Care should be in heart and anger should be in words not in heart

They say I am a very short tempered person. I have often been advised to learn to control my anger and I have tried a lot but somehow I haven't been successful in handling my anger. However, I am fully aware of the fact that when I am angry, I have a tendency to hurt the person who made me angry. I do at times say stuff which have been bottled up but mostly I say stuff which will make sure that the person feels bad and once I calm down, I feel guilty. I therefore usually ask people to leave me alone so that I don't hurt them. Trust me words said in anger can never do any good to anyone. A calm head is the best if you are looking to find solutions.

Anger can turn people into their worst versions. Never ever take the words of an angry person seriously, but at the same time, never ignore. Mostly words said during anger are mostly out of frustration, insecurities, old grudge or sometimes jealousy. As a person if you want to suppress your anger than always remember the people you have hurt most when you were angry ( I mean that's what I do). You must try to avoid communication during such situations, because it never helps whatever you are trying to achieve.

Once you understand that, it probably would be easier to understand someone who's angry, and try to calm them down. Talk to them, make them understand, try understanding why they are angry and make them feel better. (Obviously given that you care about that person) See love them more when they don't deserve because that's when they need it the most. You cannot solve anger by getting angry at that person. But are things said in anger typically truthful or are the just said in the heat of the moment?

If it is said with no forethought, it is almost always exactly what the speaker has been thinking all along. The key is, it has to be on the spur of the moment; we probably all know someone who is just always angry at the world and when you give someone like that an opportunity to vent, they will often say hurtful things just to cause pain, usually with no concern for truth at all. But, if it is said in the heat of the moment between typically cool-headed people, then it’s probably true or at least what the speaker believes to be true.

It doesn’t have to be said in anger either; just catching someone by surprise will usually do the trick, too. I believe that the truth comes out when filters are removed. There’s a saying in vino veritas, which basically means that when people are drunk (which turns off a lot of filters), they speak the truth. I think that is also true of anger. When a person is angry enough to lose their “polite” and “kind” filters, whatever comes out of their mouth is likely to be something that they actually believe.

Humans are, however, capable of believing contradictory things at the same time. So when a person is angry, they may blurt out a truth that isn’t important to them except when they’re angry. It may be a thought they’ve had that they don’t give a lot of weight to compared to their other thoughts on the subject…most of the time; but when they want to hurt someone, it comes out. That’s something to consider when trying to decide if someone “really meant” something they said.

Personally, I tend to believe exactly what people say (especially when their filters are off) and treat them accordingly. Obviously, misinterpretations are a different matter—if someone meant something other than what I thought they did, I will give the whole thing a second look. But if a person states something plainly, but then attempts to walk it back with “I didn’t really mean that,” I will believe what they said to begin with.

Saying something cruel that you know you don’t believe is one of the worst lies imaginable. The only adequate punishment for that person is to be treated as if they believe what they said. Mainly it depends on the nature of the person who is saying in anger. If the speaker is an irascible (quick-tempered) person,then these are just a thing of a moment. There won't be any ill intention behind this.

At one moment they get angry and the very next moment they repent. Such people are less dangerous to have in life. The person on the other side should not feel bad about this and let it go. But if the speaker is an even-tempered or easy going person, then these are the bitter truth. Because they speak out of their heart at that time without thinking about its consequences. The person on the other side is fair to feel bad about it. Such persons can be harmful to a friendship. Cheers!