Can You Truly Know Someone? A Reflection on Understanding and Empathy

Have you ever asked yourself, “Can I truly know someone? Understand them completely?” It’s a question that touches the heart of human connection—and the gaps that often divide us.

“You can never really know someone completely. That’s why it’s the most terrifying thing in the world,” writes Libba Bray, a New York Times bestselling author. Her words remind us of an essential truth: while we can try to understand others, some parts of their experiences will always remain a mystery.

The Puzzle of Human Identity

Psychologists often explain this complexity through the Johari Window Model, which divides our identity into four parts:

• Open Self: What we openly share with others.
• Hidden Self: What we keep private.
• Blind Spot: What others notice about us that we might miss.
• Unknown Self: The parts of us that neither we nor others fully understand.

The Unknown Self highlights a profound reality: no matter how much effort we put in, we can never truly know someone entirely. This idea is further complicated by the Illusion of Transparency—our tendency to believe we fully understand others, even when biases and assumptions cloud our judgment.

Why Misunderstandings Happen

Misunderstandings often stem from a lack of context. When someone acts in a way that puzzles or frustrates us, we might judge their behavior without recognizing the unseen struggles shaping their actions—their Hidden Self. Humans aren’t static; emotions, circumstances, and environments constantly influence how we behave.

In rushing to judgment, we risk creating distance. Voiced or even unspoken criticism can push people to hide their true selves, fearing further misunderstanding or rejection.

The Cost of Misjudgment

Imagine a friend who once shared everything with you but has grown distant. Perhaps they felt judged or unheard, and rather than risk further hurt, they chose to retreat. It’s a situation many of us have experienced—on either side.

As the Goo Goo Dolls sing in Iris, "I don’t want the world to see me, ‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand."

This fear of judgment can erode relationships, leaving interactions surface-level and devoid of genuine connection.

Bridging the Gap with Empathy

While it’s impossible to fully know someone, we can bridge the gap through empathy and active listening. Here’s how:

1. Pause and Listen: Resist the urge to respond immediately. Focus entirely on understanding their perspective.
2. Seek Context: Consider the emotions and struggles influencing their actions.
3. Create Safe Spaces: Foster an environment where others feel comfortable sharing without fear of judgment.

As Celine beautifully says in Before Sunrise: "If there’s any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something."

Final Thoughts

You may never fully understand someone, but the effort to try is where meaningful connections begin. Ask yourself:

• Are you truly listening to others, or are you projecting your own thoughts onto them?
• How can you create space for deeper understanding in your relationships?

Empathy is a skill, and with practice, it can transform how we connect with others. Let’s cherish the magic of human connection and make every effort to listen, understand, and grow together.