Can you have it all?

Is it possible to balance work and motherhood and truly have it all? This is a question that many women face today. While society tells us that we can have a successful career and a happy family, the reality is often more complicated. I do believe it is possible to have it all, but it may not look exactly like the dream we had as little girls.

Back then, you might dreamed about making an impact, a difference, changing the world and also, finding your Prince Charming, having kids and living a meaningful life. And then you grow up, you follow the master plan, you indeed get a great job, you meet someone, have a family, you have everything you ever wanted, but there is reality knocking on the door: you are not enjoying your life as much as you imagined because you are stressed out and overwhelmed by the trillion tasks waiting for you at work and at home.

You may appear to be doing great on the surface, but you don't have time for the most important: to enjoy it. To slow down, to be in the moment. To figure out what could be the next step in your career, to focus on an old dream. To get promoted or to become a yoga instructor. To be carefree and easy like Sunday mornings - not just on Sunday mornings.

Instead, life becomes an endless rat race, chasing the tasks and responsibilities, trying to make everyone happy: fulfilling the kids' needs, making your employer satisfied, and taking care of the household as too often, your husband is too busy or too exhausted after work. But what about you, what about your needs and your well-being?

For me, having it all means more than just ticking the boxes. It means having the time, space, and energy to truly enjoy life and be present - that is what having it all means, but your own happiness can't be another low-priority task on top of everything, on the contrary, it should be the foundation, saying that if you are well, and if you feel that your life is inspiring and you wake up every day with energy and motivation, that is when you will be great at your job and you will be able to be a good enough mum.

So, what is the secret to having it all, including enjoying your life?

There are some tools and strategies that help you to organise your life in a way that you have time for everything that matters, but it is not just about organisation and time management, it is way more, it is learning to organise in a way that is sustainable, that will be part of your mindset, it will become part of who you are - that is what we work a lot with my clients, to ensure that they believe that they have the right to prioritise themselves and that they learn how to say no to their managers in order to have space for what is important. But let's see what are some key steps to have it all.

1. You can't have it all by doing it all

It's understandable that you have a lot on your plate with all your work tasks and family responsibilities, and I am sorry but I am here to tell you that it is impossible to fit in everything and it's impossible to do everything on your own. The good news is that you don't have to.

Working moms often struggle with not having enough time, so it's crucial to involve your husband and support system to create more time for yourself. I know it sounds easier said than done, that is why it is so important to learn to communicate assertively with your husband and get him on board to take his share, to understand each other's point of view - again an area where specialised coaching can help a lot and I believe that creating a good support system worths all the energy and time investment.

Besides that, what additional help can you get? How do you feel about outsourcing? There are certain tasks that you can easily outsource with some logistics - for example, cleaning is one of those, or you can create a community of parents and share the school pick-up and drop-off responsibilities. You can automate some stuff, for example, you can do your grocery shopping online. Every family's situation is unique, but there are always options to explore to ease your workload and involve more help from your environment.

2. Focus on the things that matter

You want to finish the laundry quickly after an online meeting, but you know that you are already late to pick up your kids and you just have no clue how you could fit everything into 24 hours? You would love to exercise, you would love to cook something healthy, you would love to wake up early to have enough time in the morning, but you spent a couple of hours scrolling on social media to disconnect after bedtime and there you are, waking up exhausted again so this is another day just to get through.

And you feel like a failure because you have just seen how other corporate mums have it all figured out, how they have time to bake vegan sugar-free, gluten-free cookies every morning and post about leadership on LinkedIn and no one complains or admits how hard it is.

Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on what you can do to make your life easier by focusing on the essentials. Yes, I know that you would love to accomplish all those mentioned above, but what are the things you are ready to let go of, maybe for a while? Where can you lower the level and accept that it won't fit into your life right now? What are the areas where you could gain some efficiency?

To bring in some ideas, maybe this is not the time when you will have a perfectly clean home or there will be occasions when you travel for work and you are actually happy about it, so it will be someone else picking up your kids or putting them to sleep.

It's important to make choices that work for you and your mental health. Remember that you're doing your best, and that's all anyone can ask for.

3. Expectations

Working mothers are expected to work as if they had no family and they are expected to be the super mums who have no professional career. So we are set up for failure as this is an unrealistic expectation that no one can meet, not even a superwoman.

That is wrong with expectations, that there is always a huge gap between reality and expectations, and that gap is the land of frustration and stress.

To avoid this, we can try to change other people's expectations of us, but first, we need to set realistic expectations for ourselves. Consider your own expectations as a working mother. Are they realistic? If you're not sure, think about a friend or your husband in the same situation. Would you expect them to accomplish everything you have in mind? If the answer is no, then you may be expecting too much from yourself.

Once you identify these unrealistic expectations, you can ease the pressure on yourself and realize that being a good enough mom and employee is still possible by delivering less.

4. Learn to say no

Let's mention boundaries as well. Women are often socialised to be good girls and please others, we are raised to seek others' approval and that is one of the reasons why it is so difficult to say no. Because what will happen if I say no to a new task at work, if I don't go on that business trip or if I dare to have some me-time for myself when I am exhausted and I need it?

However, it's important to remember that your time is valuable and you have the right to decline tasks without feeling obligated to provide an explanation. Simply saying "I would love to, but I can't. Maybe next time" is sufficient. It may take some practice and consistency to establish boundaries, but it's worth it. Initially, others may be surprised or even upset as we all want to keep the actual setup and avoid changing the dynamics, but that is just how we humans function - you just keep going and practise saying no.

5. Flexibility

I don't need to explain to you how much flexibility is needed for a working mum. What options do you see for yourself to gain more flexibility? What would make a difference for you and what do you need to achieve it?

Very often this is the point when my clients bring up some ideas as if they were impossible. Like they want to work as a part-timer, or with a flexible schedule or spend more time working from home, but it would never happen. Corporations can still improve in the area of supporting working mums, but there are a lot of options available to significantly improve your situation and make logistics easier. If you don't ask for them, you will never get them. I worked with so many women who thought asking for what you want happens only in the movies until they finally knocked on the office of their manager and asked for what they needed and got positively surprised at how easy it was.

In the long term, it is also worth considering working for employers who support mothers with those options, so if you are playing with the idea of changing your job, investigate the company if it might already have a 4-day-a-week work program or what are the options it could offer for parents?

Again, it is a mind monkey in our head that we should be happy with whatever the companies offer and work twice as hard as others to prove that as a mother we can give in as much value as people without kids or a father. No, your worth is based on hard work and your talent, and companies are willing to facilitate the conditions if you find a way to be visible.

I hope these tips helped you to get some insights and align better motherhood and work.

What do you think, which tip would be the most beneficial for you?

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