Canada Just Handed America Its Energy Independence—And Doug Ford is Too Stupid to Notice

Well, that didn’t take long.

It was only a matter of time before Canada’s political buffoons cooked up a policy so catastrophically dumb that it would single-handedly wreck Ontario’s economy, alienate its only real customer, and guarantee America never needs Canadian energy again.

And here we are.

Doug Ford—the man who inherited his family’s legendary streak of drug-fueled political disasters and decided to run with it—has just signed Ontario’s death warrant by slapping a 25% surcharge on electricity exports to the U.S. His brilliant strategy? Make power so expensive that America just stops buying it.

Ford thinks he’s playing hardball. What he’s actually done is given America the ultimate excuse to replace Canada permanently—and ensure that Ontario’s electricity grid goes from a cash cow to a useless, money-bleeding liability.

Because here’s the thing, Dougie: Electricity isn’t oil. It isn’t maple syrup. It isn’t some rare commodity that America desperately needs.

You can’t hoard electricity. You can’t stockpile it. If someone doesn’t buy it, it’s gone forever. So Ontario, in its infinite wisdom, just made its only profitable export completely worthless. Brilliant work, gentlemen.

Doug Ford: The Strategist Who Couldn’t Strategize His Way Out of a Paper Bag

You almost have to admire Doug Ford’s sheer, unrelenting commitment to being an absolute moron. The man inherited a family legacy of scandal and buffoonery—and he’s managed to take it to new heights.

For those who forgot, Ford’s late brother Rob Ford was the crack-smoking mayor of Toronto, who somehow still managed to be a more competent leader than Doug. Imagine that—a guy who did drug deals while running the largest city in Canada still outshines Ontario’s current premier.

And now, this economic prodigy is picking a fight with America over electricity—as if Canada has any actual leverage.

Doug, buddy… let’s walk through this very slowly, so even you can understand:

1. Ontario generates more electricity than it can use.
2. It needs to sell that extra power, or else it’s wasted.
3. America was your biggest customer.
4. Now you’ve made that electricity too expensive, so America is just going to replace you.
5. And once they do, you’re screwed. Permanently.

This isn’t tough negotiating—this is hitting yourself in the face with a hammer and then demanding an apology from the guy watching.

And Ford? He’s still standing there, grinning like an idiot, thinking he’s won something.

America’s Response? Oh, You’re Gonna Love This One

The best part? Ontario just accidentally kicked off a U.S. energy boom.

Because here’s what’s going to happen:

? America will replace Canada’s electricity. And not just with any energy—we’re going nuclear.

? And where are we putting those beautiful, brand-new reactors? Right on the damn border. From Minnesota to Maine, America is about to light up the northern skyline with the soothing hum of nuclear energy.

? And here’s the kicker: Once those reactors are up and running, America won’t just be energy independent—we’ll have a surplus. And when Ontario finally realizes they’ve screwed themselves, guess where they’ll have to buy power from? That’s right—from us.

And we’ll sell it to them for double.

That’s a tariff.

Canada Just Became America’s Latest Ex

At this point, Canada is like a delusional ex-girlfriend who breaks up with you, storms out of your house screaming, “You’ll never find anyone like me!”—while you’re already swiping through better options on your phone.

America doesn’t need Canada. Canada needs America. And Ontario just ensured that America will never take them back.

Doug Ford thought he was playing 4D chess. What he actually did was flip the board, knock all the pieces onto the floor, and then trip over his own shoelaces.

This was not just an economic mistake—it was an economic suicide note. And when the dust settles, America will be just fine. Ontario, however, will be standing there, confused, wondering how they ended up the dumbest province on Earth.

What Happens Next? Canada Will Beg to Be Annexed.

Here’s my prediction. Five, maybe ten years from now, Canada is going to be so economically gutted by its own leadership that the only logical next step will be to join the U.S.

I mean, why not? They’re already run by American companies, their economy depends entirely on the U.S., and at this point, their leaders are making California’s government look competent. That’s saying something.

Canada has spent years lecturing America about “bad policies” while their own government has run the country into the ground. They’ll mock American politics while electing a drama teacher and a crack-smoking mayor’s brother to run their country.

And now? Their best and brightest minds just threw away Ontario’s only competitive advantage in a brain-dead attempt at economic leverage.

Canada, I have to ask: At what point do you stop electing morons?

Because this was your last shot. America is moving on. And when Ontario’s power grid starts hemorrhaging money, there won’t be a single person in Washington who cares.

So go ahead, Canada. Keep electing the dumbest leaders possible. Keep driving your economy straight into the abyss while America builds the greatest nuclear-powered middle finger the world has ever seen.

And when you finally realize how bad you’ve screwed up? America will be happy to sell you back your own electricity.

At twice the price.

That’s a tariff.

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