Carrying on my Grandparents' Legacy

They say that when you enter this world, you are surrounded with loved ones crying tears of joy. And when you transition to your next life, you are surrounded by loved ones crying tears of sadness.?

This was certainly the case last week when my Grandmother Judy, my father’s mother, joined her husband, relatives, and friends in her next life. But our tears were both of joy and sadness as she lived a very full 91 years of life. Amidst being a widow early on in her life and immigrant to the US when the country wasn’t particularly accepting of people of her ethnicity, my grandma took life into her own hands by taking English classes as an adult so that she could communicate with others, worked as a seamstress in LA’s Chinatown, and travelled the world to experience life to the fullest.

As they say, there’s no better environment than being surrounded by loved ones, so when we noticed her cognitive ability declining, particularly due to the effects of COVID- 19, I’m fortunate that we were able to move her from her nursing home in LA to our family run Memory Care & Assisted Living Group Home here in Las Vegas. Over the last 6 months, we were able to spend some quality time together and it gave my family peace of mind knowing that she was receiving the love and care that she deserves.

And yes, you read that right. After leaving the ad industry a few years ago, there was an unexpected opportunity to partner with my parents to create Tender Loving Home, a long term care home for individuals who have Alzheimer’s, dementia, certain chronic illnesses, and/or physical limitations. And as we approach our 1 year anniversary next month in July, let me tell you, it has been an equally challenging and rewarding experience.?

To reflect on my journey thus far, I wanted to share a few learnings and reflections.?

1. Patience is Truly a Virtue - When you have residents that don’t remember who they are, where they are, or who you are, you learn to take a breath and redirect. Focus less on correcting them and more on quelling their confusion and anxiety by engaging in a calm dialect with them related or unrelated to the current topic of conversation.
2. Compassion is Key - With residents who can go from laughing with you to a temper tantrum in the blink of an eye, or residents who go from requiring minimal assistance to full assistance with eating, bathing, and using the restroom as they naturally age, having a compassionate staff who will go above and beyond to ensure that our residents are safe, healthy, and happy are key. I’m very fortunate to have such a great team of caregivers which provide tip top care for our residents. So much so that I was comfortable moving my grandmother to our home as I knew she would receive a more intimate level of care here.
3. Plan Ahead - If you have loved ones approaching an older age and you notice things like frequent confusion, forgetfulness, loss of balance, falls, or excessive sleeping, consult their primary care physician ASAP and share your observations. While there may not always be a cure, for example with Alzheimer’s, certain conditions can be managed with medications and the support from a long term care home like ours which is has 24/7 awake staff to observe, supervise, and assist. I’ve had many residents come to me because they had an accident or unexpected health event, and their families come to me stressed, anxious, and scared because they have to navigate through the complex American healthcare system to figure out what arrangement is best for their loved one. So take the time sooner rather than later to formulate a plan as a family.
4. As one of my first and most comical residents frequently said to myself and my staff, “Life is Short” - So make sure you don’t spend all of it working. Take the time NOW to foster meaningful relationships, starting checking off experiences on your bucket list NOW, and most importantly, make it abundantly known to your loved ones that you love them NOW and always. It can be as simple as a text, call, email, letter, or visit.?
5. Saying Goodbye is Never Easy - When one of my residents began to decline and transition, the hospice nurse asked his wife if she would like to have him go to the hospital or for him to stay at our care home under comfort measures. She quickly responded to the nurse and I, “Why would I want him to go to the hospital when he can be here, peaceful and well cared for, in this Tender Loving Home, which is true to its name?” This brought tears to my eyes, but its sentiments like these that keep me motivated. This job isn’t always glamorous nor is it easy, but being able to help residents live their lives to their fullest and providing peace of mind to their loved ones that they are in good hands has been incredibly meaningful.

While this was definitely an unexpected career turn for me, I’m thankful to my parents for supporting me in this new venture and to my residents and their families for entrusting us to provide the best care for them. It was also reassuring that we were doing things right when we received an A grade with no demerits earlier this year when we had our state inspection.

I miss both of my grandmothers so so much and losing them both in the last year and a half has been tough. But I hope that I am making them proud and carrying on their legacies properly through all that we do in our care home.?

I know that thinking about long term care for a loved one can be a tough step an and navigating through the process of finding a place is even hard.er So please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions about long term care, care homes, Medicare, etc, as I’d happily be a resource for you. And if you or anyone you know is seeking a care home for a loved one in the Las Vegas Area, I hope you’ll consider Tender Loving Home.?