‘Caring > Dysfunction’ = Will Put In Effort To Make Things Work

Reading time:?

• Summary = 2 mins
• Details = 5 mins

‘Caring > Dysfunction’ = Will put in effort to make things work

• ‘Caring - Dysfunction > 0’ = You care enough to overcome issues and put in the effort to fix things.
• ‘Caring - Dysfunction < 0’ = Issues or dysfunction overwhelm your caring, so you're less likely to put in the effort to fix things.
• Therefore to increase the chance things will work out: 1. Increase caring + 2. Decrease dysfunction.?
• If we assume the maximum Caring can be is 10/10 and the minimum dysfunction can be is 0/10, then we can have a maximum ‘Caring - Dysfunction’ of +10 and minimum of -10.

Jingle:

• “When dysfunctions on the rise,
• Real caring is the prize.
• Let empathy lead the way,
• And keep frustrations at bay!”

Functional Work Relationship = Minimum Dysfunction

• Below is a modification of the ‘Five Dysfunctions Of A Team’ framework, with two layers added on the bottom: ‘Communication Ability’ and ‘Relationship Strength’.?
• I find this a helpful framework to lower dysfunction.

Read on for details on the following

• “Happiness is the absence of desire.” Buddhism
• Functional Relationship = Absence Of Dysfunction?
• A model for lowering dysfunction
• Strategies to build Relationship Strength
• Strategies to Communicate well
• Strategies to Increase Caring

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Details

*Note: This is mainly for work relationships, but I think is some relevance for romantic relationships.?

“Happiness is the absence of desire.” Buddhism

• Once, I thought of this concept as slightly cynical. But over time, I’ve realized that in certain areas of life—particularly in work relationships—this framework can be very useful
• For work relationships, a minimum of dysfunction = function relationship = happiness?

Functional Relationship = Absence Of Dysfunction?

• Or perhaps, “Functional Relationship = Minimum Dysfunction”

A model for lowering dysfunction - Five Dysfunctions Of A Team

• Many of us are familiar with Patrick Lencioni’s classic framework, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. It provides a powerful lens for identifying the main pitfalls that sabotage teamwork. If we minimize these core dysfunctions—lack of trust, fear of conflict, lack of commitment, avoidance of accountability, and inattention to results—we create a more functional and happier team.
• Here are a couple of visuals of Five Dysfunctions Of A Team that I like.

I posit there are two level that can be added on the bottom - ‘Relationship Strength’ and ‘Communication Ability’

Strategies to build Relationship Strength

Actively invest in building relationships => ‘friendships are built from doing nothing together, not something together’.?

There to perform a function ? Human being

Here is a blog I wrote about this in the past.?

• Grabbing coffee or lunch together without a strict agenda.
• Taking a walk and talking about non-work topics.
• Scheduling occasional team-bonding events that aren’t purely task-focused.
• Have dinner together once a month where you can't talk about short term deliverables or people issues.

When team members see each other as human beings—rather than mere “function providers”—they’re more likely to extend trust, understanding, and collaboration.

Founder/Leadership Feedback Sessions => A way to release pressure from the relationship.?A framework I’ve found helpful:?

Individual Reflection:

• What went well in the last quarter/half-year?
• What went poorly?
• What do you consider your strengths?
• What do you consider your weaknesses?

Group Feedback:

• Others share their observations about your performance, strengths, and weaknesses.

Comment

• This process can be nerve-wracking, but it’s incredibly effective. When someone openly acknowledges their own shortcomings, it becomes far easier for everyone to trust them and communicate openly. This honesty fosters deeper relationships and sets a high standard of accountability.

Strategies to Communicate well

• Positive Sum Discussions = 1. Message Positive Sum 2. Messaging Positive Sum 3. Interactions Positive Sum
• Conversation outcome = 1. Mindset 2. Messaging 3. Message
• IMO good messaging tries to provoke thought, not tell people how it is.
• Positive Sum Conversation Mindset = 1. What did I learn? + 2. How does the other person feel??
• Conversation conventions - thoughts on how not to derail meetings?

Strategies to Increase Caring

• Care = 1. Mission grows over time * 2. Progress is made towards the mission. Overtime increase the scope and scale of your mission.
• This is tangentially related: 10x work goals: human beings, not human doings - thoughts on how epic work can be a reason for being

Overall equations

• Happiness at work = 1. Minimal interpersonal dysfunction 2. Care increases over time 3. Progress (more progress solves all known problems)
• Happiness in romantic relationships = 1. Minimal interpersonal dysfunction 2. Good at relaxing together 3. Good at play together * 4. Good at purpose together (eg raising kids).?

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Addendum

• From a blog I wrote in the past:?

Building work relationships - to build something you first have to do nothing

Summary:?

A great team is more than the sum of its parts. Ie Great team: “1+1=3”; Average team: “1+1=2”.?

IMO the most important difference between a great team and an average team is the quality of the relationships in the team.?

Output quality = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality

IMO work relationships can be consciously built and maintained. IMO spending some time on this is crucial:

• Output quality = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality
• Enjoyment = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality
• Employee retention / longevity = 1. People quality * 2. Relationship quality

People try to consciously get better at their jobs. IMO people should be consciously trying to get good at building and maintaining work relationships.?

• It doesn’t matter how good two individuals are independently if they don’t have a quality relationship , they won't do good work together. IMO the best people have quality work relationships with everyone… and it’s not an accident they do.?

Companies worry about getting culture right. IMO companies should consciously foster quality work relationships.?

• It is a case of quality relationships creating a quality culture as much as a quality culture creating quality relationships
• It doesn’t matter how good your mission is if employees are all strangers to each other, they won’t care, won’t level each other up and won’t challenge ideas that don’t make sense to them etc.?
• A bunch of strangers = average team = “1+1=2”.?
• People who have quality work relationships = great team = “1+1=3”

“Friendships are built from doing nothing together, not something together.” Sheldon Kendrick

You can have one night out with someone (doing nothing time). 2 years later you see you see them down the street and you say ‘buddy, how are you!’?

You can work with someone for 2 years (work can be all doing something time) and have left that job 2 years ago. You see them down the street after not seeing them for 2 years and you hide hoping they don’t see you so you don’t have to say hello.?

Examples of doing nothing [deeper examples below]:

• Chatting on the way back from a meeting for 2 mins
• Talking in the kitchen for 2 mins
• Getting coffee
• Having a chat at monthly drinks.?
• Team offsites (done well)

Examples of doing something:

• Basically everything else.?
• Eg working on a project, weekly team meeting, etc

Jingle: To build something (at a company) first you have to do nothing (with your coworkers and build your work relationships so you can do something well).

Work relationship levels (full explanation of levels below):

• -L1: don’t like: “Poor team = 1 + 1 = 1.5”, won’t ask for help, are a sourpuss
• L0: don’t know someone: “Average team = 1 + 1 = 2”, won’t challenge an idea, are neutral energy
• L1: friendly: “Great team = 1? + 1 = 3”, will ask for help, will challenge an idea, will laugh etc.?
• L2: work BFF: “Special team = 1? + 1 > 3”, have many new emergent ideas

Thoughts on getting to “L1: friendly” work relationships in 30 mins, not 3 months

I loved this “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love” from the NYTimes 5 years ago.

Here are my 11 questions to get to “L1: friendly” work relationship strength in 30 mins at Edrolo (full explanation of where the questions came and suggestions on authentic vulnerability below. IMO you’d likely want to change these to fit your company. If you want I’ll make ~10 questions for your company for $10k :) ):?

• 1. Prior to school people often love reading, lego, board games, playing sport or something else. Did you love anything prior to school??
• 2. Did you like primary school or not really?
• 3. What subjects did you end up doing in Year 12 and why??
• 4. If you could go back in time give yourself advice on what subjects to do in year 12 what would the advice be and why??
• 5. What did you do at university, did you enjoy it and if you could have your time again would you do something different??
• 6. What is your fav part of the existing secondary education system and what is your least fav part??
• 7. [before this meeting have them watch the latest version of product vision] Any initial thoughts you have on the Edrolo product strategy??
• 8. If you are comfortable, what were the main reasons you applied for this job? Is there anything that worries you about this job??
• 9. If you made a lot of money and were going to give some money to a charity what charity would you choose and why? (this is getting into what they care about, if they have any big passions etc, it’s a softball way of asking this)
• 10. Are there any developments in the world in the last year or two that worry you??
• 11. Anything you want to ask me?

… if you read to the bottom i’ve made a generic 11 questions for any company for ‘getting to L1: friendly’.?