Career & Motherhood

Predicament of balancing a career with motherhood

?One of my highest performing managers, has a son recently diagnosed with autism which means a career break is imminent given her need to become a primary carer. On the other hand, another management graduate has just quit her full-time parenting role to embrace a full-time career & put her financial goals ahead of parenting needs.

Whether it be giving up a career to become a full-time primary carer for your child/ family member or giving up a full-time mother role to build financial security and a career, both are equally difficult situations to navigate. As I look at course of own career and frequency with which women continue to grapple with these choices, and conversation on balancing career and family needs are complex, dynamic and often laden with emotional undertones which go unacknowledged! As this is just not about financial goals as an individual or a family unit, but more about how a woman wants to define herself, her emotional anchors, her overall well-being and aspirations she has built for herself in the early years of her life.

In my own 25 years+ working life, I have had a full-fledged corporate career, taken short sabbaticals, being primary carer for ailing family members and re-embarked a busy career path by choice. Having seen both sides of the coin, there is no right or wrong, and more importantly remember what seems right now may not seem right at a later stage in your life. This means stepping down from a corporate career to take care of a child does not necessary mean giving up your career for life. Circumstances and personal aspirations both change over time.

Here is a 5-point framework I often use as a guide to navigate through this very emotionally charged decision between career and motherhood.

1. Each case is unique and not comparable: Each woman’s individual circumstances, aspirations and family situation are unique and distinctive. Looking at solutions set by others may act as an indicator but don’t let anyone tell you ‘I did it, so you can!’ or worse still ‘She is doing it so you can!’ The focus must be what are your priorities in the current life stage along with your circumstances – if your priority is children/ home/ parents taking a step down from career is perfectly fine however if financial security & independence and career is important to your life stage, make a choice for yourself not others. Context & circumstances are every evolving with life stages. When you set aside a part of your life now, does not mean that you are giving it all up for life! ?
2. Women are by nature, the best primary carer in families: Now this does not mean that fathers cannot be great primary carers nor that women must continuously put themselves as being primary carer role ahead of all their aspirations. But there are too many women doubting their every own innate ability of being mothers in face of constant pressure to be on the corporate treadmill. I ask women to be proud of their role as primary carer and make that choice out of their innate ability to be best fit for their role rather than it being defined by giving up a career. Women need to be equally proud of being mothers as they are of their career. Bringing up one happy, independent contributing child to the society is way more important a contribution to the society that any large team or business you will manage where you are (honestly!) dispensable. And being a stay home mother is probably a better way to enhances your emotional intelligence and people management skills (pun intended!).
3. Role of the husband (a.k.a. fathers) is very important: Children need safe, comfortable, loving environment to grow up into happy, independent and successful adults. And role of the father - not just being physically present but emotionally present in a child’s life can go a long way in helping a woman to continue to work. And in India we are still blessed with extended family members and parents on both sides helping to bring up a child. I encourage women to consider creating a loving and safe environment for their children when they are at work and if that is possible, they should continue to pursue their professional goals along with motherhood.
4. Children are born with resilience: A woman must understand that she makes a choice for herself and not for the child! Children are born with resilience and ability adapt to the environment much better than we adults do and in that happy space they will adjust to your priorities. I have met many latchkey kids who have grown into secure, independent and happy individuals. The trick is for the family to have common shared values and communicate with honesty and understanding as they go along with meeting varying demands of parenthood.
5. Your happiness matters: That is the final and most important advice. A happy working mother who spends an hour with her child before bedtime is far better than an unhappy full time mother hovering on her child all day burdened with sense of disappointment and unfulfilled ambitions. Look for flexi-time options, entrepreneurial projects, voluntary work, earning from home options to meet your personal aspirations alongside your motherhood role – life is full of infinite possibilities, remain open and don’t be shy of experimenting with out-of-the box options.

Remember the choice is yours alone and do not be loaded with guilt of either being away from home or being at home – guilt is an acquired emotion from what others think about your choices and there should be no room for that in your life

This is your life, your decision and your happiness!