Caution Contents Are Hot: Handling DEI Conversations with Care

Have you ever received a coffee from a coffee shop with the sleeve on the cup that read: “Caution contents are hot” or “Handle with care”? These warnings are there to make sure you are aware of the risk. If mishandled, you can be burned. You then take specific steps to ensure you can enjoy your beverage without causing any pain or discomfort. I learned that all diversity, equity and inclusion discussions should be treated like they have a warning label. “Caution: Conversation may cause division, trigger past trauma, cause shame or guilt and end in disagreement.” Have you experienced any of those descriptors during a DEI discussion? The answer is most likely “yes.” I can offer some guiding principles to help reduce these issues. But first, I have to state this disclaimer:

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Caution!!!! The content below may cause moments of deep reflection, discomfort and growth.?

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Are you still reading? Great! The caution message was to prepare you for the internal work ahead. To see success, you must be willing to reflect on the one thing in this world you can control: your actions. Let’s think about the hot coffee example again; most people would not put it down and wait until it is completely cooled just because of the warning label. We blow the contents to cool the temperature enough to consume the drink.

I suggest doing the same for DEI topics. We do not need to avoid the issues until they are no longer relevant; instead, let’s have discussions in a way people can consume the message. Some people use DEI topics to “burn, hurt and divide” people. Today, I will provide you with a couple of tips to “cool down” the DEI topic just enough to keep everyone in dialogue but keep the importance of the message.

I have found success using a specific set of guiding principles while holding sensitive or potentially triggering “Caution: Contents are hot” conversations with people from many different walks of life. I evaluate my communication and ensure my words and?actions?are?courageous, respectful?and?unifying. I allow silence and active listening to ensure that two-way communication is occurring. Using these guiding principles will ensure you are heeding the warning label for DEI conversations.??

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Let’s take a deeper look at the principles.

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1. Be Courageous:?This is the first step because addressing diversity, equity and inclusion-related issues is very uncomfortable. This is where you must have the courage to speak up for people who cannot speak up for themselves. When you witness someone allowing their bias or stereotypes to lead their behavior, you must find a way to address the issue. Your silence can appear as agreement. Silence can cause more damage than speaking up. Like all things, addressing issues has a time and place, so use judgment. The key is to take respectful action. You also want to address the problem using facts. Facts are the exact actions or words used that caused the issue. Do not use your feelings or vague descriptors to describe the bias or stereotype-led behavior.
2. Be Respectful: While being courageous, you want to be respectful of the person you are addressing. This is very hard because it is usually during a time of disagreement. You must keep your eye on the goal of keeping the person you are talking to from becoming defensive and shutting down. You will never see the change you need to see if the person you speak with is upset or defensive. While expressing your viewpoint, make sure to convey a positive, respectful intent. Sometimes, you will have to stay respectful even when the person you are speaking to isn’t.
3. Be Unifying: Throughout your dialogue, do your best not to villainize or shame any group of people for their role within the issue. The point is not to cast blame or point fingers. The goal is to have a change occur in the future and prevent repetition of past failures. I like to call this skill?compassionate accountability.?This is where you can acknowledge someone’s mistake by addressing the issue (no sugarcoating). At the same time, your tone, attitude and words should portray that you do not see the person as bad, just the behavior or action. If you notice the person shutting down or becoming shamed or guilt-ridden, reassure them that that is not your intent. The intent is to bring awareness to an issue and facilitate action of change. Do not allow your reassurance to take away from the severity of the problem.

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Now, you have a little insight into how I keep people in dialogue while holding sensitive or potentially triggering “Caution: Contents are hot” conversations. What is one small step you can commit to taking during your next DEI conversation? Let me know by leaving a comment and using the #DEIhandlewithcare