Carve out time to remember who you are

I was recently on a trip to the Dominican Republic with some friends. It was a guy’s trip where we left the wives and kids at home. The wives will go away in a couple of months and that way everyone get’s a “real break”.

While I was there…I got to really be in touch with a part of myself that is really who I am but I often forget exists until I’m in large group gatherings: The extrovert’s extrovert.

I love people. I love meeting new people, making new friends, stopping for impromptu conversations, and in general just learning about other people’s lives, stories, and advice they may have.

That puts real joy in my cup.

The other guys joked that we couldn’t walk anywhere on the resort without Aravind stopping to “catch up” with someone he just met. For many people (looking at you introverts) – that might be your worst nightmare.

For me…it was heaven.

That trip disconnected me from all the “should” of life & work and allowed me to really pause. It allowed me to think about what makes me tick. What am I uniquely gifted at and what puts energy in my bucket. I can tell you for sure that this element of connecting with people, knowing people, making “small talk” that transforms into meaningful relationships is a core part of what makes me come alive.

It’s also something I forget over and over until I pause and step away from the noise and chaos of the world and think about what makes me tick.

Many of you reading this may have heard of the Japanese term “ikigai” which is that intersection of:

-????????? What you love

-????????? What the world needs

-????????? What you can be paid for

-????????? What you are good at

The problem is…much of our life and our world isn’t structured for us to find our “ikigai”.

We are peppered with other people telling us what to do. Our job will be filled with “the should’s” that we need to do to get paid. Our family duties (While meaningful and satisfaction inducing) take up the evenings and weekends.

Now – with a smartphone in our hands we are more connected than ever. There is always something we “can” be doing. Whether productive (Ex. Catching up on emails, answering unanswered messages, etc) or unproductive (scrolling social media).

This also means even less time to give our minds a chance to think about who we are independent of what the world tells us to be.

We spend more time listening to everyone else and less time listening to ourselves.

It’s a double whammy. A double whammy that will only lead to all of us being less happy and less fulfilled.

I don’t have all the answers but what I can say is:

1)????? Take some time away from others. Away from the computer, from your phone, even from your close relationships every now and then.

2)????? Ask yourself: “What in the past week, month, year gave me real “Joy”. Where did I come alive? Where did I feel the most energetic?

3)????? Ask yourself “Where did I feel the opposite? Where did I feel like my life was being sucked out of me?”

If you aren’t able to find the time for that…that may be the first red flag in your day worth addressing.

It took me going away and rediscovering that loud extroverted part of me to remember. I intend not to forget that part of me anytime soon.

Don’t let yourself forget who you really are.