Can You Really Have it All?

Can you really “have it all”? The self-development industry has been preaching for years that if you want it enough, you can have it all. But how often do you see that actually happening in people’s lives?

Is it reasonable to expect you can have it all? The answer is “No,” “Maybe,” and “Yes!” Stay with me. I will explain what I mean.

No... I have had the privilege of addressing and coaching thousands of individuals around the globe. The evidence is clear—what people think they want and what they really want are very different. In a recent program I conducted, many mature middle-aged individuals were simply at a loss at what to say about what they really wanted to be or do. If you are uncertain or confused about what you really want, you can’t have it all.

Maybe... Others think they know what they really want, but are living lives that other people think they should. Self-help, hype-driven seminars influence people into believing that what they are selling is what people need to have it all. Those people are being led down someone else’s path, not their own.

Order is not pressure which is imposed on society from without, but an equilibrium which is set up from within. 

José Ortega y Gasset (Spanish Philosopher and Politician 1883–1955)

How many people continually embrace new network marketing opportunities and fail miserably? They mean well and sincerely want a better life; they believe the new product or company will be their vehicle to having it all. Please don’t misunderstand me. There is not a lack of opportunity in that industry; rather, there is a chronic lack of alignment between purpose and source of motivation. 

We often see this lack of motivation when the next generation takes over the family business. Unless there is personal alignment and passion between the person and the enterprise, he or she will not succeed or have it all. 

Engaging in a steady activity or enterprise that you hope will put you in a position to actually do what you really want to do in the long term will likely result in failure. In this case, maybe you can have it all, but don’t count on it.

Yes! The first step to having it all is to be clear. What you are doing in all areas of your life should be exactly what you really want to do. A (small) percentage of individuals are moving toward that goal. I have outlined all of this information in a detailed process in my book, The Quest For Purpose A Self-Discovery Process to Find and Live It!

Our first assumption is that everyone is created for a reason and each one of us has gifts, talents, abilities and interests that are part of our birthright. Our interests attract and compel us.

• We should not require external motivation to engage them.
• Our interests apply to all areas of our life—from friends, family and learning to health, recreation and career. 
• e.g., If we enjoy being out for dinner or playing games with our good friends, do we have to be forced to go out? Of course not. 

This attraction principle applies to all areas of our lives.

In The Quest For Purpose, I outline how you can confirm—or discover—your purpose and what you are attracted to in all areas of your life. 

“Having it all” is defined by the individual. The only person qualified to determine when and if you have it all is you. No one else. So, confirming your purpose and passions is critical. 

Here are comments that might shock some: 

1. True balance in your life will come only when you are activating all your core interests simultaneously.
2. If you omit something that is important to you, you don’t have it all.

Think about it for a minute. 

• What if you have everything but your health?
• What if you have a great career but your family is falling apart? 
• What if you love to golf but never get out on the links?
• What if you love to learn but have not engaged new learning lately?

To exercise control over the “Yes!” process, I recommend taking baby steps. You determine the amount of time and energy you will apply to each element of your life. Balance—and having it all—is about determining the actions, steps and time required to keep you moving toward your vision.

 Here are the components of the Source Wheel, a major feature in The Quest For Purpose process. Your response and confirmation in each area will become your GPS for your life—a roadmap you can follow.

1. Your Master Life Purpose (includes career and calling)
2. Family
3. Relatives
4. Friends
5. Learning
6. Spirituality
7. Public Policy
8. Social Life
9. Recreation
10. Athletics and Health
11. Financial Portfolio (outside of salary) 
12. Community Service
13. Self

Except for your financial portfolio, having it all has little to do with a new car, TV and other material items. It is about your becoming, doing and having a lifestyle that reflects your gifts, talents and interests. The Quest For Purpose and the following CRG assessments will assist you to have it all: Values Preference Indicator, Self-Worth Inventory, Personal Style Indicator and StressIndicator and Health Planner.

Can You Have It All? Summary

Can you “have it all”? The answers are “No,” “Maybe,” and “Yes!”

• NO: If you don’t know what you really want, you can’t have it all.
• MAYBE: If you think you know, but have been deceived into embracing ventures/directions that are not truly yours, you will have some success but you won’t have it all.
• YES: The first step to having it all is knowing what you really want in all areas of your life.

Can You Have It All? Action Steps

Follow the action steps below so you can have it all according to what you want:

1.   Be completely attracted to and engaged in all your areas of interest.

2.   Simultaneously activate all areas of your life. Otherwise, you will be out of balance.

3.   Keep in mind the following life components: your Master Life Purpose (career and calling), family, relatives, friends, learning, spirituality, public policy, social life, recreation, athletics and health, financial portfolio (outside of salary), community service and self. 

4.  Use baby steps in each area to help move you forward.

5.   Read The Quest For Purpose, which outlines the steps for you. It provides a complete roadmap for having it all. Available at www.thequestforpurpose.ca

6.   Use the following CRG resources to contribute to your clarity: Values Preference Indicator, Self-Worth Inventory, Personal Style Indicator and Stress Indicator and Health Planner.

7.   Rethink your idea of having it all—it’s not about arriving at a specific destination, or much about material things. In the end, a new flat-screen TV will not provide you with fulfillment in life. Having it all is about your being on the journey in real time—doing and becoming everything for which you have been created and to which you are attracted.

8.  Remember: You are the one who defines and activates the “all” in “having it all.”

Until next time,

Keep Living On Purpose

Dr. Ken Keis