, the feeling is mutual. I’m not saying making the call, sending that text, or tagging the person on LinkedIn is easy, it will feel awkward, but it is worth it! You will both feel amazing. I promise.

3.     Start your meetings this Monday by acknowledging a person or two about an impact, big or small, that they have had on you. These moments will always be more important than reviewing accruals, and for many of you, you need these words this week more than the company needs the accruals to be accurate. And don't forget to turn on your camera!

4.     In normal times I’d say, book a party (and invite me!). Whatever party looks like to you. In COVID times, improvise. Be creative. Mark this moment somehow.

5. And a bit off-topic to celebrating, but very important for being resilient. Sleep. Get good sleep. Your brain needs it.

I cannot stress how important it is to make sure you celebrate. You had some seriously amazing accomplishments; you were probably happy doing what you were doing for quite a while; you probably bonded with some incredible people. Why would you let your potential departure steal that from you? Define the moment for yourself; don’t let it define you.

Lastly, in the friendliest way, I challenge you all to fill the comments with a tag or two (or three or ten) of people who had a moment with you that has changed the course of your life or has made an everlasting impact. And while I love the thought and hope that you might tag me, the overwhelming comments from the last post and the steady stream of thank you texts I received today have been more than enough to refresh my bucket. Please, select someone that needs their bucket replenished. They probably have no clue on the impact they have had on your life, and it will be an ultra-special moment!

I will have many people to tag. And so will you.