A case for my Nigerian Bougieness

"You are so bougie!" This is a statement that I have heard so many times that I have stopped counting and honestly, I now tell people that I am indeed bougie. At first, I was slightly upset (okay maybe more than slightly) that my friends considered me so because, as I recently joked to a friend, I am a woman of the people. I don't see myself as pretentious or snobbish (I know several people begging to differ right now) If you are like Pre-USA-me and have no idea what bougie means, Dictionary.com defines it as "relating to or characteristic of a person who aspires to the upper-middle-class or a fancy lifestyle". So pretty much I am aspiring to things above me... And it's crazy because this all started when we were supposed to go camping as a class for a Recreation Management Class. Of course, I had read books about people going camping but I could not for the life of me fathom why someone would want to live all of their comforts and do that.

See I grew up in the ghetto of Lagos. I shared a single room with my parents and 3 sisters and sometimes visiting cousins and extended family. So that meant sleeping on the floor with nothing but a thin sheet protecting you from the scratchy carpets. (My friends back then were even jealous that we had carpets they only had cement floors or worn-out linoleum) There was barely any electricity so meals were cooked on a kerosene stove or coal pot, eating, cleaning, homework, and any late-night reading was done with lanterns, bush lamps, or candles (on the rare occasions we could afford them.) There was one toilet and 2 bathrooms shared with the 12 other families (50+ people) that lived in the compound. So, the use had to be timed just right. No, it wasn't a modern toilet it was exactly like doing it in the bushes only you could use water to push it down the pipes that constantly needed repairs. We didn't have running water, but we were blessed to have a temperamental well that gave water when it felt like.

This was my daily reality growing up and though it might sound dire, I was a happy child thank you very much. We had tales by moonlight, songs and dances and games and fights; the most epic battles you can think of. Sometimes the entire street came out to play if the adults were bored enough.

So you can see why even when I read foreign books that talked about camping, I never for the life of me imagined that camping was actually camping! I pictured nice rooms and all the modern facilities that I saw on TV (Yes we had TV's the electricity company worked sometimes). I never imagined that someone would want to leave their comfortable bed and shelter and choose to go into the woods for a night!

When I read the syllabus for the semester and saw the camping trip as part of it, I was excited because yay I was going to do something I had been reading about for so long... Then the professor started talking about all the equipment we would need and demonstrated how to set up a tent. Wait a minute! This has got to be wrong! My hands shot up to ask a question that in my head it was polite and well composed but I was told it sounded panic-stricken and rude haha.

Me: You mean you want me to give up my bed and all the comforts of my apartment and spend the night sleeping on the floor in the woods?"

Prof: Yes

Me: And we will drive for one part of the trip and walk 2 hours to get to the location we are to spend the night?

Prof: Yes

Me: Why?

Prof: Because it's not accessible by car

Me: That sounds like the beginning of a horror movie why are we going that far?

Prof: To get an authentic experience

Me: I'm sorry what? how is sleeping in the woods authentic? What will we eat?

Prof: Part of your grades will be judging how well you cook under open flames and no fast foods either

Me: What is this supposed to accomplish?

Prof: Ecotourism and connecting with nature

Me: I just came from Nigeria less than a month ago my existence till this moment has been with nature and you want me to reenact it?

Prof: (now exasperated) "Well you can excuse yourself from the trip and fail the class princess of Nigeria" (the nickname stuck)

And so I went on this trip and yes it wasn't all that bad building a fire (which I had to show some classmates how to do) and talking around the fire trading stories and jokes were fun, but I still didn't see why we couldn't do that in someone's living room ya know? Anyway, I survived the trip and you know your girl got an A on the project because heck I grew up building fires and learned how to cook on an open flame duh!

Over the years I have made statements about taking hotel rooms instead of someone's couch or going to a proper restaurant instead of fast food. And you know just being a general pain in the collective asses of all my friends and they all considered me bougie I came to accept the title without really knowing or understanding why they didn't understand that for me these were very important. In a way if I am being completely honest every time I made new friends, I would try so hard to hide my discomforts until I couldn't, then I would get the bougie tag. Many times, I tried to get them to tell me exactly how I was acting that way and they really couldn't pin-point it just that it was something about my demeanor and how I never wanted to do basic things like hiking, camping or all those communing with nature shit.

I never understood until I was faced with a similar situation again. This time a friend from my intern class at Vanguard wanted to have a weekend away in the desert and they were all excited but I said Nah I'm going to need a hotel and room service. The room service part was a joke... or maybe not. But the hotel definitely wasn't. It made me curious about why this kid who could obviously afford a hotel room wanted to sleep on the sand so I low-key interviewed him.

Two days later I was having a conversation with another friend on his weekend plans. He was planning a trip to San Diego and spending the weekend in a hostel with his friend who had done hostels in Europe and was gushing so much about how it pushed them out of their comfort zone and made the trip all the more invigorating and exciting and me I was there like huh? You are excited because you will be sharing a bunk bed and a bathroom with strangers? I couldn't understand why that would be exciting to anyone and he couldn't understand why I wasn't excited about exploring new experiences. So, I said I grew up in worse conditions than you just described and I am not going to pay any form of money to experience that. If I want a reminder of where I'm from I'll visit my old neighborhood. He said he'd have never experienced anything like that, that's why he wanted to.

Then it clicked! I never told my friends why I didn't like the things I didn't like. I never told them about my poor childhood so they assumed that I was being a snob for not wanting to give up my comforts. And I honestly don't know what has brought this sharing complex that I have but maybe if I had things would have been different. So there you have it! The next time you see someone like me acting "bougie" don't make assumptions about them. Sometimes they are just trying to not relieve their past.

Until next time!