Career and the need for a support system

Today I went to brunch with my family. After the divorce, we are trying to establish new rituals as parents, and Sunday brunch (or lunch, depending on Saturday night's sleep deprivation status) seems to work for us. Our daughters are still 13 and 10, and co-parenting is critical, as difficult as it may be.

This morning, my 10-year-old daughter brought a friend (I will name her Eden to preserve her anonymity) after their Saturday sleepover. Eden surprised everybody when she started talking about considering leaving her current school and finding more suitable alternatives. My family knows Eden well enough, and she never said that before. She got very emotional, and after calming her down a bit, we (the adults at the table) took an opportunity to talk to Eden a bit about her feelings in a more private setting after enjoying our brunch.

Eden is obviously going through a challenging transition from a smaller, more predictable, and known setting at her elementary school to a middle school that's bigger, less known, and always more chaotic. Put that together with some early signs of puberty and some decisions their parents are currently making about jobs and finances, and this 11-year-old is under significant psychological pressure. Our conversation revealed that even something as small as connecting with her mom via text during the school day was important to feel loved and supported by the person she trusts the most. Now she can't, and together with everything else going on, she feels lost.

Educators are the first to remind us how important it is to have a support system for students. There is plenty of research evidence that connects academic failure with the lack of an active support system. Eden is a high-ability, fun, and competent student. Something will have to change in her support system.

Interestingly enough, this article is not about the need for support systems only when we are children. Supervisors, mentors, coaches, and peers are important parts of our support system when we grow up and have careers. They will be as important for Eden one day as her family, teachers, and friends are today. This topic came to me yesterday when I reflected on the fear of public speaking or presentations that most people have and how much we emphasize what the person can do to feel more at ease: breathing techniques, mastery of content, rehearsing, etc. We tend to forget the critical aspect of having a support system: that supervisor, mentor, coach, or peer that will help you during your prep time, not only with the content or delivery but the support you need to tackle the task with confidence.

#BeWise and remember to develop a support system for yourself as you grow up. A system is not a person. It would help if you weaved a safety net diverse enough to hear multiple perspectives and not depend on one or two people. As much as we understand why many children -especially those enduring adverse experiences- have issues due to the lack of a support system, we better pay attention to the skill of developing and nurturing your own support system as an adult. Do not underestimate the value of FFMC (family, friends, mentors, and coaches). Eden needs them as much as we all do.