A career with many roles and many questions.

After a career advancement search and a job search that has gone on for so long I will admit; I have messed up at every turn. I feel like where others hang in there a bit longer or say "yes" or "no," for me it hasn't worked out. 

This is an honest post. I get hindsight doesn't change anything but as I look forward it has made me more aware of the choices that I need to make.

Life in New Jersey; from undergrad until 2009 when I just needed "something more".

After 4 or so years in New Jersey I was realizing that friends and peers (and those whose LI profiles I was viewing) were advancing. Unfortunately there wasn't a career path or ladder where I was. I loved them but wanted something more and when an HR Manager role opened up I jumped for it. Now, I certainly wasn't the most qualified and by this time I was fairly set on moving to Seattle, but this was a last ditch effort. When the interview quickly went down the route of we are not going to move forward with you but just wanted to see what you knew I knew then I was moving. Who knows...maybe if I would have stayed opportunities would have opened up but I just jumped at a chance to experience a new place and a new role and company.

To the land of coffee and Amazon...first stop; a bank!

In my role in Seattle I was finally feeling comfortable about 4 or 5 months in. Moving across the country, making new friends, learning about a city, and learning about a new organization was quite the change and took some time for me to get used to. I think the biggest change was the industry. Many people, later on, would ask me why I chose the financial industry and it's something I never thought about. I think I just wanted a way to get to Seattle and for someone to want an individual like me with a non-tech skill-set I was just smiling from ear to ear. After Amazon had passed on me after flying me over a couple of months prior, I was elated to hear back from another organization and wasn't focused on the industry. I quickly learned that the people, roles, and responsibilities in banking were a world's away from healthcare but I still enjoyed it...even if I may have been the only transplant there and one of the few Northeasterner's there. Heck, I recall within the first month being told I was too loud and expected work to get done too quickly and that wasn't a "West Coast kinda thing" [hands up confusion emoji here].

About a month prior to being laid off my manager (who I rarely met with or had any interaction with and who also left right after the layoffs...hmm) asked me if I was interested in other roles at the company. I didn't think anything of it but apparently the organization was going through changes. I was in complete shock when I was asked to come into his office one morning and was given papers and was laid off. I had moved across the country for what I had thought was an amazing opportunity and now suddenly, 2 weeks after getting a new degree that I thought would propel me to the next level and a week before I had turned 30, I had found myself without a role.

Since May 17th, 2017, I have not held a full-time role and have either been on contracts or unemployed. Some Lyft and Uber passengers tell me that contracting is fantastic and I let them know that it certainly could for those highly skilled and compensated individuals but when contract calls come through all the time for roles at $18 an hour it really isn't an exciting position to be in. Of course, don't get me wrong, many roles do come in at rates a bit higher than that but the majority fall somewhere within that $18 to $20 range and with bills, real life dues, and loans...this doesn't make someone eager to only work as a contractor.

And so begin the contracts...off to Issaquah I go!

After what seemed like an eternity during what at first was FUN-employment but quickly turned to non-stop call and interview dread, I landed a role in the burbs. I first interviewed with them in July and thought I had hit it off well but apparently someone else did better. At least initially...and then they left and I slid back into their minds two months later.

The company was full of kind people and I enjoyed everyone there but the position itself was similar to what I had was in New Jersey. I knew I had wanted more but I also realized I had to pay my dues and it was a shorter contract as I was covering for someone who was pregnant. Heck, there was even a chance that the role would convert! Things were going well until about 3 weeks before the contract was due to end and I received a call from an agency for a role at Expedia! There was an immediate need for someone with leave skills and it was a company that I believed everyone knew and loved so I wanted to make the leap. After one phone screen, in my car on speaker phone none the less, they wanted me.

If I was to leave a bit early I knew they'd be okay as there was also another contractor performing the same work so I believed it would go down well.

My boss was upset.

The agency was upset.

Both asked me to stay on for 3 more weeks and push back the role at Expedia but I didn't want to lose out on the chance. My boss then called me a liar for not staying on for the entire contract length after promising her in the beginning. And yes, I did promise that but plans certainly change and calling your employee a liar is not that kind, right? The agency was upset at me and said they would never work with me again which was upsetting after placing in 3 good months with them but not following through for those extra 3 weeks.

"Oh well," I had thought. A tech company role had excited me and I was off to Bellevue!

3 weeks in Bellevue...man that was quick!

So, the Expedia role didn't go as planned and if you look at my profile you won't even see it on my resume. I realized after all was said and done that it's probably smart to not say yes to a role without having seen the location (hour plus bus rides aren't that fun) and met your boss and team. I sure have done things so well haven't I?

The company was a breath of fresh air and was pretty exciting. I was the only non-tech non-full time person in orientation but it was still a great first two days. It turned out that one of my duties was giving the benefits talk in orientation which was a blast and probably my favorite part of the position. Every department seemed to be abuzz and seemed to be so customer focused oriented.

That is all except mine.

Like many HR departments I have been apart of I had understood that benefits and leave departments don't get the most funding and often are short staffed. Ours was no exception but I still thrive off of customer interaction. I love getting right to a message, a voicemail, an email, and most of all...a face-to-face conversation. Those do indeed rock but it turns out we didn't do that. It turns out that my role was all heads down spreadsheet work that dealt with leave payroll. This was not the role that I was advertised and certainly didn't fit someone as outgoing as me.

Things become difficult when the individual who was training me was out of office for a week and then got sick. I was expected to know everything but had no training on their systems or processes. To make matters worse I just wasn't able to build a rapport with this individual. Every opportunity that I had to make a joke or help them understand my life fell on deaf ears.

The moment that let me know this wasn't the position for me was when an employee emailed me about tuition assistance. This was a fairly standard message and I was eager to answer and hopefully ready to show off for my boss and let her know that I could be counted on. When I asked my boss a question on how to handle this issue I heard something along the lines of, "Oh my God. How rude is that person! They know they aren't supposed to message us...when the forms are in they'll know." This isn't what I expected to hear but I also understand that we are all under stress and my department, like they all have been in the past, was stretched thin. Still, this wasn't the kind of customer service world that I wanted to be in and that, with the commute, and my colleague who never cracked a smile led me back to my recruiter.

My recruiter let me know that my contract that was due to be 6-months but now up by weeks end. I was caught off guard, worried about unemployment again and figured I made the wrong choice by leaving the role in Issaquah, but was also kind of relieved.

A new role and WOW what it a quick turnaround!

It's always a bummer when you can write several paragraphs about a 3 week role and it's kind of odd that I am going to write less about a role that I had loved but that's how the world works sometimes I guess; we are quick to have more to say about what makes us unhappy than happy.

A new role had been presented to me and it finally allowed me to work in recruiting! RECRUITING! YES! FINALLY! After years of being told I was great and a blast of fresh air but didn't have the recruiting skills, I would be able to build upon that area.

The position saw me with a lean and fun organization. I had direct and daily access to my boss and working downtown again wasn't a bad thing. For the first time in my career I think I finally had workplace friends. I learned as much as possible but when I knew the contract was coming to an end and that work was slowing down I knew that it would be over.

For the 2nd summer in a row I would be unemployed. This time I was another year older (duh!) and didn't have my severance like I had from the year before. There would be no FUN-employment portion as I knew the steep mountain I had to climb again. In my head I thought that it may go a bit quicker since all the agencies knew me by now and had my information but it still took until the fall...

Except maybe it didn't have to.

In July of 2017 I had a chance to head to a large software company in Redmond (lol) as a University Recruiter and in fact, I had signed the paperwork with the agency but I said no at the last second. I was being stubborn because I felt that I had performed poorly on the interview and couldn't realize why they would even want me. I recall that morning I had felt horrible and blamed my allergies but then I remember not even feeling safe driving there. From what I recall I was slouched over in the seat and could barely breathe.

I would later find out I had a 102 degree fever and bronchitis.

In my head, and I know I was being foolish, I thought that they couldn't possibly want me after that performance and passed. Maybe the distance and the pay were a factor as well for committing to a longer term contract but in the end I could have been employed earlier but just wound up upsetting another agency.

I guess I became good at something, right?

Finally, Amazon has come calling for a contract!

After countless applications with Amazon directly, screens with them, conversations with agencies about them, and so much more...someone finally wanted me at Amazon! I was pumped! I was stoked! I'd finally get to feel what all my friends worked from being inside a place where innovation was always taking place and moving at break neck speeds. It was back in the world of recruiting and I was going to take this by the horns.

With the amount of consultants there I knew that not everyone gets hired or even gets a chance at another contract so I wanted to make this one count. I had an amazing person over me and had colleagues who I enjoyed seeing and being with each day. I was posting on job boards, tracking applicant yields, and engaging, scheduling, and working with candidates. I wanted nothing more than to be like the other blue badgers (full-time) staff working around all of us contractors who had paid there dues and who had shown value in their work and had someone who vouched for them.

In the end the contract ended early for many of us due to an end in peak hiring season. It came to a sudden end as well finding out only one day prior when others had a weeks notice. I had felt that in only 2 months it was impossible to make a lasting impact or have my name be recalled. In 4 months, I had thought, I would have been able to connect with more, work alongside more, and make a lasting impression with my manager.

But, as I typed above, it came to a sudden end and that was that.

2019: The year of employment? Let's not do 6 W-2's again please?

In my head now, as I enter 2 months post last contract and out of work again, all I can think of are the wrong choices and actions I may have done in my career.

Was it smart of me to leave a stable and loyal company in New Jersey? Would the opportunity have come across eventually? Should I have entertained the idea in the Summer of 2017 to go to Cooper when my old boss had moved there?

How could I have made a more lasting impact at the banking role for them to not let me go? What projects could I have done differently? Should I have told my boss that maybe another department interested me? Should I have fought harder to not get laid off?

How did my performance in meeting those initial agencies come across? Did I come across as someone that they wanted to represent or someone who was bitter about being laid off?

Should I have left the Issaquah role for Expedia? Should I just have dealt with the role at Expedia for a bit longer to learn and grow and give it time to settle?

Why did I say no to that Redmond large tech company? Was that a potential beneficial turning point for me? And what could I have done at Amazon to stand out more?

I guess by this point in time this reads like a 2nd or 3rd chapter in a book from a brilliant entrepreneur who is then going to go on and tell you how they have succeeded and prospered. Well, I don't have that ending yet. I just have so many unanswered questions and find myself hoping that moving forward companies aren't focused on me working too many contracts or having too many gaps in my resume. Hoping that companies that advertise a place to learn and grow truly mean that when they screen and interview. I find myself hoping that I haven't left negative impressions of myself with prior agencies and prior roles and just hope that 2019 will indeed be a year of career growth for me.