Careful.....It Might Just Pop!

Habits are an interesting thing; tough to create and sometimes even more difficult to maintain. I have found this to be true in my own life which is particularly frustrating as I regularly teach the concept that building good habits can increase personal capacity, and then fail to follow my own advice.

I convey to my students the benefits of self care.....exercise, good nutrition and adequate sleep...... and then stay up too late to consume an entire pint of caramel buttermilk ice cream.

I provide instruction in effective time management....and then spend too many precious moments scrolling through political posts on social media.

I extol the virtues of reading great books to gain knowledge....and then find myself hopelessly engaged in watching re-runs of a favorite sitcom while the latest book filled with amazing leadership advice lays untouched on the sofa beside me.

This brings to mind the age old and rather uncomfortable saying "Do as I say, not as I do." Ugg.

I want to maintain and expand my personal capacity. I want to learn. I want to grow. I generally want to; do more, be more and achieve more...but that is tough to do when I am firmly planted on my couch with a package of Oreo cookies watching the same episode of Big Bang Theory that I have seen 20 times, instead of heading out for a run.

This then begs the question, why? Why, can't I follow my own advice? I know what I should eat. I know that I should sleep. I know that I should read. But, I don't follow through.

With this thought in mind, I began to think about the science of creating and maintaining good habits and what are those things that derail our positive intentions.

Author James Clear summarizes this failure do those things that we know we should, very effectively. "It’s nice to know what you want and having goals gives you a sense of direction and purpose. However, there is one way that your hopes and dreams actually sabotage you from becoming better: your desires can easily lure you into biting off more than you can chew.Too often, we let our motivations and desires drive us into a frenzy as we try to solve our entire problem at once instead of starting a small, new routine. I know, I know. It’s not nearly as sexy as saying you lost 30 pounds in 3 months. But the truth is this: the dreams that you have are very different from the actions that will get you there." https://jamesclear.com/why-is-it-so-hard-to-form-good-habits

Hmmmm...I think that Mr. Clear must have been writing this about me.

Anyone who knows me well knows how ambitious I am about....well...almost everything.

Start running? You bet! How soon can I sign up for the next marathon?

Lose weight? No problem! I'll just drink chicken broth every day for two months!

Further my education? No worries here! A Ph.D program is just the thing!

The problem with this kind of approach is that it really is doomed to either failure or at a minimum, excessive frustration. 

The big idea shared by Mr. Clear along with other personal change experts, is that when we tackle things that we want to change in very big ways we do ourselves a disservice and don't achieve the results that we intended to reach.

When I began to think about the idea of making changes and how we often get derailed, I went back to an analogy that I have used before, intending to write about balloons and capacity....and then I stopped short. I realized that at some point both balloons and people reach their capacity and simply cannot take in any more.

I am humbled.

While I do believe that our personal capacities for; knowledge, friends, love  and skills can and should grow through education, exposure and experience, I was overwhelmed with the realization that there are limits and that not every transformation can or should be life changing.

If I really am committed to increasing my capacity, perhaps a better approach is to think about the small things that I can do to affect the biggest renewal  in my world.

"If you plant the right seed in the right spot, it will grow without further coaxing.

I believe this is the best metaphor for creating habits.

The “right seed” is the tiny behavior that you choose. The “right spot” is the sequencing — what it comes after. The “coaxing” part is amping up motivation, which I think has nothing to do with creating habits. In fact, focusing on motivation as the key to habits is exactly wrong.

Let me be more explicit: If you pick the right small behavior and sequence it right, then you won’t have to motivate yourself to have it grow. It will just happen naturally, like a good seed planted in a good spot.
—BJ Fogg, founder of Tiny Habits. https://tinyhabits.com/

Maybe I don't have to run a marathon....maybe a mile is OK.

Maybe I don't have to lose 20 pounds in the next month.....maybe 5 is OK.

Maybe I don't have to get a Ph.D...maybe taking just one class is OK.

Small changes.....more capacity...big results.

It's all about being better tomorrow than I am today.....but I don't have to do it all at once and it's OK some days to let a little bit of air out of my balloon.

"If you’re serious about making real change — in other words, if you’re serious about doing things better than you are now — then you have to start small." https://jamesclear.com/why-is-it-so-hard-to-form-good-habits

New to my resume this morning....Reta Clyde...still with a servant heart... understanding my own limitations and growing my capacity in very small ways.