The case for overstepping

If you are here, chances are that you need to over-step more.

Imposter syndrome is statistically higher among women and BIPOC communities, which are the demographics most likely to engage with my content. And women and BIPOC communities are particularly susceptible to feeling like imposters.

I talk about over-reaching as an antidote to imposter syndrome often. Recently, it dawned on me that over-stepping has been crucial to my modus operandi.

I have consistently posited that imposter syndrome is an emotional regulation issue (and that time management, burnout, and fear of opinions are manifestations of the issue). So you can imagine how interested I was in the research that reinforced my hypothesis.

The Imposter Cycle describes the following cyclical sequence of events:

• Imposters are given an achievement-related task
• The task leads to anxiety, self-doubt, and worry
• Imposters either over-prepare or procrastinate
• The task finally gets done, and temporary relief sets in
• The relief discounts any positive reinforcement as a function of luck
• The relief dissipates
• The imposter feels like a fraud
• Self-doubt calcifies into performance anxiety or depression
• The cycle repeats

Individuals with the Impostor Phenomenon undermine their achievements and worry that they will be exposed as frauds.

The natural reaction to feeling unfit is to step down or feel unwelcome. And, frankly, biases among decision-makers may push you low on the list when it comes to workplace decisions—a phenomenon known as the similar-to-me effect, which, when unchecked, narrows career prospects for women.

Naturally, you have to over-step. You have to over-reach and over-step. You have to shut down the nagging thought that you are going too far by:

• Asking for calendar time
• Following up on the request
• Asking directly for things you think you won’t be chosen for
• Asking for feedback on how to improve.

Tactically:

• Over-reaching is applying for the promotion; over-stepping is getting time with the hiring manager to ask what your gaps might be and aligning on a plan to close them
• Over-reaching is deciding to write the book and studying success; over-stepping is emailing 100 agents, finding them all on LinkedIn or anywhere else, and shaking one loose for a deal
• Over-reaching is identifying as the power-woman; over-stepping is finding mentors and sliding into their inbox to ask for time

Over-reaching has had the most consequential impacts on my life. From applying to NASA (wasn’t qualified, literally—the internship was for students of a different major), to applying to MIT (didn’t have the GPA, came from state schools), to starting a tech company (first boss: me), over-reaching has been definitive in shaping my life.

What the last few lines fail to pay homage to are the million failed attempts: the TED residency and Forbes 30 Under 30 spots I lost by a hair way back when, the failed deals, and the two-dozen architecture firms I walked into with a portfolio from Dumbo to the Upper West Side, only to get turned away.

When bias works against you, you have to over-step.

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