CARE v OVER CARE

Is there such a thing as “over care”? Is it possible that doing something we consider “love” is hurting us?

HOW IT HAPPENS

My generation (never mind how old I am!) has been called the “sandwich generation” for a reason. Too often, we are still raising our kids when a parent becomes ill and needs care. We are forced to balance between the two responsibilities and juggle the work duties that extend into our personal schedules.

Many of us seem to be running depleted lifestyles, without really coming to grips with what is causing anxiety, exhaustion and worry. Along with the things we must do to stay on track with our daily lives, we know we must care about our environment, our community and, maybe when we are finished with all that, we might find time for ourselves.

Moreover, knowing the problem does not necessarily mean knowing what to do about it.

“The world needs our care now more than ever, and these days there is so much to care for – a pet, work, or our family, health and the planet. But how do we deeply care without depleting our energy?

What does it really mean to have balanced care? What happens when that care turns to over care – when we excessively worry, over identify with, or have anxiety about the object of our care? Over care is easy to fall into because of its stealthy way of making us feel that we are caring more when worry is added. This is not the case.

Increasing our genuine care provides a connection with our heart, which promotes flow in our interactions, along with a clearer view regarding our discernment, choices and actions.

However, often our most caring intentions can easily dip into amplified stress and energy drain when things we care about don’t go the way we wanted – such as health, finances, political or personal issues that trigger stress accumulation. We can learn to balance and manage our care to prevent and reduce much stress and associated health concerns." (Doc Childre, founder of the HeartMath Institute).

Childre also says, in Heart Intelligence, “Overcare (imbalanced care), is a deeply imprinted human tendency that’s handed down through each generation. It’s like an energetic virus that can only be cured through conscious self-adjustment of our emotional-energy expenditures."

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS THE ANSWER

What does this mean in practical terms?

Many of us think that if we don’t take on the pain of the people we love, we don’t care. Not true. When we look at what loving someone unconditionally means-it does not include an over -identification of what is going on in their life.

What we must do is to respect their journey, their choices and who they are as they move forward each day. In other words, we must accept their capability to figure it all out without our judgement entering the situation. It can be very difficult to do, but achievable when we intend to do the right thing.

When we can manage to hold space for that person-witness their experiences, listen to what they need, respond in a way that supports them positively and healthfully, then we are being exactly what they need to set themselves free.

Some difficult situations will involve “tough” love -that is - being straight about not enabling destructive behaviour that hurts in the end. When we can manage to “see” the beauty of that person, that their soul or their essence as a perfect energy doing what it needs to do to learn and grow, and imagine him/her living a truly extraordinary life being happy-then we have managed unconditional love for that person. It takes effort and time to see past the facade, but it is so worth the time.

OUR OWN CARE

Balanced care for others also means staying in our own power and strength. We do this by purposefully creating resilience.

A heart rate variability (HRV) practice is the smartest way to bring ourselves into balance. It is simple and yet garners powerful results.

The HeartMath Institute recommends 5-15 minutes per day, 3-4 days per week to improve our baseline. We have a natural default set point that governs the strength of our reaction to events that cause stress. We can change how we react to what launches us into craziness.

Creating heart coherence brings many benefits to our lives-in the moment, and over time: increased clarity, composure and judgement; increased energy and optimism; increased capacity to perform our tasks; better health and a better attitude about appropriate care.

Love and care are what heal the world. So is being personally happy. We then become a beacon of light and strength.

“Care is one of the most powerful heart qualities and life-fulfilling attitudes and emotions we can cultivate. Care is the action word that takes love to the street. Love Is. Care Does. As we all collectively increase our care, this will eventually magnetize the much needed solutions to restore balance, cooperation and compassionate interaction. Peace will then show up accordingly.” (Doc Childre).

As within, so without. Thank you Doc Childre! The world has been blessed by your wisdom.

Connect with me to learn more at: https://powerwithin.ca