CATHOLICS DEMAND ‘UP FRONT’ BOOK DEAL AND NETFLIX SERIES FOR ‘TELL ALL’ CONFESSIONS.
In light of The Duke of Sussex’s new exposé and lucrative reveal on his troubled life as a royal family member, many furious church-going Irish Catholics are now demanding upfront payments before entering the confession box to offload their secretive and sinful past to the Catholic Church.
Maisy, 82, from Letterkenny, Donegal said…
?“Until now, its just been low-level sinning like... telling white lies or over-indulging a wee bit too much on the soda bread, but I’d be happy to confess to my part in that local bank job or the seedy crime of passion that everyone in the village seems to know a lot about, if the money was right!”
‘Dirty’ Bertie McAllister from Tandragee said…
”Father Lynch doesn’t know about my weekend penchant for S&M, but if he can guarantee me a bit of lolly and a good book deal, I’ll be happy to expose everything…so to speak!”
?Until the Harry interviews had aired, many Catholics had been giving away family secrets for free to the local clergy. All that has changed now, since folks have realised they can ‘monetise their mischief’
?Retired school teacher, Clodagh Bull from Kinsale said…
"My husband is a ‘walking country song! He used to confide in the parish priest weekly, before Netflix offered him a 4- part series called ‘Confessions of A Cork Cowboy’. He doesn’t bother with the whole ‘reconciliation and absolution thing now. His fondness for the boozing and the philandering has just paid for my new patio!”.
?The Catholic Church’s media team are said to be furious and considering doing away with real-time mass and replacing it with an online ‘subscription service’ instead.