Career-Fertility Friction: A Message to Employers

I recently held a masterclass on rebuilding confidence at work. It was specifically targeted at people who have experienced Career-Fertility Friction. Now I know this is an important topic and in my work I find myself interacting with people who agree. Even so, when I launched the event I was naturally managing my own expectations around sign up. But people did sign up, a lot of people signed up. People told me it was just what they needed and at just the right time. My 1:1 coaching work is so important to me and my clients but to see people continuing to download the replay and send me their thanks for the masterclass makes me glad to support a wider group.?

Reflecting on the session, the feedback and conversations I’ve had since, I wanted to write a note to employers about why Career-Fertility Friction is a topic that needs your consideration. I understand that the list of Wellbeing and DEI issues that HR and Leaders need to consider is long and that it can be very difficult to focus on so many things at once. After all, if everything is a priority then nothing is a priority. Some things do need to rise to the top of the list, I know that and as a HR Professional myself I sympathise. But hear me out as to why I think Fertility Challenges in relation to career should be on your list.?

The Numbers

Before I get into how this issue is impacting your people, it’s good to get a sense of how many people we’re talking about. According to the?WHO, 1 in 6 people experience infertility. Back when I was naively not thinking about my own fertility, I had absolutely no idea the numbers were so high. In fact, even when I became a part of that stat I had no clue I was in such a big but unlucky gang. It’s only as I became involved in supporting the TTC (Trying To Conceive) community that I understood how many are impacted. And why would I know when it’s such a taboo subject that we don’t tend to talk about? So that’s 17% of your workforce.

Something else I didn’t know until I had experience myself, was how many pregnancies ended in miscarriage. That’s?1 in 5 according to leading baby loss charity Tommy’s. When you consider the fact that as an employer it’s likely that you will be unaware of a pregnancy before 12 weeks, there undoubtedly will be people impacted by pregnancy loss in your workforce who are suffering in silence.?

I must also stress, this is not just a women’s issue. Infertility can be male factor and the impact on men and their career is the same. Regardless of where the infertility lies in a couple, the stresses, emotional impact and financial burden affect both. The same with pregnancy loss. I have always thought it a great shame that men grieve just as much as their partners but society focusses on the woman’s loss.?

You might note that not included in the stats I’ve mentioned, are the same sex couples who require interventions to grow their families. Plus the single people who also utilise treatment. So before I’ve gotten into exactly how it impacts us, you can see how many I’m talking about. How many people in your organisation are struggling with some fertility related challenge silently??A lot.

Mental Health and Wellbeing

Fertility challenges can be completely derailing, a person could be anywhere on their fertility journey and suddenly realise that they’re struggling to cope. They might notice little things that once felt normal and easy in their lives becoming complex challenges or emotional drains. It can be hard for them to pinpoint exactly when the change happened, but they know they've changed. Like a slow dripping leak that causes untold water damage over time, fertility challenges erode resolve at a pace that is barely noticeable at times. Until the person does notice and then it can be completely overwhelming. Once steady or even fast progressing careers can be derailed by this difficult bit of "life" that people are secretly managing.?

Fertility Network UK and Middlesex University?did a fantastic bit of research (I encourage you to read the white paper) around the impact of fertility challenges.?90% of research participants reported experiencing depression?and 42% experienced suicidal feelings as a result of fertility challenges and/or treatment.?

Why is it so hard on your mental health? I call it the “hope-disappointment-cycle” where you keep having to pick yourself up after crushing disappointment in order to keep going. You do this monthly and when fertility treatment becomes involved, the fall is from a great and expensive height. If pregnancy loss is involved, the fall is devastating. But people keep going because hope is a hell of a drug even when the falls hurt so intensely. Every. Single. Time.?

When you combine the mental health impact of fertility challenges and pregnancy loss with the stresses of work, it’s easy to see that balancing the 2 is difficult.?

Diversity Equity and Inclusion

I pointed out this is not a women’s issue and I meant it, but that’s not to say that fertility challenges are not a DEI issue. There is an intersection between fertility challenges and being a woman in the workplace / a part of the LGBTQ community in the workplace / a person of colour in the workplace / a man in the workplace when the workplace doesn’t recognise fertility as a man’s issue.

When we talk about inclusion, if the workplace is not acknowledging the huge impact that fertility can have on a person’s wellbeing and capability then why should that person feel truly included??

Engagement, Productivity and Capability

As employers who have invested in your people, you want them to be their best selves at work. You want them to give their best and to be bought into what you’re about. I can tell you based on my own experiences and the conversations I have with others that to varying degrees, you are not getting the full bang for your buck (to put it crudely) from your employees going through fertility challenges. Not because they are bad hires, not because they don’t care or because they are in any way “less than”. But because they are human and their attention is split, as is their capacity for stress. Never mind the physical toll of treatment and loss. And they can feel completely isolated in their issues, resulting in lower engagement. 33% of respondents to Fertility Network UK felt career prospects had been damaged as a result of fertility treatment and only 23% felt well supported by an employer.?

It's true that fertility challenges aren’t the only things that can make employees less productive. Bereavement, illness, mental health and other life events can all have the same result. So why call out fertility? Well the point I want to make about fertility challenges specifically, is that they remain so taboo. We don’t talk about them and as a result, we think we’re the only ones. We think our employer won’t understand. We feel like we just don’t know what to do, who to talk to or what to say. It was not so long ago that people felt the same way about mental health more broadly or even menopause. Thankfully mental health is a mainstream conversation in the workplace and menopause is gaining momentum as a life event employers recognise. Whilst we still have a long way to go with those topics, my ask to employers is that you add fertility challenges to that worthy list of “life stuff” that you accept impacts your people.?

What can you do?

Review your policies. I’m seeing more and more employers announcing updates to their policies that talk to fertility. Be it time off for treatment, leave for pregnancy loss and even supported treatments. Reviewing policies to ensure they specifically call out fertility and pregnancy loss is a great place to start. We know that managers and employees find it very helpful to have a policy to lean on when unsure of what to do.?The CIPD has some great advice on this.

It's one thing to have a policy, but do people know about it and is your organisation talking about the issue. Just talking about fertility and pregnancy loss goes a long way toward normalising these life events. Whilst not every employee will want to tell you what’s going on for them, knowing it’s not a taboo topic in your workplace will signal that “this is a safe place to have a bit of life going on”. External speaker discussions, intranet articles and employee resource groups are great forums to leverage.

Diversify your community of leadership and career coaches. Employers who support their people with leadership and career coaches will know the value of these relationships. But how diverse is your community of coaches? Working with someone who can closely relate to a person’s experiences makes for a rich coaching conversation. Not to mention a psychologically safe one, because the coach just gets it. Does your slate of coaches have women or people of colour or people who specialise in fertility/menopause/return to work? There are many fantastic specialist coaches out there and because your people are not a homogenous group, the more diverse your slate of coaches, the better you can support them.?

How I can help

Employers, I’m on a mission. I am determined to make balancing fertility and career easier than it currently is. I help my coaching clients with this on a 1:1 basis and I help corporates with this on a larger scale as a Career Coach and as a Speaker. I’d love to help you on your journey, drop me a note at?[email protected]?and let's talk about where your organisation is at.?