A Case for Embracing Conflict

About twenty years ago I worked inside a large company within the Human Resources function. One weekend I was reading an industry magazine that had an article with an interesting approach to employee relations. I left the torn-out pages on the desk of my HR VP with a note that it might be something our company could consider. Later that day, my supervisor (the Training Manager) brought me my article back and asked, “What is this?” I told her it outlined an innovative approach and I wanted to share it as a suggestion. “She is a Vice President and you are only a Training Specialist. It is not your place to suggest something like that two levels up. The next time you have an idea, bring it to me then maybe I will take it to her.”

Message received: do not challenge management by breaking rank. Do you think I brought any more new ideas to my manager? Of course not, I had already offended her and the VP of HR with my brazenness. Better to play it safe and try and repair things by keeping quiet. 

More recently I heard the story of a CEO at a very large, global company who was in a meeting with his direct reports, all high-ranking executives themselves, plus the Chairman of the Board. The CEO was a forceful man who shared his opinions openly, always making his intentions very clear to those around him. One of his direct reports disagreed with an announced decision and vigorously challenged him about it in the meeting. The CEO sat and listened to his perspective but argued back and stayed firm on his position. The debate escalated to the point where the direct report shouted, “If you do this, you are an idiot!” The rest of the leaders looked at each other in silence and then looked to the CEO to see how he would respond. He calmly said, “I hear you.”

After the meeting, one of the attendees approached the CEO and asked him if he felt the direct report was being disrespectful by calling him an idiot, especially in front of the Chairman. He loudly said, “No! I did not feel disrespected. In my company I want people who feel strongly about their business and are comfortable to challenge me, even if that means they get angry at me in meetings.”

I have worked with CEOs for close to twenty years now and I do not know many who would welcome being called an idiot in front of their employees. Heck, my former management didn’t even want to hear an unsolicited idea from a magazine let alone encourage me to debate them on an issue. The day I heard that story, my respect for the CEO went up tenfold because it is only a small percentage of leaders can build a culture that encourages contention, the sharing of divergent opinions, and supports truly open communication.

There is a lot of talk these days about the importance of diversity and inclusion. At the same time, most organizations are also striving to create “safe spaces” (eliminating anything that makes employees feel uncomfortable) and are implementing policies that make saying or doing anything someone else deems offensive completely off-limits. In the CEO example, most other organizations would likely have instituted disciplinary action against the name caller. Managers are now fearful to give honest feedback in performance reviews, worried they will be accused of being insensitive, too harsh, or biased. This leaves us with a serious dilemma: how do we possibly achieve diversity and inclusion if we are discouraged from having any type of deep conversation that contains differing opinions or ideas?  

Organizations are spending time and money on things like unconscious bias training, putting a focus on promoting underrepresented groups, and creating safe ways to file a grievance or complaint. Although these are important activities, many miss the mark on the end goal of having a diverse workforce – encouraging a sharing of different perspectives so that we may learn from one another. 

Let me be clear, I am not in support of sharing completely unfiltered statements without any consideration for the audience, their role to you, or your credibility. Having emotional intelligence means you have the situational awareness to understand the importance of timing and the other person. But I do worry that we have overcorrected and are saying nothing out of fear. Instead, our goal should be to role model healthy confrontation rather than have people tippy-toe around us. 

Here are some additional skills that employees need that are critical to leveraging different perspectives through discussion:

1. The ability to debate.

Think back to high school debate class. Can employees articulate a counter-argument, explain pros and cons of any approach, or hear a contrary opinion without taking it personally? If not, that might need to be the topic of your next webinar series.

2. See conflict as healthy.

Instead of avoiding contention are employees comfortable enough to handle raised voices, stern tones, or opinions that oppose their values without having a moral crisis? Build stress tolerance so people can take being vigorously challenged. Conflict is a sign of diversity. We must start seeing it that way.

3. Understand the importance of consensus.

Consensus does not equate to a 100% agreement. It does equate to a 100% commitment to decisions and actions. Consensus only occurs when each person can say they have had a chance to speak their opinion and have been sincerely heard and have sincerely heard the others’ opinions as well. Don’t pretend everyone gets their first choice or has to be happy with the outcome. Do not tolerate those who hold a grudge if the decision doesn’t go their way, they must let it go and get on board.

Like sports players, contention on the field is expected but you still shake hands when it’s over. It is unprofessional to be a sore loser. It should be the same in business.

?Your organization does not have enough diversity if decisions in meetings are made quickly and easily with minimal different viewpoints. If challengers in the organization are labeled as naysayers, complainers, or not team players you need to face that you might have a go-along-to-get-along culture. If you say you want people to have a safe space but then only make it safe for those who are offended, you are reinforcing the opposite. We need to create a safe space for those willing to speak up and gracefully take it right back, even when it challenges their ego. We grow by learning and using empathy to understand and respect the views of others. That requires communication and debate…and yes, it means there is a case for embracing conflict.

To learn more about our webinar on The Case for Conflict click here.