Caution: Tongue Ahead

“A wound from a tongue is worst than a wound from a sword, for the latter affects only the body, the former affects the spirit” - Pythagoras

There was once an old man that had a habit of spreading rumors about his neighbor being a thief. This was of course not true. As a result, the neighbor was arrested on suspicion and released days later. After being released, he sued the old man for wrongly accusing him.

In the court, the old man told the judge blankly, “they were just my comments and they did not harm anyone”

Now the judge was a wise man and he asks the old man to do something, before the sentence was passed. “Please wrote all the things you have said about your neighbor on a piece of paper. Cut it up into little pieces, and drive on the road in the city and throw them out of your car window. Then come tomorrow to hear your sentence”.

The next day the old man did as asked and showed up at court. The judge told the old man, “Before receiving the sentence, I want you to go out and gather all the pieces of paper you threw out of your car window yesterday”.

The old man was annoyed at this request and angrily shouted, “I cannot do that!. The wind spread them around everywhere. How do you expect me to find them”?

The judge replied, “Now you see what you did. The same way, simple words and comments can spread and destroy a person’s reputation so badly, that he may not be able to ever fix it. If you cannot speak well of a person, do not speak anything at all. Gossip is worse than thieves are, because they steal a person’s dignity, honor and credibility, which are impossible to restore. So remember this for life. When your feet slips you can recover your balance but when your tongue slips, you can never recover your words!”

The old man feeling deeply ashamed and learnt a lesson for life. He apologized to his neighbor and was forgiven and not given any sentence. 

The all important ‘Tongue Print’

Words said or unsaid, have a powerful impact on us. 

To me, words are not just mere letters. They are the medium to make our mark in this world. Think about this. Everyone of us has something unique known as the “tongue print”. Just like there are unique fingerprints for every single of the 7.5 Billion of us in the world, the tongue also has a distinct imprint. Meaning that every one of us has our own distinct print in our lifetime that is defined only by us alone. Nobody has the same imprint. 

To me, this represents something greater. A reflection of us per se. A special power that has no limits. This means one thing. Our words once leave our mouth, take a power of their own and can leave a trail behind, whether disastrous or blessed. And all we can do is watch the drama as it unfolds, with no control over it. 

This is a strange phenomenon. We have only some control as long as our mouths remain shut. However, the minute our words leave our tongue, they take a life of their own.

Power packed 26 letters

Think about it. Words alone can create happiness in the darkest of times; Bring smiles where there are tears; Sprinkle hope to the hopeless; Strengthen faith in times of uncertainty. 

Yet, words have a profound dark side. Words can break unsuspecting hearts and create barriers where once stood loyalty and love; Bring down stalwart empires and bring out the worst in others. Words fire up prejudices and bring bitterness with no mercy. They have the ability to hurt, torment and destroy lives. This trail of pain can last years or go down generations, in its severest form. All because of some letters that we could not hold back. 

It is said that we speak an average of 16,000 words a day. Then why is it that we do not pay heed to this gift and make it a living curse for the ones around us? We probably do so because we do not understand its far-reaching effects. But why do words matter so much? I think because they are not words alone. They are opinions, statements, judgments, harsh decisions, arrogant remarks, and the list is endless. These value strata cloak our words and give these mere letters power to hurt, agonize, torment, heal, love and forgive.

Matter from people that Don’t Matter

It is said, that the ones we love get the license to hurt us whether knowingly or unknowingly. The ones who matter to us, can move us and affect us deeply and that is a given.

But do we stop and think about those who are not even related don't really mean anything to us, and yet they feel they have a right to judge us. They make opinions without knowing any background and slander us with their supposed truth based on lies. These words hurt more than they should. Baseless claims, rude remarks and demeaning opinions that wreak havoc within us. These judgments, strangely take on an insidious role that can go hammering down our unsuspecting hearts and smash it into millions of fragments in seconds. We are left behind, picking up the shattered pieces and cradling our bleeding hearts. And they, just walk on undisturbed by the destruction they have caused. In my reasoning, these words hurt much more. 

Perfect strangers who think they know you and can make assumptions about your character. How dare they. What gives them the right to judge without knowledge? What gives them the higher authority? Yet they are everywhere. And they keep doing what they do best. Leaving behind a trail of desolate inner destruction and broken hearts. All by people who don't mean anything to us. They blink and break lives.

Immortal impact

When words affect us so deeply, they can change us for life. We are like the living dead, walking with these scars and bruises that have torn our very souls. We might try to forgive or forget, but it is difficult. The memories of the words keep haunting us, until there is nothing left within to deal with it. We are weakened by them and lose the strength to keep fighting. We get numb from feeling their pain, and like lifeless beings, move on with life. Until all that is left, is but a shred of who we once were. We become the mold that the words wanted us to fit in. We change for life. Never to be the same again. 

Mere words cause us such turmoil. Mere letters of the alphabet. A single sentence can change the course of someone’s life. Sometimes we may be meaning well, but those very words may charter a different path for the person. Then of course, words spread lies and deceit and cover up the flaws that we do not want to face. The broken promises, the unreal hope, and the false truth. And then there are words that are never spoken. Just when at moments when things need to be said, and we instead shy away, are ignorant or too fearful to speak up. Unsaid or said, words are a force that once spoken, create their own paths. 

Profound loss

I think life is strange. We speak words that we do not mean. We mean to say things but do not have the words to say it. We speak for the sake of speaking and we stay silent when we need to speak up. We try to prove points and judge others, but do not shed light on what if we were the ones being judged. We are quick to blame but not as quick to forgive. We think we are the ones that are being wronged but pay less attention to the ones we wrong. This to me is a profound loss. 

Makes me think of my mother’s pearls of wisdom. She is not a woman of many words but somehow seems to know just what to say to make me feel better. “Son, you can stop the hand that is raised to physically harm you, but you cannot stop a tongue from slandering you”. Sometimes accepting reality is easier than trying to change it. 

The words you speak and the words you do not speak have long-lasting implications on others. Choose them wisely. The clock is ticking and today is all you have to make amends or start walking down a different path. 

·       It is not what you say. It is what you don't say

Khalil Gibran once said “between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” I could not agree more. Often we are scared and afraid to say things or too caught up in our busy lives to notice how someone’s life would be changed with a few kind words. Careless words at the wrong moment or silence when words need to be said can have far-reaching effects. Start to listen more, and speak when needed. Place yourself in the other’s shoes and maybe you will not feel that intimidated to speak. Everyone is human and is run by emotions. Be cognizant of that. Do not hold back. You may never get this moment again.

·       The words matter. Not your Voice

Have you seen how quickly we raise our voice when we want to prove a point? It is the wise who have control over their tongue, which means that they control their minds and not the other way round. Words are like gems coming out of your mouth. Treat them with respect. Lower tone of voice, well-chosen words and pauses are all time proven methods to convince others. Like Rumi said, “Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, and not the thunder”. 

·       Check your opinions at the door

Ever thought why you would say bitter words to another person? It is usually because you are harboring ill feelings against them. When you feel negatively for another person, how can you have sweet words to say? It is only when underlying opinions are washed away that you can use less hurtful dialogue with others. The best would be to work out an amicable solution with the other, but if not possible, just try with an inner intention of not wanting to hurt anyone with what you say. Speak like you would like to be spoken to, yourself. No one puts themselves out there to be hurled painful remarks at. You too could be on the other side of the spectrum. Remember that. 

·       Power your Intentions. Your tongue will follow

How you want to use the power of ripples is in your hands. Maybe you should take another step back and see your true intentions. Your words can heal relationships and they can severe blood ties. Try to use your tongue so that it spreads kindness and peace, and does not create resentment, conflict and hurt in others. You have a power but that same power is in the ones you interact with as well. Use it wisely and to your advantage. If the other is not, surely you can as you can see the ripple effect of words. 

Remember that old proverb, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. I feel the exact opposite. Words hurt. Words cause pain. Words make us feel very small. Words can hurt worse than mere sticks and stones. Why? Because the physical pain of stones may recede in a while, but the pain of unthoughtful words and phrases stay with you for a lifetime. They are the sole reason some change forever. Going back to the innocent times of who they were will now never be an option. All because of mere words. 

Our tongues can cause more damage than we can perceive. We have control over this, but as long as we choose our words selectively. But once they leave our mouths, the words control us as well as the ones they were said to. 

Reminds me of a poem penned by Brendan Byrne in Sticks and Stones, who talks about the severity of words in the same context.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

But words can also hurt me.

Sticks and stones break only skin,

While words are ghosts that haunt me.

Slant and curved the words-swords fall

To pierce and stick inside me,

Bats and bricks may ache through bones,

But words can mortify me.

Pain from words has left its scar

On mind and heart that’s tender.

Cuts and bruises now have healed,

It’s words that I remember

Our tongues are our greatest blessing and the greatest curse. It can be the reason we bring meaning to our life and the reason others may lose theirs. Time passes by and we will move on from this life, but what we really leave behind, are the people and the words we left them with. 

Reset. Restart your life now. You cannot let these words bring you down. You cannot get into its deceitful hold. Break yourself free from the shackles of mere letters. Delete these people who hold no meaning in your life. Heal your wounds and get back on the course of being who you are meant to be. 

Let your words bring light to the hopeless. Let your words heal others who have been wounded like you. Let your words be the balm that heals their scars and bruises. Spread your distinct mark in this world and when you move on from here, let the ones you have touched be your voice that keep spreading the same message you once did. 

Make them understand that they will find people whose ultimate goal in life is to bring them down. Who will not think for a second to tarnish your image and assassinate your character, because it does not cost them anything, just a little oxygen and a handful of alphabets they learnt in primary now coined together as words and phrases.

So help and educate these victims who probably are going through what you have been through. And for some reason if they do not understand or do not want to listen, warn them and shout out loud - Caution: Tongue Ahead.