Be careful while caring ....
My daughter, aged 22, looked little worried as we were having a dad-daughter date. I asked her, “what happened?” She hesitated a bit and said, “I am not very sure what is a career as an archaeologist”….
…Just in 8th standard our little girl had declared that she would pursue archaeology as a career. None of us have a clue about what the career is about (in fact I still have to spell-check when I type it!) but keeping in line with the tradition of our family, there was no question of objecting to what she wanted. True to her word she followed the path and now about to complete her Masters from one of the top 3 institutes in India. While she is doing extremely well in her studies, a tension has started mounting as other friends have a little more defined career, some of them even earning now…
“What’s the problem?” I asked. “Well, while I love my subject, most paths are leading to pursuing research. I am not sure I want to do that. Earning money also is important, right?” she asked. I nodded quietly. “Should I try for an MBA?” was her next question. I shrugged, “Only if you like!”. Now at this point she was irritated and mimicked my shrug , “Why this? You are an HR person right, why don’t you tell me about my career?” Being too old for these sort of provocations, I said, “Listen, there are 6 out 10 careers today which did not exist when I started mine, so I may not be the right person plus I have only followed the formula of following my heart so how can I tell you what’s your heart saying?”…..
…As we discussed further including a little visualisation exercise, she blurted out, “What I really want to is to take my subject to people and not keep getting lost in my own world. I want to be with people, I want to travel the world and I want to make money”…. As we conversed she realised what she really wanted – she wanted to figure out something which is more application oriented part of her subject. Having settled this we agreed that she would find out some options there. Soon enough she narrowed down on some options with fusion of culture, history and tourism. With a spring in her stride she is again hopeful! How it will turn out, well no-one knows….
Honestly, it is difficult as a parent to see your child going through frustrations and struggle and it is only natural to want to help, to care. My profession has taught me to ask a few questions before jumping right into action…. The two questions in this case I had for myself were… Am I qualified and updated about the current opportunities she is exploring …. Answer to that was a firm negative! The second question was what do I really want for her? …. Well the simple answer is I wanted her to be happy… to be happy she needs to be free of frustrations ….. which means she needs to know how to deal with frustrations ….. that can only happen only if she can decide for herself as to what she wants…. Well! That sounded quite alright to me…. My job was really to be with her and help her through the process of making her own decisions….. tough as it may be to see your child go through pain, that’s the integral part of growing up…. Building your own thinking muscle… In my limited understanding of the world that is the best I can do…. One just needs to be careful while caring!
Product Manager - Digital Platforms | Financial Services | Content Distribution
4 年Very well articulated Yogesh Patgaonkar, MCC Trying to highlight the thin line between helping someone think independently owning their decisions and on the other hand crippling someone's ability to make decisions by jumping in to offer solutions. I have a toddler and we too try to apply this model so he learns early on in life to make decisions and make them right!
Corporate leader turned entrepreneur // Enterprise Sales // Profitable business growth
4 年Beautiful Yogesh.
This is a simply wow. Thank you for sharing such an insightful experience and learning’s from it. Being a father of two lil’ angel daughters (although quite small as of right now) I can only relate how a similar discussion would go when they pursue and choose their careers. Power to you and your daughter......
Independent Board Director I ESG & CSR I Corporate Governance I Agriculture & Healthcare Expertise I Stakeholder Advocacy I Storyteller I Brand Management I ICF - PCC Coach I EMCC Sr Practitioner & Mentor
4 年I am just so glad I came across this Yogesh Patgaonkar, MCC. It is so reminiscent of my recent conversations with my son who is sought out for various job interviews and doesn’t want to pursue much because he is happy where he is and here I am as a parent wanting him to expand his horizons! In the end, it all boils down to what you say - we want our children to be happy and to be able to navigate life’s ups and downs. Somewhere though I do think we as parents overdo our part ??
Chief Executive Officer at ArcelorMittal Digital Consulting Pvt Ltd.
4 年Very interesting take Yogesh. My view is as parents asking them the right questions is helping our kids build the 'thinking muscle' while subtly helping them with the right direction. And this is what you done in a way.. :)