Caring about employees goes beyond being "cool"
Intergenerational dynamics are fascinating to me. I've learned to become more fluent in navigating their vastly different values, in the workplace and beyond. Being a Gen Xer, I'm squeezed between two much larger generations that vastly outnumber me and my fellow grunge and "Whatever" peers: the Boomers and the Millennials. My parents are in the Silent Generation, and my own children, as well as students and now a few work colleagues, are Gen Z.
Spanning five-plus decades of different values is the reality of being "seasoned" in one's career.
This recent story in The Guardian about a KPMG exec--a fellow Gen Xer--caught my attention because it's a case study in how *not* to bridge the generational divide. The headline is a bit off, since "caring about employees" is more than being "cool:" It has now become a reasonable expectation. I'm glad for it.
So what did my fellow Gen X leader from KPMG get wrong?
Simply put, this leader lacked two things:
- Empathy, a required 21st-century skill for everyone, and
- The necessary communications capability of other-awareness.
He was tone deaf to the reality of challenges during the past year of COVID-19's economic, mental health and societal impacts. And he missed the mark on being attuned to everyone's need for more learning about unconscious bias.
I've witnessed these types of blind spots in the past, and there are ways to become more aware of them in ourselves and others. Let's break it down.
Is it generational or is it patriarchial?
Coming up in the workplace and being "raised" by Boomer mentors, I had to learn a set of professional values that prioritized fierce individualism, independence and a hard-charging get-it-done attitude. There are a handful of Boomers who positively mentored me, and I am thankful for them. Yet most of the time, I was supposed to absorb things myself, without a lot of direction, or I was expected to do things exactly like my Boomer predecessors.
Image by Gerd Altman from Pixabay
I recall a distinct message from Boomer leaders that I had to "pay my dues." To be a leader, I had to do my time. This meant that I would only become a leader *after* I graduated to it, presumably when the Boomer generation retired. (Update: This is taking a long time.)
I recall one time when I shared with colleagues some leadership insights from Don Clifton and Marcus Buckingham's Now, Discover Your Strengths. Those with leadership titles in the organization quickly informed me that since I wasn't a leader, my sharing about leadership was inappropriate.
Like my Gen X brethren, I adapted and learned to play by these rules, while at times I certainly had my own opinions and feelings about it. I generally kept these to myself, but when I didn't I was criticized for being overly sensitive or not staying in my lane.
Workplace etiquette under the more patriarchial Boomer leadership style, even among women, encouraged a no-feelings zone. No crying, no anger that could be perceived as being "strident" and no room for anything not work related. This also applied to anything involving time away from work for childcare or kid activities.
I remember one late afternoon when I took a couple hours away to attend my daughter's Girl Scout ice skating outing. This was a rarity for me because of my (admittedly) overcommitment to work, and my husband handled most things having to do with the kids since he stayed at home with them during the day--an unusual set of circumstances for the time but one that worked well for us. Today, it is much more normal--thank goodness.
Another colleague of my same age, who also had kids, roundly chastised me for taking the time and drawing negative attention to the other working moms. Although she and I are both Gen X, we worked in a company owned by a Boomer. I'm sure this had a lot to do with her reaction.
But it also gave me pause and was a good reminder to look at everyone's motivation for workplace behavior. Power in this case was the driver. And make no mistake, this was an example of why solving all the world's problems is not as simple as just putting more women in leadership roles. There are great leaders all across the spectrum of genders. I've been managed by men and women who exhibit empathy. That capability is the key, not one's gender.
How have the rules changed?
The KPMG leader wanted to just get back to business--but business is different now. We are working in a world where more of those in charge care more about how everyone is doing, and they are striving for equity. This is not something to skirt past. It's a change for the better, and it will improve the workplace for all of us.
Image by Gerd Altman from Pixabay
And there's more scientific and economic evidence that operating from shared purpose and empathy is smart business. Lisa Feldman Barrett's research on allostasis, or "brain budgeting," is nuanced and ground-breaking. How humans share emotion to build trust, and how that emotion truly is not separate from cognition in our brains, is revealing to say the least. We need to pay more attention to the hard (not soft) skills related to emotion. It's not touchy-feely; it's good business sense.
I work at an agency owned by Millennials--and many of my colleagues and clients are also Gen Y. The new rules now prioritize collaboration, empathy and purpose-driven work. This is fortunate because it's a good fit with my own preferred way of working, and it's aligned with my personal values. There are many individuals across each generation that can get behind these principles, all the more proof that when we over-generalize about generational dynamics we oversimplify reality.
Moving beyond the double pandemic
As if to further reinforce the need for these new life and work skills, the past year has thrown us all for a loop. We've all been hit hard by the new normal of work from home during COVID. Honestly, if my kids were young, this would be a very stressful time for me. It has still been challenging, but I have found ways to keep my spirits up and learn more about myself in the process.
I see my colleagues with young children struggling to get it all done. And I know that many outside our agency have lost work during this time. Anxiety is an ever-present feeling for all of us, in varying degrees depending on our circumstances, and it comes and goes in waves. We've all had to learn to give ourselves a break, and draw from our stores of empathy to better understand coworkers, clients and family members' situations. The burnout is real right now.
Image by John Hain from Pixabay
The double pandemic of racial injustice has created a second reason for empathy among leaders. Growing awareness for racial justice and equity is not a passing trend. And understanding one's privilege in the context of racial injustice is necessary. I know full well that my two daughters, one Black and one white, are treated differently in the world purely because of their skin colors.
But I also know that I don't know all of this from lived experience, and I am trying to listen more to those who have experienced bias, inequity and injustice. And I'm trying to take more action, and put my charitable donations and consumer purchasing behind supports for organizations that support or are owned by BIPOC individuals.
Open your ears, eyes, mind and heart
While I don't know the KPMG executive from The Guardian's story, the impression given by his conference call communication was that he had lost patience with the need for empathy. And he demonstrated his lack of qualifications to share any wisdom about unconscious bias.
Today's employees expect more from us as leaders, and we have to be prepared to step up with open ears, eyes, minds and hearts. This takes more strength than we can imagine. It's a kind of muscle-building that demands we follow these steps, in order, over and over again:
- Actively listen, without judgment.
- Observe what employee behaviors are saying, and note that it may be differen than the words they are saying.
- Think about human priorities beyond your own.
- Open your heart to your own and others' needs. They are not frivolous.
This is the way of leadership, from now on. Credibility is driven by empathy, and it's the right work for leaders eager to succeed.