CAT OUT OF THE BAG SERIES #2 - What My Mum Did Not Tell Me About The Big Boys World

Adam and his dad were out driving. Adam was born with a prominent birthmark on his shoulder that shaped like a four-leaf clover. While driving, a huge tank lorry overtook his dad's vehicle and in that sudden swerve of movement, the back of the lorry swayed and hit their car. Their car was rammed against the sidewalk like a bad deli sandwich. They were stuck in the car and bleeding from all crevices of their bodies.

Soon they were rescued and were immediately sent to the hospital. Adam was found to have suffered cranial bleeding and the top neurosurgeon of the hospital was called in. The moment the neurosurgeon walked in and saw Adam on the surgical table, the neurosurgeon fell to the floor and was in shock. The nurse ran to the doctor and asked "What happened?" The doctor started weeping and said "My son, that is my son".

If your first thought was "WTF just happened? Did Adam's mum had an affair with this top surgeon? Was Adam adopted? Stop right there before you blow your patriarchal mind out.

The answer is: The Neurosurgeon is Adam's MUM.

When I first heard that riddle, I was 15yo and like most I did not think that was his mum. But it was a turning point of my life where I questioned the meaning of equality. Growing up lower middle class gave me very little exposure about equality and feminism. Those words were mumbled through the mouth of our Moral teachers not more than twice.

Fast forward 18 years, I struggled in my own way in advocating for feminism and equal rights, finding the voice within but I am still not safe from the patriarchal ideology. I do face some level of sexual discrimination at times.

Just recently, when I was conducting a training on Employment Act 1955 down south and as I approached the subtopic on women and employment; a middle-age male participant thought it was funny to say "Hey Rachel, if you apply to my Company, I definitely won't hire you one."

"Oh, why so?" I ask though not impressed.

"Cos you look pregnant! Hahaha!"

He laughed. Little did he know I just had my menses that very morning and the inside of my panties is looking like a crime scene. I was bloated, cramping my guts out and I was ready to throw a punch at that participant's face.

I kept my cool and replied him by telling him that he should not discriminate pregnant women or anyone who look like they are pregnant. He kept laughing because to him, that was hilarious.

Next, I move on to the subtopic where women under the Employment Act are not allowed to work underground. This participant immediately interjected by saying "Rachel if you work underground sure no issue. You are so big (size), you need the exercise anyway!"

Never have I ever been embarrassed by my plus size body till that moment. I don't know if it was hormonal but I was just an inch close to shoving my knuckles into his throat. Plus there were other female participants who were looking at me, and probably expecting me to say something.

Here I was, a big time advocate of equal rights, but sitting in front of me was a client and there are other clients who are observing my actions. I feel at that moment if I failed to say something, I would have disappoint all the ladies in the room and ultimately myself. But from a business perspective, what would I achieve if I have yelled or chided this client in public?

I was torn. I feel like I needed to be "objective" and "man-up" when faced with such conundrum. I was trying to be a "man" about it. That did not take me long to label myself a hypocrite. Yes, I felt like one (hypocrite) at that point. A real feminist would have kicked him out of the room OR make disturbing remarks enough to crush his fragile male ego. But I did not. I did exactly what a "reasonable man" would do. I did not dignify him with a reply and continue with my class.

The rest of the day training went about with no more issues regarding my body or any women related topic. However, I felt dejected at that point. Feeling like a part of me had failed my inner Goddess; like a priestess who had renegaded on her sacred vows. There I began questioning myself if I was truly an advocate of feminism, or had I abandoned the exponent role beneath the rush in making my career in a "man's world"?

Such incidents are not uncommon mind you. Many women, young or old, faced many level of discrimination even though some of it were made in jest. Honestly, a joke should be "Why did the chicken cross the street?" and not "How many female lawyer does it take to change the light bulb?"

Unlike some progressive countries, Malaysia does not have a wholesome sexual harassment or anti discrimination act but we have currently in part XVA of the Employment Act 1955 which deals with sexual harassment. The Human Resource Ministry of Malaysia further promote its influence to private sectors in using the Code of Practice on the Prevention and Eradication of Sexual Harassment in the Workplace (1999).

Malaysia further provide some protection under the criminal law under s.509 of the Penal Code where the law states "Whoever, intending to insult the modesty of any person, utters any word, makes any sound or gesture, or exhibits any object, intending that such word or sound shall be heard, or that such gesture or object shall be seen by such person, or intrudes upon the privacy of such person, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to five years or with fine or with both."

Recently, on 15 October 2019, the Malaysian Government introduced s.233(1)(b) of the Multimedia and Communication Act 1998 that penalises body shaming. Anyone guilty of body shaming or committing any action that offends the physical features of another person on any application service can be charged; and if found guilty, the offender can be fined no more than RM50,000 or imprisonment for no more than a year, or both.

This is a minor victory although it's not really on-point. Reason being this is merely addressing cyber bullying and not whole issue of the patriarchal system that we are living in. Still, baby steps right? We waited hundred of years, what is another 10 or 20 years?

At the end of the training the same participant came up to me and said, "Rachel, I am happy with your training today. You remind me of my daughter. She also look a lot like you." Alas, I guess that is a man trying to look for forgiveness or had been overly friendly because I resemble someone he is kindred with. I think it was wise not to flare up at that moment and let nature takes it course. However, I have to admit that I am not representing anyone in this case. My tolerance level should not be a benchmark of reasonableness and NO ONE should tolerate anything that disrespect their very being. If it attacks your self-worth, then speak up, or like me - you start re-examining your values.

In the end, I realised I did not fail me more than that participant who had failed his daughter. I was merely a reflection of what he saw in his daughter.I did not reply him but I remember muttering under my breath "I am glad I am not your daughter."

At this juncture, I will continue to do what I do until I make peace with the struggles I have, being true to myself and the world I live in, also to check-in with my tolerance level against condescending ingrate once awhile.