Can you hold the lines?

Why do they say, that our "inner circle" is about 10 people? Or that it is about 150 people that we can truly be connected with? And why there are people who (seem) to prove that this is not the case? Let's have a look at these questions, and reveal the secret of those "super people"!

Have you ever though, how many connection lines our brain follows in a group of people? One-on-one there is one line, right. Ten-on-ten the volume of lines is already 45. Just think about having on your hands 45 different lines which all you need to monitor. When to group size grows to 15, the volume of connecting lines is 105. This means that nobody can truly cover the entire team. In practice this actually leads to the point, where a team of 15 will include two sub-groups! Which can lead to major challenges for the leaders and for maintaining the wanted culture.

In work context there are nine different areas, which we people follow up (mostly subconsciously). These are decisiveness, motivation, influence, adaptability, empathy, conscientiousness of processes and structures, conscientiousness of rules, stress level and expressing emotions. So, even you are just discussing with one person, your brain is monitoring all these areas. When there is a group of people, your brain will lose ability to be "on-top" of everyones all elements. You are more likely to notice only those, which are more powerful on each individual. So you are likely to make poor judgements of people and about collaboration ways.

But why we sometimes meet people, who seem to master connections with hundreds, or even with thousands of people? Is it because we are so terrible in our own skills? Or are they some kind of "supermasterminds"? The answer is fairly clear, those specially skilled people master three things:

1. they have trained their skills in remembering name and face connection
2. they are, within the meeting moment, focusing on you and giving you the feeling of appreciation. They do this through listening more than talking. They are good in building thoughts and discussions based on what you share with them
3. they are authentic and not trying to play any role. So your brain gets no distracting signals from the communication

So, the number of people we can, and should even to try, to keep in our inner circle is limited. We might have a couple of different inner circles, like family, work or hobbies. In order to build great relationships you should think who are tho people who really belong to your circles? This should be based on mutual support and collaboration. Not on the other person's will and interest to get something from you, exploit your resources.

The second skill, you can master, is focusing on the person at hand. Listen more than talk. Focus truly on one person at a time. We often get distracted (it's our brain wanting to ensure that we are safe) by people around us. So, the one person we should be focusing on, gets the feeling that we don't remember them or are not really interested in them. Practice focusing, and you will see how you will get more respect and commitment from people.

The third one is being authentic. Being authentic means that you "stand in the middle or yourself". Not trying to be someone else. You are assertive in your communication. You don't put others down, you don't put yourself down. You accept that we are different, and that all are important and valuable. Nothing more, nothing less.

If you want to get the a higher level, get to know what your emotional intelligence structure is. As you know yourself better, then it is easier to understand others, to connect with them and also to get them to support you.

Did you find this insightfull? Great, you might want to order my weekly letter. And, perhaps there is someone else, who might find my content useful, share this with them too, thank you!

Have a nice week!