The Career Advice that Changed Everything
About 6 months after I left my corporate job, I was feeling very lost. There’s a kind of intimate gravity around despair. It draws you in for a hug and then sinks you to the bottom of the ocean.
I signed up for a 60-minute coaching session with a career coach?—?something I had NEVER done before. Moreover, she is famous for being direct and I had heard her challenge people to the brink of tears in interviews. But I wanted a fresh perspective, and I trusted her candor.
So I told her about my work background, and how and why I left. I told her I felt like a failure, and like I was bad at my career.
She said:
“You’re good at your career. It just feels weird because it looks different from everybody else.”
And in a very direct, no-nonsense way, she repeated back to me some of the things I had told her, as evidence.
It was a fascinating moment. Like the world paused, and then pivoted in a very subtle way.
Everything looked a little bit different. And better.
That shift in perspective, the shift in the story I told myself about my career, created a little bit of space. And within that space, the embrace of despair loosened its grip. I floated back to the surface, and took a deep, fresh breath.
I’m thinking about this now, because the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves matter.
You can create a story that weighs you down, or one that serves as a life-line when you’re in unfamiliar territory and finding your way in the dark.
I sometimes still get caught in the gravity of despair, and feel like I’m failing at life. It helps to get an outside perspective. It reminds me that I can change the story I tell myself. That I have a choice in the story I wish to live?—?in who I want to be, and how I want to be in the world.
Sometimes I forget that beating up on myself is not actually helpful. I’m glad to have friends to help point out when I’m being too rough.
There’s a reason I teach self-compassion, and treating oneself with kindness and friendship. It’s something I’ve needed to learn?—?and still need to practice.
Every day.
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Kim Nicol teaches meditation and mindfulness. She’s worked with tech companies, attorneys, and Fortune 500 executives. She’s based in San Francisco and teaches world-wide. Kim is a former attorney.
Her Learn to Meditate program is powered by Lift.
This story originally appeared on Medium.
I help creative and entrepreneurial people and teams develop resilience and greater effectiveness amidst complexity
8 年Love this share, Kim! Very poignant. Completely agree about the stories we tell ourselves that weigh us down.
Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor/Adaptive Trainer and Coordinator for Adaptive Services through the YMCA of Southern Maine at the YMCA of Southern Maine, Casco Bay location.
9 年Great read!
Grow Brave: Liberate Health
9 年"Sometimes I forget that beating up on myself is not actually helpful. I’m glad to have friends to help point out when I’m being too rough." <--- Absolutely. I watch 12 Years a Slave a couple days ago, it was torture to watch that kind of brutality. I was so upset and disgusted things like that happen. That people could be so cruel. My mom watched it with me and later pointed out later an interesting thought. She said, that in some ways, we do this to ourselves and others today. We may not beat with a whip, but we can cause hurt and pain to ourselves and others and how damaging it can be. It was insightful to thing about it that way and how I might apply the lessons from the film in my life.
Assistant Professor @ UConn School of Computing | Director, RIET Lab
9 年So true, Kim. This reminds me of the keynote we both recently heard by Tahl Raz on how the most successful people master the stories they tell themselves about how their past has influenced their lives. The facts may stay the same, but the choice of perspective can make all the difference between, for example, PTSD and post-traumatic growth (cf. https://www.livehappy.com/science/positive-psychology/science-post-traumatic-growth ).