Caregiving Was Killing Me Slowly From the Inside

It’s the holiday season, and Olivia called my office with a dilemma.  She was the caregiver for her husband with dementia. They had promised each other many years ago that they would always take care of each other, and that they would age in place in their home. Dealing with Rudi’s dementia symptoms and daily drama was difficult, but it had become almost routine for her. Managing his activities of daily living (showering, toileting, dressing), was becoming increasingly more physically demanding, but their commitment to each other kept her going.

When the virus crisis hit, Olivia neared a breaking point.  The isolation had now taken a crushing mental and physical toll not just on her husband but also herself. Physical therapy stopped, doctor’s appointments were skipped, and even walks in the mall ground to a halt. She was suffering from caregiver burnout, and she knew that she needed help.  She also understood that she could no longer provide the around the clock care necessary for many suffering from moderate and advanced dementias.

After a careful review of Rudi’s care needs and finances, Olivia agreed that memory care was the next step on her husband’s journey. Now she agonized over the timing. She wanted to keep him home for one more Christmas. We reviewed the pros and cons of that decision.  Did she have the endurance to continue to provide care? Would she allow extended family to visit and risk additional virus exposure? Would she loose the room that was available at her preferred memory care community? Was there a risk to keeping him home for a few more weeks? She was going to think about it for the weekend and give me her decision on Monday.

The next phone call came after Rudi had taken a fall in the bathroom. She was helping with a toilet transfer when he slipped and hit his head. A broken hip or increased cognitive impairment resulting from the fall could have had a dramatic impact on Rudi’s future quality of life. Fortunately, he was not severely injured.  Now was the time to make a commitment, while they still had placement options. Within a few days, we helped transition Rudi into a memory care community that specialized in his specific diagnosis.

Olivia’s latest phone call was much more pleasant than her first. She confided that prior to calling Care Patrol, the decision on what to do with Rudi was “killing me slowly from the inside”. Caregiving had become too much. She was constantly anxious and felt tired and irritable from not sleeping. Navigating the senior living options was confusing and overwhelming. We walk this journey every day with our clients, and having an experienced compassionate care manager to help her through every step of the process was invaluable. Now that he was being well taken care of, she sounded rested, and was excited to report that Rudi was gaining weight, engaging with the memory care programming, flirting with the caregivers, and had even made a best friend in the TV room. I love these outcomes. They make for the best Christmas presents.

Aging and finding appropriate care in today’s environment can be complicated. Your family may benefit from Care Patrol’s senior living expertise and access to assisted living, memory care and in-home care options. If you need FREE help finding care for a senior, you can reach Eric Klein at 847.653.1212 [email protected]