Can you Accept a Compliment?

When you walk into the office, and someone says, “You look nice today,” what do you think? Do you think – “What did I look like yesterday?” or “What do you want?” Then, what do you say? Do you say, “Thank you,” or do you try to slough it off as if it were nothing?

Statistically, two out of three adults suffer from low self-esteem, low self-confidence. That means they make the wrong career, relationship, and financial choices. Low self-esteem is proven to be behind drug and alcohol abuse, violence, and delinquency.

Technically I am the one in three who has high self-esteem. I’ve not always been this way, and it is not in all areas of my life either. Few of us have high self-esteem in all areas of our lives. My appearance is one of those areas that my confidence isn’t high. And while my confidence in the way I look isn’t great, my confidence in my ability to shop is very high. I’m not too fond of shopping, but I am good at it. I have a beautiful cashmere blazer that I love to wear, and when people compliment me on it, I typically deflect the compliment and move it to an area that I am comfortable with, such as my ability to shop. I would typically respond by telling you that I paid less than $100 for this incredible blazer!

Do you do this? It may not be with your appearance, as my example shows, and it might be a work compliment such as, “Hey, good job on the budget forecast.” Do you respond and give away the compliment? Do you say, “Well, I certainly didn’t do it by myself. Jenny answered all my questions, which was the hard part,” and give the compliment to someone else?

Do you redirect or dismiss your compliments? How do you think that makes the other person feel? We are telling them that the time they took to give the compliment was wasted. I know that isn’t our intention at all, but that is what happens.

The ability to accept a compliment is a social grace that few people have. It is so simple to say “Thank you,” yet we often end up selling ourselves short or giving away the credibility we really deserve.

The ability to accept a compliment is a social grace that few people have.Click to tweet

We need to be able to acknowledge a compliment and thank the person for complimenting us.

There are incorrect ways to say thank you. For example, if you agree with the compliment in an egotistical way, such as, “Yes, I did a great job. I am brilliant!” and are not trying to be funny.

You can also discount what the person said with your thank you by saying, “Thank you, but I really didn’t do a good job.”

We can have a little modesty when we say thank you but don’t discount the compliment. For instance, “Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without Jenny,” which is different than saying Jenny did all the work when you did.

There is a correct way of accepting a compliment too.

1. Notice that you are being complimented.

2. Pause. Before you respond, take a deep breath and remember to accept the compliment graciously.

3. Say, “Thank You.”

4. Think about the intention. What are they trying to tell you? That you look nice, that you have a lovely necklace, that you did a good job? Focus on being kind and courteous.

5. Stop talking and smile. Do your best not to discount, explain, or turn it around to the other person. When someone says something nice about you, they are generally not trying to get a compliment back. When I hear a compliment about my blazer, that is not my cue to find something I like about them better. “But your blazer is so much nicer!” is not the right answer. Say thank you and smile. If a reverse compliment is in order, go ahead and give one back but don’t feel obligated or discount their compliment by telling them their “insert blank here” is better than what they compliment you on.

It’s hard to accept compliments and takes practice to feel comfortable. Remember that when you discount or negate the compliment, you tell the other person they are wrong. This could affect your credibility, and it would undoubtedly make them pause the next time they wanted to compliment you.

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