Can You Handle the Truth?

Forget Sponsors and Mentors, Find Your Truth-Tellers?

It’s standard advice to seek out mentors and sponsors, but this leaves out the most important group of advisors in our career corner: our truth-tellers.??

As I was preparing to deliver a speech a few years ago, I sent my first draft to a colleague for feedback, expecting to receive a couple of redlines, maybe a corrected grammar nit or two. Instead, he wrote back, “Sorry, but this sucks. Your intro is way too long, and I can’t figure out your main point.” My face flushed hot and defensive excuses quickly raced through my mind, as I readied myself to deflect his critique. I re-read my draft to strengthen my planned counter-response, only to realize he was right. Since then, I’ve sent him the rough drafts of every speech I’ve written.??

Truth-tellers are people who care about you enough to be truly honest and share actionable feedback. We’ve all heard generic responses when we ask for feedback, “You were great. Wouldn’t change a thing.” Nice to hear, but ultimately not very useful for helping us improve.??

Ideally, our direct supervisors play this role, but some are not skilled at having difficult conversations or providing feedback, leaving us to seek out truth-tellers from our inner circles. The criteria is simple: someone who can observe you at work (in a meeting, delivering a presentation, interacting with others), whose opinion you value, and who preferably doesn’t report to you.?

Be One to Know One?

One way to find a truth-teller is to first volunteer to be one for someone else. That doesn’t mean unloading unsolicited feedback on an unsuspecting teammate. Start with, “Mind if I share a few observations from that meeting we were just in?” And include why you’re making this effort, which is ultimately that you genuinely care about their success. Then, you can ask them to return the favor.?

Honesty Is Not Easy?

Even when you give others permission to be honest, they might still hold back, sugar-coating their critiques so much that they sound like compliments. In these cases, I offer self-criticism first, hoping they’ll feel comfortable letting me have it. For example: Did it seem like the audience got distracted halfway through my speech? Maybe I should have had more energy or maybe the example I used was too confusing? This approach opens the door for feedback, encouraging my counterpart to agree, disagree, or suggest other improvements.?

I’m not sure what would happen if honesty was actually everyone’s policy (it’s kind of a scary thought). But for me, even though it’s sometimes painful, the harder the feedback is to hear, the better it is for my growth and the more I ultimately appreciate it. Especially when it comes from someone who cares about me enough to speak the truth. ?