Can you tell who you are apart from what you have been through?

Can you tell who you are apart from what you have been through?

Article by Cynthia Chirinda

If you study the habits and traits of highly successful people, and the average or unsuccessful it is impossible not to see clear differences in their habits and thinking. One of the biggest differences lie in thinking and living in the past, or planning into the future.

Can you tell who you are apart from what you’ve been through? Sometimes we allow our past and our backgrounds to define us and confine us. Whilst it is true that what we have been through moulds and shapes us, we should not allow that to define us. I always tell people that I have a very Strong Rural Background (SRB) – some don’t believe me and others find it totally hilarious! I am not ashamed of that background because it is a fact of my upbringing. But this does not mean that I have a “myopic village mindset.”  My rural birth place, upbringing and tough experiences are a critical sovereign foundation in my life which I do not regret it because with each new day I have a clearer revelation of my authentic identity beyond where I came from and what happened to me.

Commit to live in the present

The past is a complex concept, full of things that happened to us and things we chose, places we found ourselves in and places we went to, people who entered our lives and people we gravitated toward. Our pasts are full of highs and lows, successes and failures, dreams fulfilled and hearts broken. To live well in the present requires a wise approach to the past. And that’s not easy. The tyranny of urgency is ever present, and we’re prone to not looking back.

The first unhealthy posture is to live in the past. We can get stuck there, wallowing in where things went wrong and where opportunities were squandered. That makes it easier to get caught in the self-fulfilling prophecy that life is never going to work out. Some also dwell on how good things were in the past; an overly nostalgic longing for what was. When we live in the past, we struggle to live in the present. It’s hard to be content with what is when we are fixated on what was. If clinging to the past is a struggle, I find it helpful to consider: What do I need to let go of in order to move forward?

The second unhealthy posture is to neglect the past. It’s a coping mechanism to avoid the pain, embarrassment or shame of our past. When we forget the past, we’re prone to repeat the same mistakes, fall into the same traps and not grow and mature. The past is a powerful teacher, and we can grow and learn in profound ways from good reflection on what was.  If neglecting the past is a struggle, I find it helpful to consider: What do I need to reflect upon more on my past in order to approach my future with more wisdom?

You can reinvent yourself

One of the most helpful ways to move beyond living in the past or forgetting it is to create a timeline for your life. In other words, visually represent the most important events of your life on paper. Arrange them in whatever manner seems most appropriate. Be creative or be technical. It’s your choice. Then, think of the ordinary and everyday elements of your past that come to mind and represent them on your timeline.

When your timeline is complete, ask yourself:

• What on this paper is holding me back? What do I need to let go of?
• What on this paper is an opportunity to learn? What do I need to let it teach me?
• And finally, what do I need to watch and wait to see what God is going to do with 

There comes a point in your life, at the most unexpected and spontaneous time, that you realize that you can always reinvent yourself.

Your Past Does Not Define Your Future

Release the weight of regret, embrace the freedom of forgiveness, and find yourself with a new, reinvigorated view of what is to come. Realize that we can truly be whoever we want to be, and change however we want to change, but more importantly, we all need to understand this fact: our past does not define our future. Whatever your mistakes, your failures, your shortcomings - they are behind you. Unchanging, unrelenting, and sometimes overpowering. We need only address the first word there though - unchanging. No matter what you do or think or say, no matter the lessons you’ve learned or the hardships you’ve endured, you cannot change what lies behind you. That only leaves what we can change - today, tonight, and this moment. People spend their entire lives shouldering the burden of some past mistake, like a ruined marriage, a lost lover, a failed business venture. We let our past halt our future. Whatever the case may be, the cure is the same: forgiveness.

When you grow up in a dysfunctional environment, the odds of having a great grownup life are against you. But how you grew up doesn’t define your future. You and I have the power to create it. Don’t let past disappointments determine your future life. Nothing you have or have failed to do in the past can stop you from creating a hugely successful future, starting right now. Make the commitment to leave the past behind. You should only use it as motivation to push you forward. You are more than capable of becoming successful, just remember Your Past Doesn’t Define Your Future, believe in yourself and take action!

Cynthia Chirinda is an Organisational and Personal Development Consultant, a Life Coach, Author, and Strategist. Her two new additions to the Connection Factor Collection “The Connection Factor for Leaders” and “The Connection Factor for Women” speak to matters that position organisational leaders and women respectively, to achieve greater levels of success through their strategic connections. Looking at improving your career, personal effectiveness, communication skills, relationships, focus, faith and happiness? Wholeness Incorporated Coaching offers you strategies you can implement today to review your progress and achieve your goals. E-mail: [email protected]. LinkedIn: Cynthia Chirinda Hakutangwi. Mobile: 263 717 013 206.