CATASTROPHIC OPPORTUNITIES

No man is an island…but for the last week, my family certainly has been. But, I`m from Hawaii- I LIKE islands.

Really, I do understand people`s panic or trepidation about self-quarantine.   

It will disrupt their routines, their expectations and plans for the coming weeks and months- and possibly the year. To me, that is a sign of just how much we have programmed our lives to the point of being on auto-pilot. Especially, for those of us whom long ago reduced and/or ran out of options or alternatives, as compared to, say, a twenty-something, deciding among university, trade school, the military, the labor market or backpacking the globe.

For many, many of us, our day-to-day follows a procedure that is only altered for short, special interludes that we also tend to program, called vacations, or holidays. Five typical weekdays often go something like this:

coffee-commute-check social media/email/ *coffee refill*- work at job-lunch/bank/other-check social media/email/*coffee refill*-work at job-commute/shop/eat/drink- check social media/email/- form of passive  relaxation or active recreation- shower-sleep.

And the other two, “free-days” called days-off? Change-out the underlined text for one or more of the following options:

 relax/sleep-in/eat more/drink more/play more/socialize more/household chores.

Rinse, and repeat. It`s the comfort of the familiar; an established rhythm compartmentalized in modules that have a bit of interchangeability. It changes tempo and rhythm with seasons, and other predictable calendar events, but it`s what we know as “life.”

Now, suddenly, people see their houses as cages, their predictable rhythms changed to an arrythmia that could be possibly fatal; all of their plans and dreams, cancelled or postponed indefinitely. 

Our problem is that there`s nothing to fear, but fear, itself. Yeah, I know- FDR said it 90 years ago, and said it better- but it`s perfectly applicable to the now.

What are you afraid of? Change? Difference? The unpredictable and unknown? Adapting?

Of course, you are.

A year ago I suffered a fall from foot-level; enough to rupture three cervical discs and disrupt the nerve connections to my arms, hands and fingers. It happened at the beginning of a year that I had laid-out plans for, that I had hopes and objectives for. Instead, I found myself, unable to drive the commute to my job, unable to do the manly-tasks associated with husband/dad/fixer-of-things and lifter of heavy stuff. Being self-employed, my income dropped to near zero. I live in a country where health care is technically free. In reality, it`s rationed. It would take me until the end of the year to finally get a definitive diagnosis and treatment. And that was with the kind help of benefactors.

That left the 10 months in between, with no money, and none of the go-to options that had served me adequately in my life, previously.

I had spent two decades building-up a clientele and reputation as an independent translator and English language teacher to the professional elite in Brazil`s capital city of 2 and a half million. Face-to-face, personalized services; marketed by word-of-mouth recommendations among the right circles- including corporate directors, senior federal officials and politicians, foreign diplomats and leading scientific researchers.

Did I mention that a week after my injury, my phone was stolen, along with all my whatsapp contacts and the phone-chip I had since 2007?  

Into the desert, I metaphorically went, with my four minor children and their stay-at-home mom. Our desert, was actually our home in the very rural ex-burbs, about 25 miles outside of the capital, meaning nothing was convenient to our daily needs, as we had no money for gasoline or car maintenance.

Well, let`s cut to the chase, shall we?

Yes, I entered into depression and desperation, as our resources dwindled. Yes, it affected how I and the rest of our family behaved and interacted with each other. It also revealed deeper problems in our relationships, that I either had n`t seen, or ignored because I thought they were n`t serious.

I struggled with my self-esteem, and growing pessimism, knowing that our survival was at stake. I stopped shaving and my hygiene and appearance declined, in effect becoming a homeless person with his own house.

Inevitably, my stalwart wife of the previous challenges and struggles of nearly two decades, became increasingly distraught, ill-humored and bitter about the reversal of so many years of slow, but steady progress, as our children`s clothing and shoes deteriorated, our diet began to consist more frequently of only rice and beans, and her decisive husband who had provided for years, was looking more and more like a disheveled, disabled, has-been and liability.  Not a good team-building recipe.

I tried to migrate my business to online classes and translation; but was ill-prepared and unfamiliar with the terrain. This was n`t helped by the fact, like so many older people who came of age with first generation computers and software that still is in wide use, I had grown complacent in my comfortable niche and fell behind in technical trends and marketing techniques.  Loss of my contacts and having never felt the need to migrate to cloud-storage, meant I was starting from zero. I had Facebook and Linked In, but didn’t care about, or value them. I had them just because I did n`t want to be seen as a complete dinosaur. I knew about Twitter, Youtube, Instagram and thought, “that`s for kids.” Now, these were the only survival tools available to me.

All of this was particularly hard for someone like me, who had prided himself on being an intelligent, creative, resourceful, survivor; a pride that could verge upon arrogance in the right climate and conditions.

So, all of the above were not only grave problems; they were great opportunities, if only I could change my perception, and with that, change my attitude and approach.

First, and probably foremost, was the opportunity to learn humility, although it really is hard to change completely at the DNA level. However, it is possible to recondition your behavior. We would not have survived, if it was n`t for all of the material help we`d received, from neighbors, former co-workers, current and ex-students and clients, family (close and estranged), friends (close and until recently out-of-touch) and perfect strangers. We`re talking about going from embarrassed, to overjoyed to receive bread and baloney, used and new clothing, cash donations, car repairs and tires. At first you tell yourself, this is a temporary anomaly, when this is over, I will pay everyone back, in double: Then as the months pass, you begin to wonder if you are taking it for granted, and becoming dependent. Finally, you start to feel, true or not, the strain on all of your relationships, with your network of helpers, knowing that the well could run-dry at any moment. Saying thank you for the tenth time, begins to sound tinny and pro-forma. Asking is the harder part, especially from former peers or even subordinates, because you have no other option if you want to get to that one-time-only possibility of a MRI, or pay for internet and phone so you don`t lose your only lifeline to the outside world.

Relationships opportunities were very much a real offering. My wife and I very nearly destroyed our family and our collective and individual chances of survival. It was about how we communicated with, and saw each other, and our respective roles. The peak crisis came with two major, sobering moments: the realization that divorce would result in the sale of our only, hard-won asset: our tiny house and lot and in the current market, none of us would survive long, off the proceeds; and secondly, that outside kibitzing from my wife`s extended family was neither helpful, nor entirely sincere, but adding to our crumbling unity.

Divorce was deferred in deference to our survival, and ties between I and my wife`s entire family, after a widely, indisputable email  I circulated to each of them, outlining their debilitating contributions to the integrity of our family unit, put them outside the family perimeter. It seems to have worked.

Also, my wife and I had some very frank and meaningful discussions, the most intense of this nature in many years. We reaffirmed our commitment to our children and respect for each other`s rights and contributions. I also established a rigidly reinforced new regime of behavior among us; no more name-calling of any kind, no insults, even in jest. Each and every infraction instantly called-out, and a vocal-direct apology to be made. We were a team- and I was the captain, don`t mistake that. I also shaved, bathed and dressed as if for work, everyday…or almost.

And me and my business? No more excuses, no more lamenting- adapt or die. I took a Digital marketing course online; I edited and improved all of my existing marketing, scrapped a lots of stuff, and learned the intricacies of every new electronic platform, learned video techniques, and production values on-the-cheap, revised and improved 20 years of content, took a lot of hard criticism on the chin, from good friends showing tough-love;  and prepared myself for a roll-out of the new MY BUSINESS.

We`re still in survival mode, but we haven`t been in beans-and-rice mode for a few months. My online class agenda LOOKS pretty good, but 70% are clients who paid last year, and I am making-up their classes; still, I am getting new clients as we speak. We haven’t put the car up on blocks, and I`m not catching side-long, glances from my kids and wife, anymore; to the contrary, they are executing my directives as if they are obviously the best option, given by someone in authority.

In short, last year was a blessing from God, in preparing us for the present moment- which does n`t seem that hard at all. Carpe diem, people!