Cedric and Lindsay: Love in Action

Cedric and Lindsay: Love in Action is one?of a series of interviews by Bursting Through Founder Steve Petersen exploring topics important to Allies and the Queer Community. It was first published in the Q1 2023 relationship issue of Bursting Through Connections digital magazine. It is rerunning here because because powerful stories of love like theirs is what we can all use right now.

While exploring stories for Bursting Through Connections relationship issue, Connections Editor, Steve Petersen connected with Cedric and Lindsay, a gay interracial couple, with the intention of telling a marriage equality story. ?

YOU SHOULD KNOW

Cedric and Lindsay met on Love@AOL by Match.Com while living 300 miles apart, separated by the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Cedric’s profile received 300 hits in the first days after posting. He explained, "The majority of the messages were the nastiest, most vile racist and sexual comments I have ever encountered. I started to think online dating was not for me but I read on and I saw a message from Lindsay that said:

"I’m here in Bridgeport, CA. I just took a walk around my neighborhood with the dogs and we saw a beaver by?the river that runs through our neighborhood. I also just saw an eagle flying overhead.?Why don’t you come see my neck of the woods?"

Cedric made the first move by using his resources to find Lindsay’s work phone number and call him.? They both recall that first phone conversation as brief, that Lindsay was really busy and also a bit nervous, which Cedric found cute. Toward the end of the phone call, Cedric asked Lindsay to send a picture of himself.? When the photo arrived, it was Lindsay on a snowmobile with full gear; it did not show his face.?

Cedric said, "That kind of defeated the purpose but I already knew I had to meet this wonderful man."

IN PERSON MEETING

Cedric and Lindsay entered into a long distance phone relationship and tried several times to meet before finally making it happen. The day they met Lindsay was driving through Cedric’s town on the way home from his mother’s funeral. ?

Lindsay said, "I was really looking forward to meeting Cedric for many reasons and one was I really needed a change from all the grief I was experiencing. We set up a time for me to stop and see him at work as I drove through."

Cedric offered his perspective, “ I knew his mom had passed away and I knew he was going to stop and see me at Staples where I worked. During my shift,? I had to go to the warehouse to complete an assignment. I? was there working and something made me suddenly stop.

I knew it was Lindsay’s energy I was feeling despite not having met or seen him yet. I went to the bay doors of the warehouse and I saw this man coming down the aisle. I just knew it was him. Suddenly he turned around and walked out of the store and I thought so much for my intuition."

Cedric learned later that Lindsay had walked out because of some cold feet. He decided to spend some time with his dogs that were in his truck and collect himself before going back into the store to try again.?

Lindsay went back into the store and they did meet.? Cedric said, "I remember thinking how nice is this? I loved that he made the drive. I love that I had felt his energy before I saw him. I loved meeting a wonderful man."

THE RELATIONSHIP GROWING AND BEING SMART

Cedric and Lindsay’s long distance relationship created a strong foundation and they decided to begin a life together in the same city. The merging of their physical spaces also meant the merging of their values, their pasts and their families. They began creating the life, love, home and experience that they would choose together.

Cedric and Lindsay built a relationship based in love, strengthened with consistent, honest communication and grounded with the legal protection that is so important to LGBTQIA+ couples. At that time, neither domestic partnerships nor gay marriage were legal, but they had the knowledge to be legally smart about their relationship and the know how to do so.? They used that knowledge and know-how to create a legally binding relationship document that was similar to what would become domestic partnership agreements.?

The knowledge came from experience. Cedric had lived in Palm Springs when he was younger and knew gay couples with significant differences in income levels and age.These partners had a fully integrated life but had nothing binding them together legally.

When one of them passed away, his birth family would come in and take every asset including the house and the cars leaving the living partner with nothing. This could occur because the gay couple had no legal arrangement. Cedric and Lindsay were not going to let that happen to them.

Taking the needed legal actions to protect their relationship strengthened their bond and allowed their birth families to understand their commitment to one another. They were creating a world that reflected who they are and what they saw in each other. Together they have an amazing way of radiating love and transforming the people and world around them. It began to surface in so many beautiful ways despite being a gay, bi-racial couple.?

HOW THEIR LOVE CHANGED THOSE AROUND THEM

The world did not magically stop being prejudiced or homophobic because Cedric and Lindsay got together but somehow their love had transformed each other and the world around them to the point where it was manageable. Cedric and Lindsay’s relationship had created a great balance between two people that is rarely achieved.?

Lindsay is a very open-hearted, kind and innocent person who truly does not see color or a world that is unpleasant. Cedric is a kind, beautiful and spiritual soul with wisdom and depth rarely seen. He is also a gay man of color who is more aware and in tune to the prejudice and homophobia in the world. ?

They shared many beautiful stories about how their relationship has made life better. One is when Lindsay took Cedric home to meet his very conservative father in suburban white Glendale, CA.? Cedric recalled that first meeting,

"His father was expecting him to bring home a female, blond haired, blue-eyed bombshell and I stepped into the house. That must have freaked his father out. After introductions and a little time had passed, Lindsay had to leave the house to run an errand. His father immediately said ,’I’ll go with you.’ They were going to leave me in their house by myself and I didn’t like that idea.

I said to his father, ‘Can you and I hold a conversation and let Lindsay go on?’? I watched his hesitation. He did not want to be in that house alone with me but he relented and decided to stay with me while Lindsay left the house.?

While Lindsay was gone, his dad and I had a conversation that still makes me emotional today.?

His dad said, "I’m so sorry I am this way but please understand it is not because you are black.” Then he stopped before continuing with, “Actually it is because you are black but I am trying to make some changes.”

There was something about him being forthright and vulnerable that softened my heart and brought me to tears. I was literally crying. He said, “I know by your emotions that I am hurting you. This is who I am but I am trying to do better and I do not want to hurt you.”

For him to tell me about something going on inside of him and that he was trying to find acceptance was so important. Lindsay’s dad and I went on to have a relationship that went beyond hello to nice brief conversations. After a while, he even let us sleep in the same bedroom at his house.

Family reconciliation and acceptance were not limited to Lindsay’s father. The active love of Cedric and Lindsay’s relationship brought Cedric and his parents together after a 10 year estrangement. Cedric recalled,

“I had taken 10 years to step away from my entire family.? After Lindsay and I met, my religious and spiritual side kicked in and I realized I missed my family.? I recalled a Bible passage that kept playing in my head that drove me to get in contact with my parents—

Honour thy father and thy mother:?that thy days may be long upon the?land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

I was working one day and I got a call from my Father.? He was responding to a message I had recently left for him.? I picked up the phone and he said Cedric and I said Dad, how are you and my dad started crying and that is all I could hear.

Just hearing each other's voices was enough and I knew it was time to heal.? 10 years is a long time.? I had changed, he had changed. I remember saying to him, ‘Dad I need to come home but I have someone with me and it’s not a female’ and my dad said,’That's ok, I have understood some things while you were gone.’”

Lindsay and I? visited my dad and I went back to the home I was brought up in to see my mom.? She was ill at the time and I did not realize how ill she was.? I got to spend 9 more months with my mother before she passed away.?

Lindsay coming into my life had given me my parents back.?

These two stories exemplify their transformative love, and these are not isolated incidents. Cedric and Lindsay also recently went on a cruise with family and friends that was full of love, joy and the deepening of once fractured relationships.? Additionally, Cedric’s dad lived with them for the last 15 years of his life and when he passed away, Cedric had no regrets about that relationship.

WHAT THEIR LOVE CAN TEACH US

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Cedric and Lindsay are certainly not the first couple to be in love, communicate well or understand the importance of legally protecting a spouse, so what is their magic formula and how?do we all get it? ?

Magical things can’t always be explained and captured. However, Cedric and Lindsay personify love in action. They left us with these wisdoms.

• They are both open minded and have been exposed to and surround themselves with diversity.
• According to Lindsay, he is the calm one. Cedric agreed.
• According to Cedric, he is activist enough for them both. Lindsay agreed.
• Every Sunday at 5:00 PM the TV goes off, the phones go off, the laptops get put away and they talk. They put everything on the table and they talk about it.? When they are done talking, they take what they learned and put it into action.?
• Their relationship grew from love, has strengthened with communication and has solid legal protection. They make sure to take care of each other and not let the outside world take away what they built.
• They share that love openly, honestly and without exception.

Cedric and Lindsay’s relationship is an example of love being the beginning of something beautiful. The deeper example is that love in action, constant action, is how love can inform and transform the world around us. ?

Thank you Cedric and Lindsay for sharing your story, your relationship and your love with us.? We are all better from taking the journey with you through your powerful story.

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