Carrying on a Legacy of Kindness

As my coworkers will quickly tell you, I am an outgoing and happy person. At all times there is a smile, and warmness to my greetings. I help anyone who needs it. However, there is more to my smile than most people know, and I rarely share it because it is hard to do.

I will do my best to explain, as I rarely share anything personal:

My name is Trina. I am a mother of nine wonderful children. My seventh child, Eleanor May Moulder, or Ellie as we called her, was the brightest light. Her eyes were silver blue and she loved to help anyone she could. She would share her special treats with her siblings, share her toys with other kids and constantly remind people, "Don't be sad, be happy!"

She has always made her way, on her time, with little complaint. She was born three weeks early, at 12:30 am, July 19th, 2014. Just in time to wish her Daddy a very happy birthday. They loved sharing their special day, and he forever calls her his greatest birthday present. He was quite apprehensive of sharing his birthday with princesses and unicorns. It soon became his favorite day to share with her. She loved birthdays, and presents, everyday was a good enough reason to give people presents. She would wrap her toys and share them with everyone, she wanted to see them happy.

The week before Memorial Day 2017, Norovirus was spreading like wildfire in our home state of California. My boys were in Kindergarten at the time, several students came to school with stomach aches and malaise, but no fever so they got to stay. Then my son got the stomach ache. I kept him home and he quickly recovered. A few days later, My daughter woke up with hallmark symptoms. They were very bad. In a whirlwind of events too hard to share, she passed suddenly at 3 AM the next morning. All attempts to save her failed. We had to say goodbye. We had to learn how to live in our new existence without the ray of sunshine we had been blessed to call our own. I was now a bereaved parent. Unlike birthing a child, nobody had kind words of wisdom, there were no how to books. I found it dark, and quiet, few people willing to share in something so uncomfortable as child loss.

I could write forever on the events of the darkest day of my life, but instead I choose to focus on my sunshine. She could light up any room, she could make any situation better. She would do anything to make people she didn't even know, happy. I found later in my grief journey that I wanted to share in the light of her life, not the darkness of our loss.

We started something we called the Legacy of Kindness on the first anniversary of her passing. We focused the pain and darkness, and channeled it into honoring the light she gave this world in her short time here. We changed the sad name of anniversary of her passing, to her Angelversary. I started sharing her with people who asked, not the pain of her passing, but the happiness she brought to everyone who knew her. I used the memories I had of her to help myself move forward in this life and do everything I can to make it better in her name.

This year is year three of our annual Pay it Forward event. Friday, May 29th, 2020 we will again work with the local places she loved to pay forward her favorite treats to all the children who visit. We will continue our random acts of kindness as we get through the hard day. Then we will end it by visiting her, leaving her roses, and telling her all about it.

I am sure you are asking why I would share this on LinkedIn. Well, I think it is important, as coworkers and as human beings, to be kind to everyone. Even those who seem happiest can be fighting a fight we cannot see. We never know what our coworkers are experiencing and feeling in their lives away from the office. I have been truly blessed to have amazing coworkers who constantly talk to me about Ellie without fear or hesitation, sharing in her memory every chance there is. Don't be afraid to talk to a bereaved parent, not all tears that fall are sad, sometimes we cry because we are so happy that someone remembered our child.

It is in her memory, her sunshine in a scary and dark world, that I live every day with smiles and happiness. I was blessed to be her Mommy.

This Friday, May 29th, 2020 please share one random act of kindness in her memory. Follow our event on Facebook by searching #PIF4ELLIE.