Catharsis in unconnected connection?

I’m not very happy. Is it OK here just to say you’re not very happy? Is just saying you’re not at all in a good place, an acceptable thing? I’m “safe” to use a psychological term.

I’m not very happy for reasons I’m not going to go into, but I think I’ll be OK. You know when it makes sense that you will be OK sometime soonish, but you’re kind of a bit knocked about and still feeling the physical as well as mental aspects of not happy, and you can’t quite remember what it’s like not to feel like that. Well, that. I will have felt it before, I have had worse that’s for sure. However, right now, I’m kinda talking to my keyboard and wondering if I will actually post this. Whether it’s useful in some way. I’m wondering if this will help me, be something I cringe at later if it does survive, or perhaps it might be a helpful thing in and of itself?

Anyway, so I picked up my phone for some distraction and my thumb did its usual automatic twitch to a few bits of the screen and this platform came up in its turn. Usually, it’s here first, then check a few others and then back here. As it was this time. There are things it seems that are extremely important, according to the great minds of this platform. no particular order:

·????????I have an expert opinion on something that’s getting a load of clicks, so hire me

·????????Political truths about everything, from both sides of the binary system from which we are forced to choose

·????????How ecstatic someone is about something ordinary

·????????Lots of people either metaphorically clapping like sea lions, or throwing rotten tomatoes at each other

Among all this, but actually mainly attributable to the first bullet point above, is our impending doom as a species from AI, and Chatthingy in particular. I find myself, in my current state of Marvinness, with associated middle-aged somatic symptoms, thinking – big ‘kin deal!

I find I don't care about chatthingy and actually, chatthingy doesn’t care about it either. I asked it to write this piece and it came up with successive positive messages about how humanity should bandy together and rise up against the machines. Chatthingy IS a marketing message on this platform! I asked it to get negative about it, several times, and it couldn’t. It always wanted to put in a Hollywood ending!

I don’t care because I care deeply about people and people don’t care, so I’m wondering if I’m gaslighting myself.

People were turned into bits of machinery long ago. By bits of machinery, I don't mean cogs in some mean machine, being productive, making stuff. I mean they have been extracted from their connection to the earth and placed in concrete Faraday cages and are allowed to escape to look at the earth like they're going to the zoo. Consume, sleep, work; repeat. Oh, and procreate occasionally, so you’ll be blessed with more people. The next logical step is the ability to create, and think, is taken. Why not, who needs it?

People are removed from being able to form connections which don’t make them tokens to consume things. There are way too many of us, and growing, because according to religious imperatives, it’s a great blessing to add to the problem of overpopulation (globally, not locally). It isn’t amazing to make more people, it’s just biology – earwigs can make more earwigs. People don’t care about anything much beyond robotic predictable lives, and that includes their inability to cognate that their relaxation and creativity has been hijacked by consumption – so why should we be so concerned about chatthingy?

I don’t mean “people” as in “everyone”, I mean “people”… but anyway, like I said, I’m not very happy, so I’m supposed to be a bit snarky and grumpy. You don’t have to read this. I don’t have to write it. It is helping me though I think – how are you getting on?

OK, I’ll let you in a bit since you got this far. Thank you by the way, it’s been good to talk.

I care to a ridiculous degree about not being thought of as party to something I don’t agree with. I care deeply, really deeply, about contributing to things honestly, and as best I can. I HATE it, and it upsets me, emotionally, mentally, and physically, if anyone requires me to misrepresent myself, or insists that I deliver the impossible, and then makes me feel like it’s my inadequacy which is the reason it can’t be done (did I mention gaslighting? I did! ‘Not quite right, but close enough…)

That’s probably a big part of why I’m not employed. As far as I can tell, these things are basic requirements…

I really care, it is vital to me in fact, about the integrity of who I am and what I do. I don’t care about money for money’s sake. If I’m applying myself to something that I’ve chosen to do, and it comes with some payment of some kind, that’s cool. If we can all agree that we’re getting good value out of something happening, great. Chasing money and fluffing up other people’s stock value to do it. No. Thinking I might have got myself in that kind of position brings me out in tachycardia and worryingly high blood pressure. I’m as happy painting something for someone I respect in exchange for a haircut (this is in fact, a fact), as I am being paid to do stuff. I like the doing good, not the winning or coming out on top, not the ‘getting a result’ and ‘laughing all the way to the bank’. I’m not interested in the newest piece of ostentatious consumption or ownership. Thinking I’m required to be otherwise or anyone thinking I may have pliable virtues, makes me to be very unhappy. Thus, I am not happy. I didn't give in btw...

I said I wasn’t going to talk about what has made me unhappy didn’t I. Fail. Hey-ho, no details so that’s OK isn’t it?

This is probably why I’m involved in the kind of coaching I am. I don’t want this to turn into a marketing message though, so I’ll leave that there.

Maybe if we could use this platform to communicate with each other as humans, without wanting to get anything from it? To get to know each other as people with a range of humanness, rather than constantly, relentlessly marketing, selling, virtue signalling, or having some political vendetta or other, it might be nice? I think, if we are going to get increasingly disconnected and isolated, and we are, then maybe this kind of communication, with nothing to buy, no side to take, might be a nice change?

Hey, it’s not like you have to sit in front of me and make the appropriate faces and noises…