Can You be Successful and Happy?

We probably know lots of ‘successful’ people. Perhaps you are seen as successful, having accumulated wealth, status, or power. Why is it then that so many successful people are unhappy or unfulfilled? I work with people in this situation every day. I understand them well. I was one of them.

They are people who achieved what they always ‘thought they wanted’ but at what price? At best they find it hard to relax, they have no time to enjoy what they have worked for and feel pressure in their personal lives. At worst, these successful people have relationship failures, burnout, disillusionment, and feel trapped in their successful lives.

If you are driven, smart, and talented it is relatively easy to be successful. You can probably be ‘successful’ at whatever you do.?

Are you a success addict?

Achieving our idea of success can become a form of addiction. It feels good, to begin with, and we want more of it. I remember the first year when I felt my career had really taken off. My income quadrupled in a year. I could buy the car I wanted. I could move to that bigger house and head-hunters were beating a path to my door. For a young man with a deep need to prove myself that was very intoxicating, and it drove me relentlessly on for many years.

I achieved things that my young self could never have dreamed of. The houses, cars, holidays, status, power. Never having to worry about money. Yet, just like the substance addict, the success addict that I had become felt that whatever I achieved was never enough.?The reality was that I was addicted to achieving what I thought mattered. I wanted to prove all those doubters in my childhood wrong. The teachers who said I would never amount to anything, the coaches who shattered my dreams.?

It took being seriously ill for me to realise that I needed to break this addiction. Big life events like that make us stop and think about what ‘success' looks like.?

I didn’t want to stop being successful. I just had to change my view of what success was. Doing this allowed me to change my direction. I took time to understand exactly what made me happy and what I really wanted. People I knew thought I was mad. How could I work away from a ‘successful’ career with all the trappings that went with it? How could I take that kind of risk?

What if we could enjoy our success?

I had a simple epiphany. I had not been happy in my work for a while but even being unhappy and unfulfilled I was still able to be well rewarded and deliver great work for my employers and clients. So, my realisation was this

“If I could be successful doing something I no longer had much passion for, just how successful could I be doing something I loved?”

There is a huge body of evidence that shows happier people are more successful. There is lots of evidence that shows happier people are healthier and of course, they are far better people to be around.

So, I finally discovered that I could be successful and happy. I did not have to be successful at the expense of happiness. Doing what I love doing would make me even more successful and create a sustainable future for me. Of course, it took time, and it took a lot of courage to do what I wanted rather than what others expected of me. There were challenges to overcome but I was able to overcome them because I knew what I needed to do.

So many successful people I know feel trapped or simply do not know where to turn. Being in the corporate world can make people very dependent. How many people do you know who are thinking about how they see out the next 10 years until they can secure their pension? What sort of a way is that to live your life? We are a long time dead. We are a long time in work. So, if you are a ‘successful’ person the last thing you want to be doing is treading water. You know how to be successful in something that doesn’t ‘fire you up’ so imagine what you can achieve when you feel that passion in your life?

So,??how do begin to find what you could do differently? There are plenty of books out there on this subject, but I wanted to share with you the key points on Finding Your Why that I outline in?my Amazon Best Seller ‘Bye-Bye Anxiety. Your 4 Steps to Greater Confidence, Calmness and Contentment.

Just to be clear, for many people the changes required may be subtle. It can be about adjusting how we work and live rather than going to start a whole new career or totally changing direction.

1.????Think about and then write down the things that make you happy.

What did you love doing as a child or as a young person before you had all the responsibilities you have now? What were the characteristics or themes of those things that you were so passionate about?

Then think about the things that give you pleasure now. Or think about tasks in your work that you do really enjoy. What is it about those aspects of work that you really liked? What are the ‘golden threads’ that make you become passionate or more animated than normal?

Even if you are in a job that you hate, think about aspects of the job that you do enjoy. Maybe you hate upward management, but you love developing and coaching people. Maybe you hate administration, but you love being creative.

2.????What do people say you are great at??

What do you think you are good at? Even more importantly what do the people who know you well say you are good at? These are your gifts. The things that come easily to you.??You may be good at these things because you have had a lot of practice. You may be good at these because it is something that you enjoy. Write these things down!

3.?????What things in life do you do for free??

Maybe you teach kids how to play a sport. Maybe you run a Scout Group. Maybe you volunteer for a Charity. If you are doing this for free it is certain this is an activity that you love.?

It may not be feasible for you to become a professional sports coach or a paid Scout Group Leader. However, you can identify what it is about this voluntary work that gives you satisfaction. Is it the teaching? Is it the culture, or is it the values? Is it working with children? Write these things down. By combining your skills and your passions you can find something that you will enjoy and be good at.?

I am sure that many of you who have been working a long time found yourselves in jobs or careers for one or more of the following reasons

1.????It just happened. It was not planned. You fell into doing something.

2.????It seemed like a sensible thing to do. Your parents, teachers or you felt that this was a sensible and safe career path to take

3.????It was all that was available to you.??Everyone in my town or my school went to work in this field

Do those scenarios sound familiar? Most people ended up doing what they do for at least one of these reasons.??You maybe grew up in an age where you had fewer options than exist today. Your parents or teachers probably saw job security or a ‘safe’ career as the most important guidance they could give. They grew up in an age of scarcity, so this was very logical thinking, and it was good advice at the time.?

However, we now live in a different time. We have a much more diverse economy. We have careers in fields that never existed before. We can work remotely. We live in an age where people have ‘everything’ but what they really yearn for is purpose or fulfilment.

Build Yourself a Job or a Role Description

You have all seen those job descriptions that are asking for the impossible? A long list of qualifications that is more like a wish list. Now it is time for you to turn the tables. Write down your own wish list. What is it that you need in a job??

Several years ago, I was on the shortlist for a huge promotion that would have put me on the board of a major company.???However, on the day of the final presentation, I totally froze and blew it!?

At the time I was devastated.??However, looking back now I can see that it was not the right job for me and I had subconsciously blown it for a reason.??I liked the idea of the promotion and everything that went with that. It fed my addiction to success. The reality was however that this job would have taken me away from doing the things I loved doing and the things I was good at. It would have involved spending a lot more time doing things that I hated.?

I loved being with customers. I loved seeing the big picture opportunities. I loved working with my team in the field. I enjoyed mentoring my team. I liked the variety. This job was very internal. It would have involved constant upward reporting, lots of internal meetings and global conference calls. It would have involved lots of internal politics with people I found difficult.??I would have hated it and been very unhappy doing it.?

In the fallout of this, my manager was incredibly supportive. She was surprised and disappointed at how I totally flunked the interview.??She had backed me to take on this role that she had been doing. She could see that I was upset. She really valued me however and recognised my strengths and value to the organisation.???

She said to me “Jon, why don’t you write your own job description.??Tell us what you want to do.”??I was flummoxed by this. I thought at the time that this was just some sort of ‘fob off” to placate me. I had been conditioned to only see success as having the top job in the hierarchy.

Now I can see that this was wonderful, enlightened management and was an open door for me to get what would have been a much more fulfilling and sustainable role. It would also have been great for the company because I was just what they needed. I was a challenger, a different thinker, and a driver of change. I could see the issues they were heading towards while they were all heads down in operations.

Sadly, I was in a place, maybe from conditioning, to believe that success looked like getting that promotion, climbing the corporate ladder until you get to the top rung. The reality is that the top rungs of that ladder are precarious places, what’s more, there are people all around trying to knock you off that ladder. The guy who got the job lasted less than a year.?

So, whatever your situation right now, write down your ideal Job Description. If you are in a role that you have become bored with maybe, you can define a role that will keep you in the organisation (or even make the same job more rewarding). If you are at the beginning of your career, write down your skills, your passions and what people say you are good at. Make that the basis for deciding what career or job you will be happy and successful in.

If you are looking for a career change do the same thing but add in the experiences that you have gained so far. This will help give you a clear view of not just what you want to do but also how you can utilise your previous experience to give you a head start in your new career.

For example, if you are currently a middle manager in a large company but you decide that you want a total change and are thinking about retraining to be a counsellor or a therapist, why not specialise in helping people in middle or senior management who have lost their mojo? It will make you relevant and give you a clear niche to focus upon.

Too many people who want to make changes in their life focus only on what they are escaping. They hate the job so much they just want to getaway. However, to avoid just repeating the same mistake with your next job you really need to ensure you understand what it is you want.??When you combine what you enjoy, what you are good at and what you have experienced your future direction becomes much more obvious. Most importantly it becomes achievable.

Happy people are more productive. They are better to be around. They are less likely to be sick and are significantly less likely to have a burn-out or a breakdown. It’s better for you. It’s better for your employer and colleagues.

Jonathan Butler is a Mindset Coach, RTT Therapist, Best Selling Author, and Motivational Speaker. He has developed a Unique Mindset lead coaching Program called BOOST Performance Coaching? to help people achieve their potential and enjoy their ‘success’

www.boostperformancecoaching.com

www.myfitmind.co.uk

#performancecoach #mindsetcoach #RTTtherapist