On Trusting your Gut - Getting to Know Your Silent Self

Ever had that gut feeling that was bang on, but you couldn’t explain why? Or maybe you jumped at an opportunity that didn’t make sense on paper, but it turned out to be pure gold. That’s your silent self — your inner compass. It’s shaped by your experiences, built to spot patterns, and gives you what you need to act without getting stuck in analysis paralysis.

Freud, Kahneman, and the Iceberg of the Mind

Your silent self is like a loyal, hardworking friend who’s always there, operating deep below the surface. Freud had this whole iceberg analogy — where only the tip of our mind is visible, and the rest is submerged in the subconscious.

Kahneman split the Iceberg into two systems: System 1 thinking, which is fast, automatic, and intuitive (the part of the iceberg below the surface), and System 2 thinking, which is slow, deliberate, and analytical (the tip we can see).

Your silent self is all about System 1 — it’s fast, it’s instinctive, and it’s shaped by everything you’ve been through. But here’s the thing: while it’s great for quick decisions, it’s not always perfect. Sometimes, it reacts based on old patterns or trauma, leading you to do things that don’t always make sense or serve you anymore. You can change that.

Mapping the Depths

The subconscious is just that — subconscious. You can’t see it directly. No matter how good you get at mindfulness or thinking about thinking, you’re really just getting better at spotting the ripples left behind by your silent self. But that’s okay. You don’t need to see the whole iceberg to influence it. You can still give your silent self a nudge in the right direction, even if you can’t see the code that runs it. So how do you do that? How do you start mapping those depths and giving yourself a much-needed software update?

Thinking About Thinking

It starts with getting better at noticing the clues your silent self leaves behind. This is all about thinking about thinking — noticing your emotions, reactions, feelings, and behaviors. It doesn’t have to be some grand meditation practice. It can be as simple as checking in with yourself a couple of times a day. How are you feeling? What’s going on around you? What’s going on inside you?

Do this for a few weeks, and you’ll start to notice things you were unconsciously doing — some good, some in need of a tweak. For me, journaling helps. These days, that often looks like dictating notes into my phone while walking the dog late at night. It’s not fancy, but it works.

Feedback: The Lo-Fi Therapy

Feedback is another way to start noticing what’s going on under the surface. When it’s done well — by someone you trust, someone who’s curious rather than judgmental — it can be like holding up a mirror to your silent self. You’re not looking for someone to tell you what’s wrong with you; you’re looking for someone to help you explore what’s going on beneath the surface.

Coaching and Therapy: Different Tools for Different Journeys

Coaching is great for exploring the journey you’re on and figuring out your next steps. It’s like having a guide who helps you navigate the path ahead. Therapy, on the other hand, is more about recovery — it’s about digging into those old patterns that no longer serve you and rebuilding.

Sleep: The Silent Self’s Playground

Sleep is like the ultimate reset button for your silent self. It’s when your brain gets to process everything that’s happened during the day, filing away memories, clearing out the mental clutter, and making sense of things you didn’t even know you were thinking about.

And then there are dreams. The jury’s still out on exactly what dreams are for, but they seem to be part of how your brain processes emotions and experiences. Some theories suggest dreams help us work through unresolved issues or practice for real-life scenarios. Others think they’re just random brain activity. Either way, it can’t hurt to explore them. Sometimes, paying attention to your dreams can give you a glimpse into what your silent self is trying to work out.

Walking and Daydreaming: Low-Effort, High Impact

There’s something magical about walking — or any low-effort activity that lets your mind wander. Stephen Kotler talks about this in his work on flow states. He says that activities like walking, showering, or even staring out the window can trigger daydreams and creative insights because they give your brain space to connect ideas in ways it wouldn’t when you’re focused on a task.

When you’re walking or doing something repetitive, your brain slips into a kind of default mode — it’s still working, but it’s not working hard. That’s when your silent self can step in and start making connections you didn’t even know were there. It’s like giving your brain permission to play around with ideas without the pressure of having to figure anything out.

Adding Space Between Instinct and Action

Once you’ve started noticing the patterns your silent self leaves behind, the next step is learning to pause before acting on instinct. This isn’t about ignoring your gut — far from it. It’s about creating a moment of reflection before you leap. Ask yourself: Is this instinct serving me right now? Sometimes, the answer will be yes, and you’ll go with it. Other times, you might realize that your silent self is reacting to something old — something that doesn’t fit anymore.This is where mindfulness, journaling, feedback, and coaching all come together. By creating space between instinct and action, you give yourself the chance to choose how you respond — rather than just reacting automatically.

Trusting Your Silent Self

At the end of the day, your silent self is a powerful ally. It’s been shaped by everything you’ve experienced, good or bad and it’s there to help you navigate the world. But like any good tool, it needs maintenance.

By getting better at noticing its patterns, giving it feedback, and adding a step between instinct and action, you can trust your silent self to guide you — without letting it run the show unchecked.

Just always remember to be gentle with it, it is you after all.

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