Career Fertility Friction: The Confidence at Work Series. Pt1

If you’re balancing your fertility journey with your career, it’s likely you’ll have experienced some friction between the two. I call this Career-Fertility Friction and it creeps up on you slowly so you’re often not aware of it until suddenly, it’s everywhere you look.?

Like oil and water, career and fertility challenges don’t really go well together. You might not stop your career altogether whilst you navigate fertility challenges and you’re unlikely to stop trying for a baby because of your career. Most people press ahead with both and endure the friction, doing the best that they can.

So can enduring Career-Fertility Friction damage your confidence? Sure it can. I’ve identified three ways you might feel it and you’ll be pleased to know I’ve also suggested some actions and self-coaching questions that you might find helpful.?

1.?????Career on pause while trying to get pregnant

There are a few ways this can happen. It might be that you’ve quite literally stopped working in order to create more space for your fertility journey. This is not that surprising when you consider that?90% of people with long term infertility have feelings of depression?according to a report done by Fertility Network UK and Middlesex University. It’s not uncommon for people need time off sick or even to have a complete career break. Returning to work after any kind of break can cause a lapse in confidence, returning after a break because of the emotional impact of fertility challenges is no different.

Alternatively you might take your foot off the gas because you have a reduced capacity for stress. This can feel like a career pause if your idea of “hard work” is firmly rooted in the way you worked before, when you weren’t juggling fertility too. For some people it’s not just an internal limiting belief though, there may well be an actual external expectation from an employer, manager, peers, clients etc. So as much as you know you need to tap the breaks, there are internal and external voices that can have you wondering if you’re good enough when you do make that choice for you.?

Another pause people can experience whilst trying to conceive, is that you might feel stuck in a job you don’t love because you’re holding out for maternity leave. Changing jobs whilst trying for a baby is scary because of the risk of starting the next role pregnant and falling short of the new employer’s paid maternity leave policy. Doing a job you don’t love for longer than you want to can chip away at your confidence.?

Tips to regain confidence during or after a career pause

The first step to regaining confidence is often accepting the shift in the first place rather than feeling frustrated with yourself. If you were to just tell yourself off for lacking confidence or feel disappointed about it, that’s just more negative self-talk. If you were comforting your best friend in the same situation, you’d use soothing words and say “it’s totally understandable that you’re feeling less confident because you’ve had a little pause at work/shift in working style” and you’d tell them that’s ok, don’t be so hard on themselves.?

There’s also something empowering about really owning the conscious decisions we make. If you’ve chosen to pause your career to make space for something else, well go you! You’re a bad-ass who made a tough choice. You can do hard things and regaining your confidence is one of them.?

Breaking things up into small micro-steps is also a nice way to rebuild your confidence at work. What small step can you take today that will take a little bit of confidence at work? It doesn’t matter what it is, maybe you say no when you would otherwise have said a begrudging yes. Maybe you ask the question in a meeting instead of quietly wondering or waiting for someone else to ask. Maybe you indulge in a bit of self-promotion and talk about your wins. The concept of a micro-step is subjective, the point is that the thing is doable but takes you just far enough outside of your comfort zone that it feels a tiny bit scary. Experiencing yourself doing something scary and surviving will build that confidence back up.

Parts 2 and 3

I will be publishing parts 2 and 3 in upcoming newsletters. You don't have to wait though, head to my website for the full article where you can also download a free accompanying workbook to help regain your confidence.