The care of the relationship

The relationship identifies us and identifies others, places us in time and space, allows us to recognize contexts and our position in the world, gives meaning to events, experiences and life. All the experiences of life, accompanied by the various people who enter or leave it, help us to grow, to make us become more and more mature and responsible people.

The awareness of the centrality of the relationship in every human relationship and, even more precisely, the awareness of the power that the relationship has in generating the quality of our life and the life of the people with whom we relate, places us in front of professional responsibilities, social and ethical, when relating to another person.

It therefore seems quite normal to believe that we should all improve our approach in everyday life, and online, to build and maintain healthy personal relationships.

The socio-economic-cultural model in which we are immersed focuses on aspects (sometimes considered values) such as success, power, performance: all elements that, in order to be ridden properly, overshadow, even if sometimes only partially, the care of interpersonal relationships oriented to build meaningful relationships.

The relationship is nothing more than the construction of bonds that have to do with the experiences lived together, with the common history, with our emotional parts, with feeling welcomed, listened to and respected in our uniqueness and in our being as we are.

I tend to believe that to get to the construction of consolidated ties it is necessary above all to focus on two elements in particular: time and informality.

In fact, it takes time to get to know each other, to understand each other, to experience each other, to put oneself to the test, to go through difficult moments, to celebrate and fix the positive ones. It takes time to understand the different points of view, the different visions of the world, to overcome the thousand automatic fears of the other. It takes time to keep the relationship in order, to prop it up when it crunches, to support it when it evolves, to nourish it daily, to keep it alive even in possible long breaks and separations, to fix the normal cracks that relationships entail, to go through fatigue and the depth of conflicts as a vital experience, to learn to communicate who we really are.

The relationship needs repetitiveness, continuity and gradualness, it does not like haste, superficiality. Without these conditions, it is difficult to create and consolidate the bonds necessary to give substance to the relationship, to build that reciprocity that makes the encounter fertile.

With the term informal I want to refer to attention to small gestures, to details (apparently insignificant), to the awareness that behind any role there is a person.

Precisely from the smudges, from the folds of formal exchanges, from the unexpected events that unblock situations, the conditions are found to be able to work and proceed together, overcome impasse, finally build the first bonds and consolidate them gradually. In other words, it is the awareness that a lot passes through those channels and that the relationship requires first of all, to be effective and lasting, a personal stake with simple but concrete actions, and a good dose of sincerity and authenticity.

Certainly there are no recipes that are easy to consult and apply. But starting from the consideration that every person has a strong need for recognition, he feels the need to be considered, to live in the attention of others, I think understanding, empathy, acceptance, awareness of human fragility and limitations, the will to build a relationship of trust.

Improving one's way of communicating spontaneously, honestly and effectively, without adopting any strategy, is therefore one of the keys to getting to know, being known and having healthy and lasting relationships in every area.

The care of the interpersonal relationship, the work to build, re-establish and consolidate bonds is not a plus, a detail that can be considered or not according to tastes and availability. Instead, it is the fulcrum of our work and our life that we too often forget to cultivate.