Careers, Confidence & Connection

Part 3: The Ripple Effect of Connection

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Previously on.... in part 2, I shares some vulnerable parts of my story, for many reasons, one of them was some huge wake ups I had, which I offer you as a perspective. You can of course take or leave them. My biggest wake-ups are:

I cannot do IT on my own – nor do I want to. This is VULNERABILITY & CONNECTION.

Belonging is very different to fitting in and I am much happier when I belong – This is SELF-CONNECTION.

My BEST SELF makes the best decisions. This is WHOLEHEARTED AUTHENTICITY.

I know I am ENOUGH! As I am, now, here today, I always have been. This is SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

I am continually changing and growing. This is CURIOSITY & SELF AWARENESS.

This is NOT PRETENDING, It’s SAYING HOW I FEEL & ASKING FOR WHAT I WANT. This is Honesty.

All THIS is a continuous daily PRACTICE, “Doing the work” and it’s available to us all, in a way each of us needs, when we need it – but, it’s not a one size fits all thing. This is the main reason I don’t offer cookie-cutter coaching programmes; you’re not cookie dough. Your experience may be similar but it’s never the same. Everyone’s process and journey is so different…

The past few years have been an intense period of self-reflection and personal work for me. The thread that runs through all of stories, all my endings, transitions and beginnings is connection; internal and external. In the most recent period of transition, I have come to realise the value of connection to others; true, authentic meaningful connection and I imagine that has only come to me because I have re-connected with myself – my values, my boundaries, who I am now in my life, what I want, how I want to show up, my purpose, what I want to give back and what I need to bring. These are big existential questions, and when I’m off kilter it’s usually because I’ve lost sight of one or more of these elements. These are enough questions to ask yourself and even tougher to honestly answer and then bring to life - you can ask for help on this stuff. In fact, I'm not into 'shoulding' people and this is an exception. It's virtually impossible to do yourself. On this we should look externally for help - we can't see our blind spots. If you haven't asked yourself these questions or haven't yet found the answers you really actually believe (if you believe it, you will be open to sharing it; that's a good test of how much you believe yourself) I strongly recommend you do this piece of work. This is one of the most impactful pieces of work I lead with clients 1:1.

That got me thinking about what we women want from work, what we NEED and the part we have to play – what we need to bring - and how important self-connection in this. What women want from work is well researched, particularly post pandemic (getting it is another matter, but we are at least quite united in listing the wants).

What we women want is opportunity for progression, aligned cultural values, equity and inclusion, support from our line manager, a sensible stimulating workload, flexibility and the right salary and benefits – we deep down want this and believe we can have it. The conundrum is that the priority order of all of these elements change in the ebb and flow of our lives and careers; it's not linear.

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Women are still a conundrum to our organizations; our career stages intertwine yet are differentiated from our development and life stages. What works for us in our 20’s doesn’t work in our 30’s or our 40’s, or through peri and menopause, 50’s and beyond. We wear our life changes openly for all to see, yet often feel we must hide them, apologize for them, or bend ourselves into some kind of shape to work around them as though they are a disadvantage or hinderance; like a bug in our IOS. Nonsense!

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We are fit and healthy, working well into our 60’s – we really WANT is to feel valuable and valued throughout our lives and careers. Because we ARE! ?What we NEED though is simpler, we need to feel seen, heard and known in each stage of career and life. We need mentoring and to mentor, we need life and career stage appropriate coaching, we need peer support and allyship, we need connection, champions, truth tellers and advocates and we need to actively be all those things to others.

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We need to know what it is we want and need at each stage of our life, and we need the confidence and courage to ask for what we want - unapologetically! First though, we need to know what our wants and needs are. This needs some deep internal reflection and enquiry; a continuous practice of listening to ourselves without judgement.

Seeing, hearing and knowing yourself is way more important than the external eyes and words of others. Giving yourself the respect of your own ear and heart is more important than giving it to others; there is a reason you fit your own oxygen mask first!? How do we achieve this? Self-awareness and self-connection.

What stops us from really opening ourselves to this? Often it's our armour and masks. Sometimes I pretend…

Next, Part 4: The Masks & Armour; sometimes I pretend…