Can you really love a new friend after a week?

Hell to the yeahhhh! On the Island you can. Keep reading for my most recent thoughts.

It's been a while since I posted about my life in the Azores and an even longer time since I sat down with my laptop to do some free writing. But today, sitting in my new favourite workspace by the water, the sun shining, my new beaming housemates smiling at me and my new bestie for evz sat opposite me, I had a thought:

Can you really grow to love someone after a week?

I think there are three main factors that can make me friend-fall head over heels for someone.

1. Fun
2. Proximity
3. Momentum

My first love was called M.

The first friend I consciously fell in love with happened back in April. During the biggest music festival on the island, Tremor, (an absolute belter of a party for anyone curious), I met a lady we shall call M. M is a friend of some friends from Porto who joined a group of friends of friends.

She was close with one of the group, and tangentially close with the rest of them. I was very close with two of them, and also kinda close with the rest. We met; partied every day together for a week and before I knew it... There was infatuation in the air. It was arguably the first time I saw the three factors fell appetisingly on my plate:

1. M is straight up hil-a-ri-ous and we laughed at everything. This is critical for me, I cannot be surrounded by people who take life, situations and adventures too seriously. 'the fun box' definitely ticked. Tremor, amazingly, was the first music festival I ever went to and also the first time I 'felt fun', rather than 'just had it'. It was an incredibly eye-opening experience and one I'm learning to repeat with more frequency. Amen!
2. We were at a music festival. We knew that we would see each other every day and that meant there was trust and frankness in our conversations which allowed us to develop bonds faster than normal. It was worth my while opening up to this person because I felt I had time to explore our friendship, and proximity was something worth developing. Small talk is necessary, but when you feel safe to skip past it quickly because you want to know more, that's a good sign! I think I only really learned that this year, and I find this quite hard to believe.
3. Momentum! Perhaps my biggest 'spiritual', 'life', 'relationship' learning of the last 6 months. Once 1 and 2 get rolling, and there's no real reason to stop it, things spiral beautifully out of control and you can allow yourself to become enveloped in the energetic forces of 1 and 2. It is in many ways a combination of the first two factors, but it is the most important - it's the one I believe leads you to 'fall in love' with new friends.

Sweet confirmation bias

Call it confirmation bias, but this has happened many times recently on this island. It happened with one of my housemates, it happened with a friend I was friendly with and now very friendly with (indeed, I consider her to be one of the dearest people I have in my life and I've known her for less than a year!) and it's happened again with another friend, one I've known for about 2 weeks...

Sometimes it can be confusing, and sometimes 'friend love' overspills into the neighbouring category of love love (as I found out rather shockingly in July... lol... the whims of young love -- oobladi, ooblada, life goes on!) and it can hurt. But I think ultimately, learning to be present with new people you meet and open to the fact that sometimes you meet people and just simply, really get on with them is an amazing blessing.

Sometimes though, it leads nowhere.

Sometimes your gut tells you one thing but circumstance doesn't allow it to become concrete and manifest... but here is where the Island Factor comes in!

The Island Factor

You see... for me, the thing that gets in the way of this magical physical embracing of friendship in a big city is Life. Life with a capital L. not life life, not life in the sense of living, but Life in the sense of 'logistics', 'distance', 'calendars', 'commitments' and 'compromise'.

Living in a city means commuting, balancing friendship circles in North and East London and knowing it will take you an hour and a half to get between them (you can't really drive an hour and half on the Island... you'd be in the sea!). You see? When you meet someone and have 'the feeling'... Life gets in the way because you're so busy. You don't have the clock-time or the emotional space to welcome them into your reality.

Here, you do. In Ponta Delgada, you'll sit in the same bar. You'll go to the same beach. You'll know the same people. It's harder to not see them than it is to see them.

The everydayness of living in an island means new friendships escalate QUICK! You meet 'em, you see 'em again and repeat.

I'm convinced that this is why it's happened so much to me here, why I've successfully become so aware of the processes involved in getting to know people and why I feel so exceptionally grateful to have the friends I have in my life. I get rewarded for my inner work by being able to see people who make me smile everytime I see them and that, my dears, is pretty f(cking great. When I move back to Porto, which I think will be my next move, I look forward to bringing this wisdom with me across the Atlantique.

Notice your excitement

We're thinking beings, but we are also feeling beings. I think I've learned over the last year that for much of my life, I'd overthought many friendships and relationships with fellow human beings. So often, the signs are there from the beginning and this is reflected by physical sensations, be it tingles or vibrations of joy! But you need to be present. It's what every teaching tells us. It's what I'm trying to work on more and more because I really like what it's bringing me, and let's be honest...

It makes for very fun, philosophical reading. A foolish lil' 26y.o having fun on an island in the middle of nowhere.

To many more 'friend first dates' and cheers to nearly completing a year on the island!

It felt great to write this, and hopefully, I'll try to carve some more time to share my thoughts.