Career or Family? 5 Considerations

"Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls – family, health, friends, integrity – are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered." - Gary Keller

Don't let anyone make you choose what makes you happy. Learn yourself, determine what you desire of your life, then tell them to get with the program or get the hell out of the way.

Welcome back to Street Smarts, good citizens! Yuh boy just returned from a trip to my hometown of St. Louis, Missouri and let me tell you, family is a 110% reality check! Here I am, living my life as a professor and building businesses (shoutout to Siempre Sports ) in the Bay Area, but returning to my old stomping grounds is always a bittersweet trip to take because there are undoubtedly going to be aspects of the trip that challenge my emotional stability and force me to determine the true nature of every connection I have.

Much like many of you, I love the hell outta my family and I look forward to spending time with them for many reasons. Family will always be the group of people that we share so many intimate memories, laughs, tears, and precious moments with. In fact, many people believe that it should always be family over everything because when it is all said and done--family is all we have. That said, there are plenty of misconceptions about family and what it 'should' mean to us. Some people tell us that we should always choose our family over our careers, and others say that perhaps our families are the reason that we never fulfill the dreams that we set out to accomplish. I have walked this line for decades, and this last trip to the 314 has provided a clarity that I feel inclined to share with you all...primarily because I know how ugly it can get without a bit of guidance and direction.

That said, let's talk about a few considerations when feeling like we have to choose between being a loving family member and being a successful career person.

1. Clear lines create clarity - First off, setting clear lines/boundaries is key to balance for the entire process. By that, I am not saying to cut anyone/anything off for either caveat of life. I am saying that there truly are enough hours in the day for us to have both a loving family life and a fulfilling career in whatever field we choose. The key...is to draw clear lines in the sand and make sure that we are nurturing each side efficiently. It is important that this part comes first, because I can assure you that things will get ugly when either side decides that we are not providing them with enough attention. If we are not direct with our career personnel in making sure they understand how much our family means to us, our family life will suffer. If we are not straight with our family and let them know exactly what our career means to them, our livelihood could be in jeopardy. Set clear lines from the jump, and that will help to smooth out some of these wrinkles before they even appear.
2. Don't let career ruin family - Earlier I was reading an article about workaholism and I came across an interesting quote: "Workaholism is more prevalent than most realize. Studies suggest anywhere from eight to 17.5 percent of the population could be considered a workaholic. A 2023 review of studies pooled the results of available surveys and put the number at a little over 14 percent. Some, however, put the number much higher, as in the case of a 2019 survey where about one-half of the workforce, or 48 percent, deemed themselves to workaholics." Workaholism, or a person who works excessively/compulsively for long hours, can be the nail in the coffin for many of us if we are not careful. I understand that all of us want to 'make it big' and 'be successful,' but we must remember that doing so may mean sacrificing the people that we love...which can be both impractical and unfair. Although we want to have success and eight-figure salaries, we would be fools to think that money and success are the key to happiness. All of us have to be mad careful not to allow our career to ruin our family life, as the consequences could be far worse than we could ever imagine; having all the money/status in the world...with no one to share it with...is a prison that many don't consider until the bars close in around them. Be aware of that.
3. Don't let family ruin career potential - I can't tell you how many times I have watched people short their potential and put their lives on hold due to the fear of not upsetting their families. In fact, I know dozens of people who fit that description and it is incredibly heartbreaking because those people tend to end up resenting everyone in the world. I would caution you, the reader, to remember that no matter who your family is--you can chart your own path and you should not be made to feel bad about the idea of wanting something more than what our families envision. Love is a strange thing because it can single-handedly destroy/dismantle million-dollar dreams and careers--in an instant. Always remember that this life, the one we are living, is ours and we get to choose to live it however we want. If others (like our families) don't understand or support our abilities to live the life we want to live...then perhaps there is more work for them to do on themselves before we take their advice. The complacency of family can sometimes be damn-near cancerous in the way that it slowly drains the life from our being--so find the balance, but don't let family stop you from being the person you want to be with your career aspirations. Whether they understand it or not, remember that the real ones will always support you.
4. Communication is key - I know we have all heard this a lot, and I know it is cliche...but communication really is the key to all of this. I would first suggest that everyone commit to being honest with their families, and ask for the same in return. We must tell family about our struggles as much as we share our wins. We must ask for their help when we need to, and help them when we can. It all comes down to communication because more times than not, much of our problems stem from a simple lack of communication and understanding of all of the factors. We have to remember that families are typically built on more emotion than they are logic...and that means that we have to nurture them with effective communication. Lastly, it must also be understood that not everything will be understood...but we would be best served to do our best in trying.
5. Sometimes you have to choose/save yourself - Aye yo, sometimes we simply have to choose and/or save ourselves. Some of us have wonderful families with healthy behaviors that just need to be molded to reach happiness. For others, our families might be mad toxic or simply unable to allow us to grow/shine...and if that is the case, we have to be comfortable with choosing ourselves and operating accordingly. Not only that, but choosing oneself doesn't necessarily mean that we love our family any less or think any less of them. Instead, it means that we love them enough to let them be who they are, while also deciding to be whoever we want to be in our career. This option is the hardest of all because it may mean we have to walk away for a while, but trust and believe: choosing oneself and deciding to do what is best for us (without being self-centered) is sometimes the most necessary step to our progression. We must do everything we can (within reason) to make it work with our families, but if that doesn't work and the family keeps pulling us back (or blocking our shine), it may be time to skate on them and choose one's own happiness. It won't be pretty, but it may damn sure be necessary.

Listen, I know what some of you may be thinking: this man went back to the city and came back with a vengeance. I promise, that is not the case. I spent many beautiful moments of laughter, dancing, and pure enjoyment with my family (minus losing my phone in the street because of Chase Williams , IYKYK ??)...but I am also incredibly introspective and I understand that if the family x career dynamic is challenging for me, it's probably that way for many of you. Ultimately, we get to decide what happens with our family x career lives, and I believe that we need to be intentional about making sure that it runs as smoothly as possible. Family is love, but love is complicated and therefore...family is complicated. Family is also the nucleus of life for many of us, so let's be sure to protect the nucleus and continue to give our attention to the things/people that fulfill our souls. Better relationships truly do translate to better results (shoutout to Adrian O'Connor ), but in order to be better, we have to be intentional.

Shoutout to my family, holding it down in St. Louis. I love y'all and I hope to see you again real soon! For now, it's back to the grind!

Holla at y'all next week!

-Dr. Savant ??